I hate the dating game/process. Hate!
Boy meets girl or vice versa – they vibe – they start talking – set up dates – keep other options open – not working? Bye! Working? Still keep options open sha. WTF yo?!!!! Its stressful. When you talk about dating and the stress that comes with it, people give you advice like – “Don’t over-think things”, “don’t take things so personally” “Just go with the flow” etc and my response is usually “HOW?”. Is there a switch I can just turn off and on? How do you not take it personal when someone you’ve been trading hilarity and enjoying bants with just goes cold turkey on you and you’re stuck with conversations/texts/whatsapp messages etc that just leave you questioning your comprehension skills? That someone by words or action is essentially saying to you “you just don’t do it for me[anymore]”? Especially when you really want to “do it” for them? Am I a zombie abi a robot? Are we even allowed to admit that rejection whether implied or explicit hurts our feelings/ego? Does it make us less cool? Shebi we supposed to be all stoic and robotic and always on the “Bad bitch/nigga” P… sigh. SKRESS!!
Putting oneself out there is quite tough and it’s just not something that comes easily to me, even though I understand that it’s the only way to get to know someone…. it doesn’t make it suck less. And I understand that this is how it works, same as the process of decision making with most things in life – job, buying property/car, business etc. you have to weigh the pros & cons and see how it adds value and benefits you..yada yada yada. But how can we apply the same principle for stuff such as getting a job or running a business with matters of the heart? When a business deal falls through, does it feel like your heart is shattered in a million little pieces and you can’t breath? It does? Okay maybe that’s a bad analogy but fucking hell…. A job/business is not a human being. It doesn’t have feelings, no heartbeat,no pulse. Its just not at par. I think that approaching dating/relationships as we would with business investments is already setting oneself up for failure.
I’ve had friends say to me “I love dating”, “I enjoy dating” and I look at them like they’re speaking Spanish but overtime, I’ve realized that what they actually mean is “I love going on dates – the dinner/food/drinks” [there’s a difference]. I realize that they probably have no intent from the jump of getting to know that person truly; it was just “I’m bored, he’s available, I get to dress up” and this to me is the fundamental difference. I have never gone on a date just for the hell of it. I agree to go fully hoping I meet a nice guy with whom I make a genuine connection and this is why i’m usually disappointed when its just bleh. At that point i’m thinking – “I dressed up for this shit?”, not “at least the food was nice”. I mean, I can eat in my own damn house in my jalabia with no makeup on. It’s a waste of my time honestly and I find it quite upsetting. Dating [to me] is not a sport, it’s not something I do when i’m bored to while away time. It’s “I want to get to know this person”; too bad if it doesn’t pan out well but I just don’t come at it from the jump with the intention to just play as is the case nowadays. Waste of my time.
I like to think I’m a complete representation of myself on any platform – virtual or real life – but it seems most people aren’t a lot of the time and maybe this is the issue! Its like you’re meeting a different representative of themselves per different scenarios and its really mind boggling to me how people keep these many personas up. If you connect with me via an instant messaging platform or virtually, and we eventually make it to an actual physical date, rest assured you will be meeting the exact girl you’ve been chatting with, only prettier 😉 [this is not an ad]; but you can’t say the same for most people and maybe this is where the disconnect happens. Lord knows I can’t pretend to save my life, but maybe I need to learn it? Perhaps this is what people expect? That you stick to the script they have of you in their heads? Because right now, if you upset me, i’ll let you have it and if I’m happy, you’ll know, I can’t pretend to save my life. So I tend to assume people are 100 with me too until something happens and I’m like – wait! What? Warrapun? – sigh.
Its a cold out there guys. Maybe we need to do like our fore-fathers did it back in their time, weed out the feferity and approach this thing old school style. I personally don’t think its the worst idea to have a guy reach out to me and go “my mother knows your mother and she says you’ll make a great wife”. Ha ha. What you say?
Are you single in the city? Are you dating? What irks you? How do you swing it? Any pro-tip?
Have a great week ahead guys.