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Happiness

Family, Life, musings, Randomness, thoughts

Hello….. It’s me

Hello…….. It’s me.

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Are you singing along yet?

Yesterday, I was pressing my phone rather absent-mindedly, trying to set an alarm when my eyes caught the date. I blinked rapidly and looked again – 1st November 2015. Wait what?! It’s not like I didn’t already know the date but we all know there’s a difference when you see with your eye and when you see with your mind [excuse the Game of Thrones speak, I’ve been catching up]. I had a mini heart attack for like 10 seconds because …. Where has the year gone? What did I do with it? Mental checklist, what was I able to tick off my 2015 to-do list? The answer is – not a lot. And that sucks.

It’s NOVEMBER! Of the year TWO THOUSAND AND FIFTEEN.

Do you remember back when we used to talk about the year 2000 like it was light years into the future? We’d talk as if by year 2000 we’d be writing letters about the medieval years of the past? Cars will be flying, robots will be hanging in the air dispensing cash to mortals, babies will be born with full sets of molars etc. Well look! 2000 came and went, then added 10 years to it and now we are wrapping up the 15th and headed towards the twentieth – 2020.  Indeed one is getting old.

I know we all say this all the time and it’s become a flimsy cliché but time does fly indeed and with each passing day, one needs to realize that life is passing by. It’s not on pause till you finish school, it’s not waiting until you get that job, it’s certainly not waiting to till you get married [and have that kid]; it’s not for nothing…. Life is happening right now, in this very moment, life is happening.  Are you living it?

I know that speaking for myself, I put my happiness on hold for so long for so many reasons [that seemed justified in the moment] that it’s almost as though I had completely forgotten how to genuinely enjoy a happy moment. It feels like I’m always nostalgic, wishing certain times back and basically living life with one eye permanently looking back and that’s sad because if i’m busy living in the now, I wont have time to be mulling over the “used-to(s)”. Right?

Look how happy I seem, but in actuality, I was miserable about a boy the entire summer of this photo. LOL

I realized recently that even in those times that I now think were so spectacular, there was definitely stuff I was whining about and wishing on, so truly nostalgia makes one see through rose-tinted glasses and with lots of embellishment of facts…. 

Contentment and happiness aren’t about the current state of things, it’s a choice and a mindset.

Every year, I say this is the year I do better until the next year rolls by with me repeating the same thing and it’s become like a joke, laughable really. How can your year be different if you haven’t done anything differently from the last? Life is about CONSCIOUS LIVING. Conscious steps, conscious choices, conscious plans, conscious execution, one foot in front of the other…. every day. CONSCIOUSLY. That’s living.

BUT; If I learnt nothing this year, I learnt that I have to live my life for myself and make my choices based on what works for me first before anybody else. I simply cannot tell you how liberating that is.  Prior to this realization, I self-identified as a daughter and a sister before anything else. This meant that in making my life choices/decisions, I always prioritized the collective good of my family and that the pendulum always swung to the side of what was best for everyone[irrespective of how back breaking that choice is for me as a person]. I will always choose what makes everyone else’s life easier [never mind that it meant that it was going to make my own life a lot tougher]; I just always wanted everyone to be happy and okay. I think this comes from being a first child and my natural protective-motherly instinct and if i’m being completely honest – my Savior mentality. Captain Fix it Me. Perhaps it also made me feel needed/useful/wanted when I took charge and maybe there was a part of my sense of self that hinged on being wanted/needed/useful. It made me feel good & dependable when they’d say “Beezy will sort it out” and so I’d get into fixer mode and that dependency made me afraid of being otherwise disposed, of saying “I can’t fix it this time“, “it’s not convenient for me“, “not today” and saying “No“. But it was killing me, turning me into a shadow of myself and making me thoroughly stressed [I shared a bit about that pressure here]. Slowly at first, then it got to the point where the choice was simple & clear – fix up or break from the sheer weight on my back and so I CHOSE ME. Grudgingly at first, and with a lot of tears but I finally did it. I know it sounds simple but it was not an easy journey to this realization for me. As children, we don’t quite realize how hard we internalize our parents words/ideals until we start trying to actively break out of that zone. Truly. However, the moment this light bulb lit up, it’s like I’ve been walking on air. I feel so much lighter and quite liberated and it’s reflecting in my choices and in my daily life.

I still feel a lot of guilt when I choose to assert this new self-realization, especially within my family because these type of strongholds don’t break overnight but I’m consoled by the fact that I know without a doubt in my mind that I’m doing the right thing; and I know this because of my peace of mind and also because, now more than I ever, I have gotten so much support from my family, it’s like I just needed to break out first before things settled in and i’m so glad I did.

 

So I can confidently say on account of this ONE THING, I won 2015. It has completely changed my life.

Can I just say, 2015 hasn’t wrapped up yet, so even you can still score your own touchdown if you want to. I saw this text-gram below on Instagram and I was so moved by it. I think it says it all. Think positive thoughts!IMG_9572.JPGI cannot over-emphasize the importance of having the right mindset, the right attitude and the right mentality… trust me, I learnt!One of the most touching moments when I felt truly loved by a person happened this year; very recently actually and let me tell you, you haven’t experienced love until you’ve experienced the unsolicited/selfless/no agenda type of love…. especially when found  in the most unexpected of places. I say this to say, when the vibes you’re exuding change, the universe takes notice. Believe that!IMG_9011.PNG

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By the way; Guys…..

What monster human did this? Who shall we arrest for this? How can you put almonds in a snicker bar? Are you trying to kill me? I’m sitting here telling myself – “well, almonds are healthy” and rationalizing this shit like okay, its just 180 calories, I can burn that easy…. except I eat more than one at a seating. Christ! Somebody save me.

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2yrs, 4yrs and Adult something….

Picture above is one I just decided to share with you guys today just for bonus laughs to make up for being AWOL for so long on here. Go on…. laugh till your sides hurt. Then use your church mind and tell me honestly if you’ve ever seen a more badass mean-mugging child. I think I’ve always had that face that says “I’m not here for your bullshit“. I haven’t changed faces at all. #VintageS

I really did miss you guys, tell me this love is reciprocal 😀

Talk to me in the comments please 🙂

Air Kisses for everyone.

S.


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Birthday, fitness, Happy,, Health, Life, May, wellness

Birthday shenanigans 

Guys!!!! Seember had the best birthday ever!!!!! I’m still on the birthday high even as I type this. It was small and intimate and had no extra frills but it was perfect. Nothing like an entire day dedicated to catering to your every whim by good friends and family.

Last year, my birthday fell on a Sunday so I started the day in church – rightly so. This year however, it fell on a Monday but it wasn’t a problem. Once I noticed it would be on a Monday, I made a date with Jesus for the 3rd; woke up bright and early and went to thank him for my life.  Took selfies after church because….. Vain-Seember!

      

So… 4th came!!! My phone started buzzing almost immediately. Lots of singing [frog voices and all] :P, lots of prayers, lots of tweets, lots of facebook notifications, lots of bbms, whatsapp messages. I had to turn the phone off at some point just to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzzz(s) seeing as I still had to run at 6am. I already knew I was going to eat like a cow during the day so I had no choice but to exercise. Woke up and headed out by 6:30am and look….

I fucking kicked ass! 15.5kms – 933 calories burnt. Whoop! I could now sit back, eat well and enjoy my day. And that’s exactly what I did.

My dear Boks & Achike were prompt and early and came bearing gifts of cake, HRM and Mac makeup. Can I talk about my cake for a bit? Okay! Listen! You have never had cake like this, I’m telling you. Double gooey chocolate with a hazelnut center filling and coconut topping. Achike and I started eating it before I remembered to take a picture so forgive the missing toppings ….. But look at this beauty. Tasted like good decisions and happy fat! My taste buds sang the Halleluya chorus… Handel’s. [Thank you guys so much Boks & Achike for my presents, I loved them]

Say my name!!!!

I made my winning jollof rice & peppered turkey. It never fails, everyone loved it. I forgot to take pictures because that’s what happens when you’re having a blast! Managed to find a haphazard one of the peppered turkey but it’ll have to do. Peep the protein powder in the corner…. Fitting irony because fitfam was parked in one corner just like that. Lol

Our friend Oria joined the gang after work with booze and icecream. Chai!!! So after all that rice and whatnot what did I do? I served the cake with a dollop of icecream and then drizzled baileys all over it. Yes guys, its not a coincidence that my waistline is thick, I sabi chop and I sabi mix am.  ha ha. PS: Guys, this Olmeca flavoured tequila is the shit! Serve it on the rocks with nothing else and thank God for good living. Yum!!

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We spent the rest of the day just laughing, teasing each other, gossiping, knocking back endless drinks, banter and all round fun. My friend Teni also joined us at night, she came to eat cake, but ended up eating rice too while wearing her gym clothes… lmao.

My sister posted the sweetest message on Instagram for me. Look at that – Me and my baby girl…. Miss Iveren. Then she sent me more pictures. Too cute. That third one looks like she’s saying “Happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu” but I think it looks more like a tantrum “Noooooooooooooooooooooo”…. We need to work on her lip-synching skills. ha ha. Look at her hair; Nigerian women is it by force to make your baby’s 5 strands of hair? lol

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Then look at what Wandoo posted on her Instagram page for me……. Walahi, my eyes started sweating! How sweet and touching!

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I love my family. I really do. And these messages touch a part of my heart that sings; thank you my dear. Mom called too, she says there’s pounded yam waiting for me in Benue this weekend. Best! My brother waltzed into my room in the afternoon to tell me that he’s been trying to post a birthday wish on my facebook wall but its not working. I’m like, shey its too much trouble to just come to my room and wish me a happy birthday? Facebook is better abi? LOL. He’s a special one.

It was a beautiful day indeed. May 4th.

So I woke up the next day feeling like a beached whale. After all that food and misbehavior, I knew I had to exercise. But God was merciful, it was raining so I had an excuse to not be out at 6am. Thankfully, the weather remained cool all day and so I headed out in the afternoon, armed with me new HRM [thank you Boki] and look….. 2hrs 36mins, 15.7km and 1322 calories later; I was feeling like Usain Bolt! Bye beached whale. ha!

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You know, I’ve always wondered what the disparity is between the stats registered on the Nike app vs one on a HRM and I guess its finally settled. The Nike app logged in 957 calories while the HRM logged in 1322; a whopping difference of almost 4oo calories. Woah! So basically, I need to go back and add almost 4oo calories to all my workout stats prior to using the HRM. I like knowing and seeing my efforts in such accuracy. With this HRM, its quite unlikely that I’d miss a day of workout, I want to see over 1000 on my wrist every damn day because my middle name is overkill. Yes! 😀

When I go out to exercise, I pretty much look like something a cow chewed and spat out! No effort whatsoever. Add that to all the sweating and i’m surprised I’ve gotten toasted on my runs. Sidebar: I love you Nigerian men, y’all are awesome for a girl’s self esteem. Anyways, I was saying…. After i’m done working out, I get back home, shower and primp up and……….. LOOK AT THAT!!!

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I CLEAN UP NICE AND I SAY SO MYSELF.

I’m such a beautiful girl. Ahn! See God was just showing off when he made me. It’s not bragging if its true. Lol.

Funny Story: One cool evening, dressed in baggy slacks, a tank top & shades [far difference from my workout clothes];I decided to walk through my usual run route to go buy something in games village and the security guys at the American school that always hail me when i’m running didn’t say a word to me. I said – oga una well done oooo – and they responded rather casually. Next day, I’m running past in my workout garbage chic look and its back to some very enthusiastic “Ah, sister, well done ooooo”. Lol. Apparently, they didn’t recognize me the previous day. I looked too much like a human being. Lol.  Cool story over.

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All in all, I had the best birthday. I’m so thankful for everyone who called me, sent messages, bought me gifts, dashed me money and wished me well. May God bless each one of you and may you have people be just as kind to you. I had people come and go till about midnight and I was sad the day had to end. But even though my day ended, I’ve still been on a birthday high – the gifts are still coming in, the messages & calls haven’t stopped and it still feels like birthday at mi casa. Infact, i’m typing this with one hand because my dear Hauwa just sent me TWO packs of precious KULUWINGS!! In two different flavours. Lord hammacy! Guys, I have to go… *licks fingers*

Truly, I AM BLESSED! I may not have much, but I am loved and the love flowed freely. I cannot thank you guys enough, may God bless you all.

PS: Wondering about my birthday wishlist? I think it deserves a post of its own. Sometime soon.

Cheers xx

S.


19 Comments