Life, musings

Swinging The Wrecking Ball

 Hi lovelies….

What a month I’ve had! I mean yea, it’s called the month of March but it didn’t have to be so literal did it? Even though i’m physically 100%; emotionally & mentally, i’m completely drained.

Last we talked, I did mention I was in the process of moving out of my old home so between figuring that out, securing a new space [while momentarily staring homelessness in the face], dealing with greedy/dubious agents & artisans and an unfortunate mishap requiring drawn out dealings with the police [long story], it’s been a real drain. I’m sitting here writing this, having just returned from the police station and thinking to myself how the difference between a good vs bad day in Nigeria can be attributed to something as simple and basic as Air Conditioning.

BUT… I’m still alive. And kicking it!

In the course of all these, it seems I’ve become somewhat of a recluse; ergo, plenty time to reflect – on past choices and on what’s important today – and I am happy to say that now more than ever, I’m assured that I chose right and I’m on the right path headed towards the big picture.

I also learnt recently that – No one person can be ALL things to you –  It is simply unfair and quite frankly unrealistic to think so. For several reasons, life happens! People will disappoint you [even when they don’t mean to] and it’s just human nature – all intrinsically flawed. Like a friend rightly opined – people mostly mean well but they all have their own personal stuff to deal with and it’s not easy attempting to juggle that coupled with those of friends & loved ones; so for e.g if at any point he’s being a great friend to me, he can almost bet that at that particular time, it just means he’s out there being a bad friend to another because ability, resources & time are finite. ALL FACTS.

However, there is a vast difference between those and the ones who CONSTANTLY let you down so casually without any feelings of guilt [especially when you would break your back trying not to let them down] and you must learn that difference. Something about – Making someone a priority when you’re only an option to them – 

Which leads me to this thing about expectations. Many a fancy quote exists about curbing one’s expectations to avoid disappointments… My! My! how straight-forward and easy it all sounds! However, in the actual application to life’s scenarios, how realistic is that? Every single relationship in life is built on the premise of expectations [whether explicit or implied] and the success or failure of said relationships depends heavily on how those expectations are catered to. For e.g, you expect for your parents to provide for you[till a certain age at least]; you expect for people to treat you with decency, courtesy & respect, a baby expects to be 100% tended to by it’s caregiver, you expect for a friend to help you abuse the life out the boy who broke your heart, you also expect they not go behind your back and do you dirty etc. When a baby’s nappy is full I doubt the parents will think twice about changing them because THERE IS A CODE. As adults, when your emotional sensitivity/vulnerability is pissed on by someone who should know better, it’s a full declaration of all things UN-NICE and at that point, all talks about curbing one’s expectations fly out the window. Fuck that! The only thing you can try to do is to not [knowingly] cause your friends & loved ones stress but where someone already sees you as a liability, you’ve already lost.

See, the thing about human interactions is, it’s a two-way street and you can’t talk about one in isolation of another. You must take the time to assess yourself in any scenario that stung and ensure that what you’re bringing to the table is valuable because, no value – we toss out. No questions! I don’t think people do this enough. So it’s imperative to repeat…..

NEVER OVERESTIMATE YOUR PLACE IN A PERSON’S LIFE.

***

Tomorrow, I resume police runs but for today…….

It’s fridaaaaaaaaaaaaay, let’s go have fun *splits*

PS: Got some great news today! Will share soonish

*cue happy dance*

Besos xx

S.


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Anniverssary, Fun, Happy,, New Year

GB Dot Com is ONE – Thank YOU!!!!!!  

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YOU GUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

The blog is ONE!

Can you believe it is exactly a year ago since I typed and sent out the above broadcast to all my contacts, social media pages and everybody’s cat? Time does fly indeed.

See I always wanted a blog; my very own dot com, but feared the commitment involved. However, with the push and encouragement from my closest people especially my friend Shola [thank you babe], I finally jumped in with two feet and boy it’s been one helluva ride.

Let’s do a quick recap, shall we?

Remember when we talked about dealing with Acne?

For sure one of the most interactive [and my most vulnerable] posts I’ve ever had on here. Perhaps, because I was so open with my struggle, I reckon a lot of you had no qualms sharing yours too and we all learnt a lot from each other that day.  So thank you.

What about the time we talked about apologies – How to get them right and how we sometimes screw them up?

Judging from the number of views and interaction, this post is the 2nd most popular post EVER, on here. I loved writing it, I loved seeing how y’all assimilated it and how much it resonated. This post inspired 3 different posts on 3 other blogs from other blog owner-readers and that made me very happy. It’s the best feeling in the world when your words connect with your intended audience on such a deep level. Thank y’all for being so gracious.

The most personal post I ever put up here was my 2014 struggle. Boy what a year that was!

That post had total strangers emailing me to first thank me for being so honest and then going further to share their own personal struggles. Some of the emails I received were so deep that I’d sometimes take a few days to formulate what I thought would make for an appropriate/befitting response. With this post, I realised that alot of people are going through so much in their various lives and creating a safe medium to share can sometimes make all the difference. Thank you to everyone who trusted me with their thoughts and thanks to everyone who sent me best wishes for my own story. I appreciated it all.

And then there was the hilarity from my birthday weekend where I became an unknowing party to strip clubs and dollar bills……[still gat ma money]

Y’all…. when I tell you that I have the MOST RANDOM experiences ever; believe me! Someone told me that when he read that post, it felt like he was there with me while it was happening – a testament to my gisting/storytelling skills ha ha. A lot of you must have also enjoyed it plenty because it did receive tons of shares & interaction. Bad children.

I also had the lovely birthday, the fitness stuff, the cooking, the tedious job search, random shit, rants and tons more. Just look through the archives; it was a very eventful year indeed.

***

While putting together that quick recap, I realized how much has happened in JUST one year and that to me is the biggest lesson today – that because I attempted to document [and share my journal/journey on here], I can actually look back at it and see VERY CLEARLY how much stuff has happened and how much has changed since the day I took this step [something I would have struggled to see otherwise].

I want to thank you guys, from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me thus far on this crazy ride. Thank you for the support, thank you for the clicks, for sharing with your friends and sharing all over your various social media pages; for subscribing and interacting with me. I truly, truly appreciate you guys and I hope that we continue on in this 2nd blog year.

A quick one: Sometimes, even when I haven’t update the blog, you’ll find me actively posting all kinds of random stuff that I think you guys might find interesting & informative on the various social media pages created solely for the blog. So please, follow these pages to keep up with this train.
Twitter – @GBTheBlog; Instagram – GBTHEBLOG

Don’t forget to also follow me on Snapchat where I’m a mess [but a fun mess if I do say so myself]

Snapchat ID – gorgeousbskin

Like I spent yesterday sharing “Lily Allen has a baggy pussy” and the other day I shared the story of how I came to love my lips. Between everything I share on all these pages, trust me, you’ll be entertained, so click follow okay?

One last thing, don’t forget to subscribe to the blog. You’ll get all content delivered directly to your devices.. and isn’t that so convenient?! Mwaaaaaaaaaaaahxx

Apollo update – 98% better, I kinda like the dreamy bedroom eyes I carry around now. lol

 

Have a great friday eve …

Besos xx

S.


10 Comments

wellness

Weekend Round-up

 I’m one of those people who rolls my eyes whenever I log on to a blog and the owner is apologizing for being away/too busy/too whatever to post new content; only to inevitably disappear again. I mean, what’s the point? You know you’re going to disappear again because life doesn’t ever slow down and it’s a rat race. We get it.

 I don’t want that to become the story of me and this blog – going off, coming back, apologizing, and inevitably going off again – No! Let’s not do that here! So one of the things I promised myself when I decided to have my very own dot com was to never allow myself become a slave to it; in that I’d be feeling bad/guilty when I haven’t updated. I mean, I love to talk/share, it’s the reason I even thought to start this in the first place so please trust that if I anything I deem worthy of sharing, I will.

I have moments in my personal life when the highlight of my day is having a cold bottle of coke so except you want to be regaled with tales of my coke drinking expeditions, please make peace [as I have done] with the fact that there will be days, weeks, maybe months even where I do not update this space at all; and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. Sometimes though, when I’m quiet [especially on here]; it means the inspiration is just not there and I’m sort of moping about with at least 10 incomplete drafts floating about but nothing quite done; and since those days make up a major/legitimate part of my story, I embrace them all.

I say all these to say, if you ever refresh this page and nothing new pops up, it’s just for the simple fact that I have nothing new to share [or it’s cooking]. When I have it though, I won’t need any cajoling or blackmailing. It’s super sporadic on here – 3 posts back to back some days; nothing at all on other days. I have no schedule; I just want this to be as organic as possible.

Thank you.

***

My friend’s mum died in a tragic car crash 2 weeks ago and it’s honestly the saddest, most painful thing I’ve experienced as an adult. Death in any form is painful; the death of a relatively young parent even more so; but the death of an otherwise healthy parent whose life just ends so abruptly [and in such a tragic manner] when there’s still so much living to be done, can never be easy. It was truly such a shock to us all.

When I heard about it, I had so many questions and none of them could be answered. But as a Christian, we are encouraged to take solace in the sovereign will of God knowing that his thoughts towards us and his will for us is perfect. And so, while we may not understand the why, God knows why and that’s enough.

I remember her as one of the most vivacious persons I’ve ever known – so fun, hearty, loud, lover of red lips and Star lager beer  and ever so full of exuberant life.  Mummy, may your soul continue to rest with the lord and I pray for strength for the ones you left behind. Amen.

***

While I was in Benue [for the funeral], my niece had this weird infection in one eye and the doctor said it was an allergy so we all didn’t think much of it. So imagine my shock when I got back to Abuja and in a few days woke up one fine morning with my own red eye. IT WAS APOLLO OMG!!!

In the first few days, the redness was in just one eye so I spent my time trying to hide it, taking one sided selfies and all lol

 

But by day 3, there was no hiding it. It was a full blown fiery volcano. My entire face was swollen.

 

I looked like I got jumped!

 A friend of mine said that perhaps my big mouth had finally caught up with me and maybe I didn’t want to tell the truth so I was lying saying it was apollo lol. Because, it was truly hard to believe this was JUST apollo. Last time I had this shit, I was a child so I don’t remember it being so painful. It hurt! My eyes felt like stones, when I bent down it felt like they were going to fall out of their sockets, I always had a banging headache and was in a general pissy state. Real shitty.

With this, I basically spent valentine’s day in bed feeling sorry for myself. Nobody got me anything which is cool because I didn’t get anybody anything either [all is fair in love & war right?].

Anyways, my eyes look a lot better though so thank God.

***

Currently moving. It’s sad, and rough and nostalgic and beyond stressful.

Please send pizza and chicken wings.

Thanks in advance.

PS: The blog has it’s own Instagram page now, it’s – @GbTheBlog. Please head over to instagram and follow for all things blog related and lots more.

PPS: Follow me on snapchat – ID: gorgeousbskin – where I clown & complain & freak out about everything and nothing.

 

Besos xx

S.


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Fun

Wedding glam [2] – Red Lips Edition

How does one go from attending zero weddings in an entire year to attending 2 [back to back] in one month?

[Answer: Let’s ask my friends Boki & Achike]

Anyways, following this wedding glam from the other Saturday, another Saturday rolled by and your’s truly was invited…. again! Perhaps I am starting to secretly love weddings. Horror!

So what do you do when you want some quick glam but have no time to sit and spruce it up for hours? Red lips! You can never go wrong with one and that’s exactly what I did. 

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 photo-8.jpeg TIJT9654[1]ICNN9238[1] And I just kept on snapping… a million selfies, a million filters…..

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Boks of life! #RedLipGang

Achike & his 1000 watt smile

Oh and I snapped the entire glam process so if you aren’t following me on snapchat yet…… why ever not?  

SnapChat ID – gorgeousbskin

This could be a postcard uno *winks*

        Yes I am vain and I know it. Sorry, not sorry.

My friend Dooshima suggested I start a #GetReadyWithS type posts and I’m loving the idea so look out for that. Soon-ish.

Valentine’s is exactly 7 days from today; what y’all doing?

  I hope y’all have an amazing week & weekend.

PS: This post is dedicated to the loving memory of a dear mother/wife/friend/colleague and all round amazing person – Prof. Mrs. Regina O. Ode; the original red lip rocker. May your vivacious soul rest with the Lord, Amen.  

Cheers.

Besos xx

S.

 


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musings

What’s your Love language 

Sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep at night and when that happens, my mind just drifts all over the place [it tends to do that at odd hours]. I started reading old whatsapp conversations and one in particular got me thinking about how differently each of us receives & acknowledges the gestures of love/affection directed at us and where the disconnect that tends to create drama usually sets in. So I hit my twitter with a little dose of deep…. Question:

I got some pretty interesting responses [see below for a few].

 

  

All very interesting, right?

Which leads me to this thing about love languages; which I’m sure you’ve heard/read about. But if you haven’t already –  according to Gary D. Chapman in his acclaimed book – The Five Love Languages –  there are 5 love languages.According to Gary, every single one of us understands one [or a combination] but we all ultimately tend to gravitate more towards one.  [You can read more about it here www.5lovelanguages.com]. There’s even a test on there to help you determine your own love language. PS: Mine is predominantly – Acts of Service [I think it’s the only one that encompasses little bits of all the other languages] & Receiving gifts [not to be mistaken for materialism]

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Click on to view better

Usually, when love languages are discussed, they are discussed from the POV of the receiver, i.e. the person who is positioned at the receiving end of the gestures that make up said language. So for e.g. because I prefer – Acts of Service – I expect that my loved ones or anyone looking to catch my attention in a love thing should show me how much via practical helpful gestures. It means that someone can tell me how much they love me day & night, even until hell freezes over but if those beautiful grandiose words aren’t accompanied by actual gestures that make my everyday day-to-day life easier, then we are both wasting each other’s time really.IMG_1473It then follows that I also tend to show my love to the people I love in the same way by trying my best to ease their day-to-day life – perhaps you need laundry dropped off and I have time – I will, perhaps I noticed your nepa units are running out and you’re out of town – I’ll top up so the stuff in your refrigerator don’t get to ruins, perhaps you’re out of town and the house got dusty – I’ll send someone to clean for you so you get back to a clean home feeling less overwhelmed. Sister needs new bras and I’m ordering mine – I’ll add hers, brother had a long day – I’ll leave a home cooked meal etc.  I know a friend of mine who said the most romantic thing anyone ever did for her for valentine’s was to replace the worn out tyres on her car that needed immediate attention. Very Practical.

However, I feel like we forget to think about this from the POV of the person on the giving end of the equation.  They have a love language too and what if theirs doesn’t match yours? For e.g. a person whose love language is – Physical Touch – expects tons of PDA from their partner but what if said partner is not into PDA? But they always send gifts [a language] and tell you how much they love you [affirmation]? In this scenario, they’re showing love in the way they know & understand it but is it connecting? When our loved ones speak a different love language, it may come across as though they aren’t doing enough but is that really true? And is it to fair to them that we are receiving it wrong?

CONTEXT:

I sometimes fight with my brother when I feel he’s just not pulling his weight when I need him to which can make me feel like he doesn’t know me at all. However, I have overheard my brother [without even speaking to me first] vehemently defend me in my ‘absence’ to someone. One time when I was doing my detox, he brought me a bagful of fruits, completely unsolicited.  What about that time when he mentioned in passing how his life has been so much easier since I moved back to Nigeria. Make of that what you will.

Then there’s my mother who has forgotten my birthday one too many times. I mean, who forgets their own child’s birthday? Does that mean she doesn’t love me? But before I answer that, who has held the forte for nearly 2 decades since our dad passed, who has consistently bailed me out of some tough moments, who has prayed for me every day of my life, who always asks me “do you people have enough?”, who thinks the world of me etc. But who also forgets my birthdays? Yea.

What about the guy whose vibe is too relaxed in his pursuit of you? Yes. How frustrating! You know he likes you; heck you like him too [a lot] and so you wish he’d be more brazen in his attempt to woo you. That he’d text more, call more, thirst more. You wish you’d wake up to loving morning messages that add an extra pep in your step the rest of your day and go to bed with a bump on your forehead because your phone fell out of your hands as you were giggling too much reading his messages in bed at night. Instead you get scheduled calls; you sometimes get grumpy mono-syllabic responses and a generally lacklustre turkey dance that makes you wonder if one of you is being forced to keep up the charade. Alas!

While I think all 3 scenarios have an underlying theme, they are also very different illustrations.

My friends on twitter make a great case that love is about making an effort to learn your partner’s style/love language and that stepping out of character/comfort zone in itself shows a willingness to bring what it is your loved one needs from you to the table. In addition, every time you speak one another’s language, you score emotional points that do great for your relationships. However, until that desired sync is achieved, does that mean they love you any less? I’d love to hear from you guys…..a0d3fb83def75c824958bda76373ade6

So lemme ask again…….

“If someone isn’t showing you love in the way and manner that you prefer & understand, does that mean they’re not showing you love?”

Please sound out in the comments please.

Besos xx

S.


26 Comments