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musings, Opinion, Randomness, thoughts, Tidbits

….Part of the list

First things first……

Happy Easter Guys!!!

How are y’all doing? Better than me I hope?

When I tell you guys I have had a crazy couple of weeks, believe me! Robbers attacked my home 2 weeks ago and even as I type this, I haven’t quite recovered from the trauma of that experience. Like I’ve always been a person with extra heightened senses a.k.a fear fear lol but following the robbery I’ve become so jumpy that even my own shadow startles me ..it’s that bad. A week after it happened, I went back once to spend the night in the affected house [in a bid to get over the fear] but I literally spent the entire night awake waiting for morning to come, after which I packed a bag and never looked back. As a matter of fact, I am typing this post from the peace and quiet of my new home [in a much more secure place]. Yep! I MOVED OUT! Don’t judge me. There was just no way around it.
So in the aftermath, I had to deal with the madness of house-hunting and moving and all it’s hectic trimmings; not forgetting to factor in the general uselessness of the Nigerian police in scenarios like this; plus the fact that the work front has been pretty tough too dealing with a very unpleasant week of unavoidable office politics. Basically….. I have been SKRESSED! Life steady serving me a tall cocktail of a shit-storm; all the demands of my responsibilities didn’t even pause for a second for me to catch my breath but….. STILL….
So when I tell you I was looking forward to this 5 day Easter break with every fibre of my being, I truly was. This is why when I got asked out on a date this weekend, I didn’t even think twice…. Been a minute I wore red lipstick so…. Let’s go!

The date itself was alright, great for the much needed break/distraction so win. My date and I are talking, vibing and all that good stuff when he asked me a simple question – “What turns you on in a man?” He asked….
Me [without missing a beat]: …… Reliability
Now I know without a doubt that he was trying to steer the conversation to a more sexual place but I was Obtuse Onyinye for the night. My response clearly had him confused for a bit but thankfully, he didn’t pursue the conversation further and I happily enjoyed the rest of my evening with a hug goodbye.
Two things –
1. Questions like “what turns you on” are right up there on the level of “what is your favourite colour/food” type question for me. It is basic and unimaginative and frankly, a waste of precious interrogation time. To ask me “what turns me on” tells me this is the type of dude with whom I’ll need to explain my jokes every time; this dude is as literal as they come. I’d be like – “It rained dogs today” and he’ll be like “you mean dogs fell from the sky? Hei… this girl you can lie oooo” Facepalm! If you’re a great conversationalist, the information you seek will eventually drop without you needing to be so high school with the questions. So instead of asking “what is ABC”, try having a conversation that will lead to ABC being shared without the person feeling like they’re being put on the spot. Subtle and easy like that. Wanna know what turns me on? Just keep the conversation lines open without going on direct fishing expeditions and pay attention; the answers will be so clear you won’t need to ask me these teenage house party drinking game questions.
2. Rinse and repeat number one.

But I digress………..

I have been on many a date this year already and I intend to go on more because I made this year my year of “recreational dating” even though I’ve protested it in the past so I thought that perhaps it’s time to save myself and all my prospectives’ time and roll out this blueprint – a copy of which will be saved and handy for quick dissemination to anyone who is interested in me. I’m all for saving precious time.

As a teenage girl growing up, if you ever asked me what I looked out for in a man, the typical “he has to be tall, dark & handsome” would not have been my response. My first ever real crush was real eye candy then but that wasn’t what cinched the deal for us; there’s no gbish gbish for an airhead. I confirmed he was on my wavelength when he wrote me a love letter and it didn’t come “out of the garden of love, as the birds were whispering in the beautiful sky and if so doxology”… ha! While girls my age were happy with supermarket greeting cards, mine made me personalized cards designed from scratch on corel draw by him and wrote me songs that had my names in the lyrics…. Basic has never been enough, I’ve always wanted more. Doxology to the left…

So even though that guy asked what turns me on in a guy; I’ll remix it for the purposes of this post. Ergo… consider this a – “What S looks out for in a man…. The blueprint”.

• RELIABILITY
rɪlʌɪəˈbɪlɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being trustworthy or of performing consistently well. The degree to which something can be depended on to be accurate

As I got home and pondered on it some more, I realized that my answer to the guy from earlier – “RELIABILITY” would be the same even if the question wasn’t meant in a sexual way. Reliability is truly the first thing [and the most important] character trait I look out for in any kind of friendship [with both sexes] and most especially in a relationship. I even discussed this a little in a previous post about my love language and nothing has changed since then.
There is NOTHING sexier than a person whose word you can take to the bank! Who says what they mean, who follows through on their words/promises, who stands by their beliefs, who isn’t flaky and who is just an all-round solid individual. A person who keeps their word long after the mood has passed just because they promised…. A person who will tolerate a little bit of discomfort and stick it out just so they don’t come across as dodgy.… nothing sexier!

INTEGRITY 
ɪnˈtɛɡrɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Although closely related to reliability, Integrity is a tad different but just as important as the first. This trait is what separates the boys from the men; it sieves out the chaff and leaves the gems. A person with some modicum of moral upstandingness, nobility and honour would simply never find themselves in certain questionable situations, whether or not there is an audience. You wont need to beat him with a stick to get him to do the right thing, you wont need to sweat. The end.

• INTELLIGENCE
I am pretty intelligent [yes I am] so pray tell what I’d be talking about with a slowie? Mr. Me has to intimidate me [in a good way] with his brain chops. I have dated a few slowies in the past and it’s a disaster waiting to crash because subconsciously, I don’t rate these men and it shows in my attitude.
Think critically, don’t just flow with conventional opinions and never stop learning. I’m not asking that he reads the encyclopedia back to cover but just be savvy in general, Shikena. A huge part of this component is Emotional intelligence because of what use are your smarts if you don’t know when to apply sense? Believe me when I tell you there is a direct vein that links this quotient to the happy juice factory in many a girl’s loins.

SENSE OF HUMOUR
Everyone has a sense of humour, so I guess the litmus test here is – what is your brand? Brit or Love and hiphop ATL? Efe’s “based on logistics” or “go fucking chew on that Debbie Rise”? Fluent in sarcasm? I must point out here that the “brand” of humour is the most important thing. No matter how many boxes a person checks on my list, if our sense of humour is not in sync then it’s back to the drawing board because the nuances of humour-in-sync can’t be manufactured. Sorry. I am still friends/ly with all my exes and this is why – long after the fluff and the sexy has burned out, the laughs remained.

• PARTNERSHIP
Gotta love a guy who is grounded and possesses that quiet confidence because he’s got nothing to prove, this guy has tamed his ego and his man-ness isn’t about arrogant dominance. He has no qualms showing vulnerability. Such a man understands that respect, communication, reciprocity, compromise etc are none negotiable aspects of a relationship and that being controlling and manipulative will earn him no points. He understands that his partner is his equal and her opinions/input matter. The only time I want to be subjugated is in the sack and even that requires my consent first.

• AFFECTIONATE
Physical touch that shows fondness or tenderness, whether or not it leads to sex is heartwarming. Not necessarily campaigning for Over The Top Vom inducing PDA but let ‘em see you’re into me [and you can’t help yourself]. It’s also a subtle way of asserting ownership and this is sexy AF.

• GENEROSITY
With time, feelings and money. Mr. Me needs to willingly share TONS. Holding back on any of these? We simply won’t work.

While this list is nowhere near exhaustive, it’s a VERY SOLID START. So there you have it.

Whenever I share this list, there is always that one person who jokes about how these tall lists get shorter with age. Ha ha. Not. Speaking for myself, my list has not grown shorter over the years, instead, it has grown more robust [hello Coza folk] and now more than ever, I’m more certain of not compromising on any of these as I would have in the past.
Anyways what do you make of my list? Also now that you’ve read mine, I’d like to hear yours too so please share with me down below about your “what I look for”. Has anything changed or remained the same since you last checked? Let’s hear it…

PS: Here is a photo of my gorgeous self still rocking the hell out my haircut… Just incase you’ve forgotten what my beautiful face looks like 😀

img_6828.jpg

Happy Easter again guys…

Mwahxx

S.


12 Comments

Elections, Nigeria, Opinion, thoughts

Election Season is upon us

In general, politics is a topic I try to avoid and stay away from because…. Reasons! A lot of us do not have the ability to debate/converse objectively without it degenerating into insults and unnecessary pull-in(s); so I’d rather not. Usually.

However, this time, it’s actually impossible to avoid this topic. Everywhere you turn, you hear election talk. On social media, in church, standing on a queue waiting for a service, in a cab, with random strangers on the streets… it’s literally impossible to not get into it. Everything in Nigeria has been put on hold – meetings, business deals, jobs, you name it. Even stuff that have absolutely nothing to do with the elections.

E.g. You: Hi there. I just called to say hello and check how you’re doing, its been a while.                                                     Flaky  Guy: Ya… you know…with these elections, ya know….

LMAO. Staaaawp eet!

As a Nigerian, especially one living at home, you can’t deny that the entire country is on the brink of something major. Even the air you breathe is heavy with anticipation and trepidation and I’m worried that come March 28th, depending on how the pendulum swings, things may get even more tense. *Not to be a messenger of doom or anything*

I remember when GEJ assumed office as President of Nigeria. Vividly! Like it were yesterday. Although I didn’t live at home in Nigeria at the time, the general feeling of hope and excitement couldn’t be missed. On Facebook [and social media in general], people changed their names to add a hyphenated “goodluck”, there were all kinds of status updates and bbm broadcasts about the importance of a name; about how GEJ has steadily moved through the ranks of his career and politics via sheer goodluck [per his name] and how we must think carefully with naming our children accordingly. Ha! Then slowly it started changing, I noticed that people started removing the “goodluck” hyphenated attaches from their names and the general narrative on the streets started changing; the boko haram menace being the final nail on the coffin.

As a man, he comes across as quiet/reserved and one who has very few words, doesn’t have the typical I-come-in-here-and-take-over-the-room type presence that most Nigerians have; he’s quite likeable too. As a president however, he comes across as inept, unprepared and lacking gumption. Initially, I made a lot of excuses for him citing his lack of experience and asking that we all be patient with him as he too was just learning on the job [especially taking into consideration the circumstances around how the office of the president became his]; and the daunting job of governing a country as unique as Nigeria. But those excuses ran out fast. Do I hate the man? Certainly not! Do I think he can do better? Absolutely! He is surrounded by bad people who give him bad advice and do not have this country’s best interests at heart; and while that’s sad, it comes a time when blaming everyone else but yourself loses its authenticity. Like, if someone is out to make me look bad and I let them succeed at every chance, then I am the problem with myself. No?

I mean, just look at yesterday’s news headline. The jokes just tell themselves really.

FullSizeRender (1)

[Source: Bellanaija.com]

In a country with real pressing issues and people dying by their numbers daily, our government is concerned about women’s dressing, subliminally rationalizing/justifying rape and passing laws on people’s sexual orientation, but that’s an entirely different story for another day.

Also, the sudden flurry of effectiveness of the current administration barely weeks to the polls just scream suspect to me. I’m giving them a severe side eye because…. why now? It had to take  facing the real possibility of losing the office to wake up? Suddenly Nigerian lives and issues matter? I smell a dead rat and it’s hella funky. This doesn’t help my natural tendencies with cynicism. AT ALL.

PS: Dear Madam Sarah, contrary to what you may think, rape is actually caused by rapists.

On the other hand, in stark contrast to living life as a Nigerian during GEJ’s tenure; all I know about Buhari’s tenure as president of Nigeria is based on stories, hearsay, and reading history documents. And this to me is the fundamental difference between both men. I think I know one better, I know his story, I am familiar with his government and choices, and the other one is a total enigma to me. One talks and I want to cry in frustration, the other talks and I want to hi-5 my television. Knowing one better means I may be more critical as I do have my facts straight, and knowing one less may mean I’m looking in through rose-tinted glasses and forming incomplete opinions based on half patched bits; and vice versa. The narrative on the streets per Buhari is that he’s a dictator and can be heavy handed, I don’t know. I know nothing about his leadership style. However, while the man invokes some confidence in my heart when he speaks but I can’t help but wonder why he has run and failed so many times; and why a solid government [as it’s been said about his tenure back in the 80s] could not mentor a worthy/younger candidate to take over and continue where he stopped. In general, this thing of recycling same ‘ol candidates rubs me the wrong way.  A lot of people say he is a dictator and when I watch his interviews, I see traces of this come across in some of his responses, however, a case can also be made for a man who owns up to his past failures and makes no apologies/excuses for the past. HOWEVER, why does he refuse to show up for debates? This to me depicts bad sportsmanship and further reiterates some of the claims that he has some diva tendencies. In addition, I feel like the earlier postponement of voting dates may have set his candidacy back somewhat, in that, there are some people who were very certain  in February about voting for Buhari but are now doing the two-step shuffle in March, thus, each time he refuses to show up for a debate, he passes up on the awesome opportunity to sell himself to people who are still straddling the fence about him.  So while I’m definitely intrigued by this man, I don’t think I know him well enough.

A recurring theme with both camps is the totally unnecessary mud-slinging but I guess that’s just politics. This type of behavior I can expect from motor park touts but I’m usually very disappointed when I see it from supposedly educated people who should know and conduct themselves better. Can we stop? Criticism and/or praise is nobody’s birthright. I personally can like/dislike something but still see and point out the bad/good in it, my love/dislike for it doesn’t make me blind to objectivity and this is where a lot of us lose the plot. Your choice for a candidate is no saint and the opposition is not the devil; and vice versa. To some avid politics aficionados and connoisseurs, some of the points and questions raised in here may come across as basic and simplistic but I think that’s how people tend to respond when they don’t have answers – attack and debase. Don’t be like that.

I just returned from a trip from my home state and driving back through Nassarawa state into Abuja, there was heavy police/military presence and checkpoints every 3 minutes the entire trip and I’m not even exaggerating. A journey that usually takes 3-4 hours ended up being nearly 5 hours. I got into Abuja city and it was even worse, the turn leading into my street had and still has military checkpoints on both sides. I don’t know about you but with the boko haram menace and the general state of the nation, seeing heavily armed military presence on the streets doesn’t make me calm, instead, it makes me tense like are we at war? Why are there guns in my face when I’m just going down the road to buy chicken? It’s all very scary I must say, especially because some Nigerian security personnel are trigger happy. Bang! And it’s all over Jackie…. Next thing your face will be plastered  every place as a “suspect’…Suspect of what? Buying chicken? I no dey ooooo

The average Nigerian has VERY strong opinions about everything and politics is no exception. However, whichever candidate/party you choose, I want you to remember this – NONE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE WORTH DYING FOR!!!!!!

  • PDP vs APC = Six vs half a dozen, potato/poteto. Garbage in; garbage out! Therefore, if you really think any of these people will suddenly develop a conscience and do right by you as a citizen of Nigeria, you’re sadly mistaking and are setting yourself up for an epic dose of disappointment. It’s a catch 22 type situation and it comes down to choosing what you consider to be a lesser evil really.
  • Having a nice comment about one candidate/party doesn’t automatically translate to an endorsement/support and neither does a valid criticism translate to bashing/denouncement.
  • An apolitical/non-partisan stance allows for objectivity. In my opinion, none of these people deserve making enemies over. In my home, my brother & I have very different political views from my Mum and we all support different candidates but it doesn’t mean she’s not going to give me the money she promised me ha ha. My point? It doesn’t have to get messy.
  • Choose as you are led for the reasons that matter to you and based on your experiences. March 28th no far again; but stay alive.
  • Have an opinion, go out and perform your civic duty [vote] for your country and then come back home and sit your ass in one place. I’m saying!

 

Here are my survival tips for this election season: *Don’t say I never do nothing for you guys*

  • Stay indoors. Stay at home. STAY IN YOUR HOUSE [or bae’s house] 😉
  • Stock up on food & groceries. Hunger no dey look face. PS: If you and bae are planning a ‘stay-cation’, you better remember to also stock up on *ahem*, except of course you’re looking to invite me for naming ceremony by December then go on with your bad self.  *Howls*
  • Fill up your generator tank and buy extra fuel, you know you’ll need it. I noticed fuel scarcity had started again yesterday in the city of the Buj.
  • Buy extra NEPA units. There’s never light nowadays but just humour yourself.
  • Check that your DSTV/cable subscription is covered; it’ll suck if you can’t watch TV this weekend. PS: Did you know DSTV rates are increasing by April 1st? Take advantage of the last days of March.
  • Download all your favorite shows. Entertain yourself AT HOME.
  • Drinks? Sure! Stock up on your booze.
  • Stay at home guys. Be safe.

But all these things cost money obviously; money which nobody has seen in recent times. Like where the hell is all the money in this damn city?

Selah!!

***

PS: This blog is exactly ONE MONTH OLD today. *applause*

I am so chuffed!!

When I started this journey, I had a lot of uncertainty in my heart because I wasn’t sure I had the discipline and dedication to do this plus I worried about losing my authenticity depending on the feedback as I’ve always wanted my blog to be 100% reflective of who I am. But I was worrying for nothing. You guys have been the best!! I feel no judgement, I haven’t gotten one left sided comment at all, I get tons of encouraging and supportive messages and comments, plenty feedback and it’s been an all-round amazing experience thus far.

Thank you to everyone who has ever clicked on/opened this page. Thank you to everyone who has ever shared the links to my posts. Thank you to everyone who keeps coming back. Thank you to everyone who has subscribed.

If you are yet to subscribe and would love to, just check at the top right corner of this page for the button. And don’t forget to follow the blog on twitter @GBTheBlog.

Thank you guys!!

God bless Nigeria and May the best man win.

Stay Safe.

S.


33 Comments