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musings, Opinion, Randomness, thoughts, Tidbits

….Part of the list

First things first……

Happy Easter Guys!!!

How are y’all doing? Better than me I hope?

When I tell you guys I have had a crazy couple of weeks, believe me! Robbers attacked my home 2 weeks ago and even as I type this, I haven’t quite recovered from the trauma of that experience. Like I’ve always been a person with extra heightened senses a.k.a fear fear lol but following the robbery I’ve become so jumpy that even my own shadow startles me’s that bad. A week after it happened, I went back once to spend the night in the affected house [in a bid to get over the fear] but I literally spent the entire night awake waiting for morning to come, after which I packed a bag and never looked back. As a matter of fact, I am typing this post from the peace and quiet of my new home [in a much more secure place]. Yep! I MOVED OUT! Don’t judge me. There was just no way around it.
So in the aftermath, I had to deal with the madness of house-hunting and moving and all it’s hectic trimmings; not forgetting to factor in the general uselessness of the Nigerian police in scenarios like this; plus the fact that the work front has been pretty tough too dealing with a very unpleasant week of unavoidable office politics. Basically….. I have been SKRESSED! Life steady serving me a tall cocktail of a shit-storm; all the demands of my responsibilities didn’t even pause for a second for me to catch my breath but….. STILL….
So when I tell you I was looking forward to this 5 day Easter break with every fibre of my being, I truly was. This is why when I got asked out on a date this weekend, I didn’t even think twice…. Been a minute I wore red lipstick so…. Let’s go!

The date itself was alright, great for the much needed break/distraction so win. My date and I are talking, vibing and all that good stuff when he asked me a simple question – “What turns you on in a man?” He asked….
Me [without missing a beat]: …… Reliability
Now I know without a doubt that he was trying to steer the conversation to a more sexual place but I was Obtuse Onyinye for the night. My response clearly had him confused for a bit but thankfully, he didn’t pursue the conversation further and I happily enjoyed the rest of my evening with a hug goodbye.
Two things –
1. Questions like “what turns you on” are right up there on the level of “what is your favourite colour/food” type question for me. It is basic and unimaginative and frankly, a waste of precious interrogation time. To ask me “what turns me on” tells me this is the type of dude with whom I’ll need to explain my jokes every time; this dude is as literal as they come. I’d be like – “It rained dogs today” and he’ll be like “you mean dogs fell from the sky? Hei… this girl you can lie oooo” Facepalm! If you’re a great conversationalist, the information you seek will eventually drop without you needing to be so high school with the questions. So instead of asking “what is ABC”, try having a conversation that will lead to ABC being shared without the person feeling like they’re being put on the spot. Subtle and easy like that. Wanna know what turns me on? Just keep the conversation lines open without going on direct fishing expeditions and pay attention; the answers will be so clear you won’t need to ask me these teenage house party drinking game questions.
2. Rinse and repeat number one.

But I digress………..

I have been on many a date this year already and I intend to go on more because I made this year my year of “recreational dating” even though I’ve protested it in the past so I thought that perhaps it’s time to save myself and all my prospectives’ time and roll out this blueprint – a copy of which will be saved and handy for quick dissemination to anyone who is interested in me. I’m all for saving precious time.

As a teenage girl growing up, if you ever asked me what I looked out for in a man, the typical “he has to be tall, dark & handsome” would not have been my response. My first ever real crush was real eye candy then but that wasn’t what cinched the deal for us; there’s no gbish gbish for an airhead. I confirmed he was on my wavelength when he wrote me a love letter and it didn’t come “out of the garden of love, as the birds were whispering in the beautiful sky and if so doxology”… ha! While girls my age were happy with supermarket greeting cards, mine made me personalized cards designed from scratch on corel draw by him and wrote me songs that had my names in the lyrics…. Basic has never been enough, I’ve always wanted more. Doxology to the left…

So even though that guy asked what turns me on in a guy; I’ll remix it for the purposes of this post. Ergo… consider this a – “What S looks out for in a man…. The blueprint”.

rɪlʌɪəˈbɪlɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being trustworthy or of performing consistently well. The degree to which something can be depended on to be accurate

As I got home and pondered on it some more, I realized that my answer to the guy from earlier – “RELIABILITY” would be the same even if the question wasn’t meant in a sexual way. Reliability is truly the first thing [and the most important] character trait I look out for in any kind of friendship [with both sexes] and most especially in a relationship. I even discussed this a little in a previous post about my love language and nothing has changed since then.
There is NOTHING sexier than a person whose word you can take to the bank! Who says what they mean, who follows through on their words/promises, who stands by their beliefs, who isn’t flaky and who is just an all-round solid individual. A person who keeps their word long after the mood has passed just because they promised…. A person who will tolerate a little bit of discomfort and stick it out just so they don’t come across as dodgy.… nothing sexier!

ɪnˈtɛɡrɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Although closely related to reliability, Integrity is a tad different but just as important as the first. This trait is what separates the boys from the men; it sieves out the chaff and leaves the gems. A person with some modicum of moral upstandingness, nobility and honour would simply never find themselves in certain questionable situations, whether or not there is an audience. You wont need to beat him with a stick to get him to do the right thing, you wont need to sweat. The end.

I am pretty intelligent [yes I am] so pray tell what I’d be talking about with a slowie? Mr. Me has to intimidate me [in a good way] with his brain chops. I have dated a few slowies in the past and it’s a disaster waiting to crash because subconsciously, I don’t rate these men and it shows in my attitude.
Think critically, don’t just flow with conventional opinions and never stop learning. I’m not asking that he reads the encyclopedia back to cover but just be savvy in general, Shikena. A huge part of this component is Emotional intelligence because of what use are your smarts if you don’t know when to apply sense? Believe me when I tell you there is a direct vein that links this quotient to the happy juice factory in many a girl’s loins.

Everyone has a sense of humour, so I guess the litmus test here is – what is your brand? Brit or Love and hiphop ATL? Efe’s “based on logistics” or “go fucking chew on that Debbie Rise”? Fluent in sarcasm? I must point out here that the “brand” of humour is the most important thing. No matter how many boxes a person checks on my list, if our sense of humour is not in sync then it’s back to the drawing board because the nuances of humour-in-sync can’t be manufactured. Sorry. I am still friends/ly with all my exes and this is why – long after the fluff and the sexy has burned out, the laughs remained.

Gotta love a guy who is grounded and possesses that quiet confidence because he’s got nothing to prove, this guy has tamed his ego and his man-ness isn’t about arrogant dominance. He has no qualms showing vulnerability. Such a man understands that respect, communication, reciprocity, compromise etc are none negotiable aspects of a relationship and that being controlling and manipulative will earn him no points. He understands that his partner is his equal and her opinions/input matter. The only time I want to be subjugated is in the sack and even that requires my consent first.

Physical touch that shows fondness or tenderness, whether or not it leads to sex is heartwarming. Not necessarily campaigning for Over The Top Vom inducing PDA but let ‘em see you’re into me [and you can’t help yourself]. It’s also a subtle way of asserting ownership and this is sexy AF.

With time, feelings and money. Mr. Me needs to willingly share TONS. Holding back on any of these? We simply won’t work.

While this list is nowhere near exhaustive, it’s a VERY SOLID START. So there you have it.

Whenever I share this list, there is always that one person who jokes about how these tall lists get shorter with age. Ha ha. Not. Speaking for myself, my list has not grown shorter over the years, instead, it has grown more robust [hello Coza folk] and now more than ever, I’m more certain of not compromising on any of these as I would have in the past.
Anyways what do you make of my list? Also now that you’ve read mine, I’d like to hear yours too so please share with me down below about your “what I look for”. Has anything changed or remained the same since you last checked? Let’s hear it…

PS: Here is a photo of my gorgeous self still rocking the hell out my haircut… Just incase you’ve forgotten what my beautiful face looks like 😀


Happy Easter again guys…




Thanksgiving, Tidbits, Tiv

A very Tiv Thanksgiving 

 Good Morning Lovelies 😀

Yes… Yes… I know… I’ve been bad. Forgive me & love me again… Please……

If I had to explain why I’ve been so quiet on here, you’d definitely understand and maybe even feel sorry for me but let’s not go down that path okay? Just know that I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to circle back here but I truly needed that time-out and I missed you guys a lot. How are y’all doing?

One thing I tend to take for granted is my overall good health; the worst illness I usually have is flu of which I may have a bout of maybe once or twice tops in a year. Basically, I hardly fall sick and I’m generally a person of sound mind & body all year round which is why when a random but routine visit to the hospital a few months ago turned in a quick unplanned surgery, it was so shocking & difficult for me. Yes guys, no prior talks, no warning, no preparation…. I just got there and the doctor was like “uhm, Ms. S. we are sorry but we can’t let you go home right away”… *cue palpitations & tears*. It was scary, traumatizing and painful but I’m happy to report that I’m 100% okay now and all is well with me. So now, when you ask me to count my blessings, good health will definitely be on the top of that list.

This year has truly been a strange year. It started with so much optimism and I was so sure it would end with my “solid” plans falling in place but life happened and here we are; optimism bank on deficit and a lot of ‘erm erm’s but I am still alive and that says my story hasn’t ended right? Right! Sure, I experienced a lot of trials this year, yes things/experiences hurt, yes I cried a lot, yes many of my plans fell through, yes all my ducks aren’t in a row but who is still here typing this blog post and nibbling on chocolate? It truly put things in perspective because none of those things compare to life & good health; and seeing how quick/easy the tables can turn was a very humbling/teachable moment for me. Like what is the worth of those plans, those wants, those needs if there isn’t life or if you’re laying on a hospital bed unable to function? Fix my mindset/perspective quickly!

On another note,  if you’ve read this blog long enough, you know that I constantly fight with God and I’m very open/vocal about those moments on here. This year [a few months ago actually] marked the beginning of a new chapter in our relationship – God & Me. I found myself circling back to my maker like the biblical prodigal daughter, we are still in the middle of “talks” that aren’t comfortable but we are definitely on the mend – me working on my attitude towards him – and things are looking better. This makes me happy because even in the worst of it, I knew that my rebellion & anger wasn’t the way but I can be so stubborn… sigh. God must sometimes look at me with amusement while shaking his head like “this child is such a clown”*hides face*

Anyways, in the midst of all of this and with me being in such an emotionally/spiritually pleasant head space, when I found out that 4th December was the official Thanksgiving Service in my church, I started preparing for it weeks prior – counting my blessings and putting on the garment of praise & thanksgiving. Thanksgiving in my church is a BIG DEAL ok! We literally roll out in our “sunday bests” and party it up in thanks to Jesus and I for one was not going to carry last. The moment I heard, I immediately knew I was going to go fully dressed as a Tiv Woman – repping my culture.

So come sunday the 4th; I woke up bright and early [4am] and got ready to go get my praise on. Anways… without further ado I present to you…… Kwase Tiv

Proudly Tiv!


Wasn’t able to get the best full lenght shots but …………


Tiv Women… or market women? Lol

Save for the random cultural night in undergrad, this is the first time in my proper adult life that I dressed in my Tiv cultural attire and so it meant a lot to me that so many people loved it; it was truly a hit virtually & in real life. I truly felt like a #TivPrincess… perhaps I should dress like this more often [when appropriate].

Do you like?


S. xx

PS: You can still interact with the blog’s social media pages here – even when i’m quiet on here, I just might be popping on there so….

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Randomness, rant, thoughts, Tidbits

Do Not Psychoanalyse Me. PLEASE

One of the fastest ways to piss me off is to try and psychoanalyze me. IT TICKS ME OFF!!!!
I just don’t get how people walk around looking to tell others about how they are – valid or not.

Me: I don’t like the smell of raw chicken
Them: You know, the problem with you is that…bla bla bla..

Me: Wow. Did you just see what that guy did? Scary
Them: Did he really? You know how you are about these things….


Once, while getting to know a new guy, our very first whatsapp conversation read like this:
Him: I didn’t hear from you again, was wondering…
Me: I replied almost immediately, it’s probably bad network. Meanwhile, I’ve been here thinking you got my reply but decided to blow me off, perhaps you didn’t like the font of the text *an obvious joke*
Him: Interesting. I see you’re one of those people who care what people think of you meanwhile you’ll be acting all tough
Me: Lol. What? How did you make that deduction from just one sentence?
Him: *explains in three long paragraphs about how deep down I definitely care about people’s opinion of me and how I’m probably not as hardcore as I like to think I am and how I really need to stop being so hung up on other people’s opinions and do me*
Me: Okay. Thanks a lot.

Suffice to say, that’s where the conversation ended.

One time, my friend and I sat behind a couple in church whose body language was admittedly quite off. I think the woman even quarreled the guy while we watched in amusement; much to the husband’s embarrassment. My friend now goes in full analytical mode about how their marriage is probably in trouble and how she probably always embarrasses the guy in public like that and lots more. I was like come on!! Chill out Dr. Phil. We know nothing about these people, nothing! Its unfair to make such strong statements about their dynamic based on just a 10 second display. That’s how my friend and I sort of quarreled over this oo. I was irritated. lol. [Hi hun, I know you’re reading this :p]

You hear these sort of comments daily from random people -Oh, look at that lady’s haircut and body language, typical “angry black woman” [sorry Mary Jane], Oh look at that how that guy acts, he probably grew up without a father figure, Oh look, this child is so clingy, he/she probably has abandonment issues etc. So fucking tedious! Is there a high that comes with telling people about themselves? Maybe the psychoanalysis is even correct but you have to be a really special person to always walk around looking to highlight other people’s back-stories – valid or not.

Instead, let me make a suggestion as to how that the conversation should read:
Me: I don’t like the smell of raw chicken
Them: Yea, me neither/I don’t mind it at all.

Me: Wow. Did you see what that guy just did? Scary
Them: No I didn’t/Yes I did.

Simple! Every sentence I utter is not and shouldn’t be an invitation to tell me about how I am. Else, we just may have to send you off to psychology school to go get an actual license, seeing as pro-bono work has zero benefits in Nigeria.


NB: I currently have these on repeat. Love love love!

Why is Adam Levine so fucking hot? And I cry when the brides freak out.. so beautiful. FunFact: They actually truly just crashed random weddings in LA, none of the brides were informed prior but the grooms were told to just expect a multi-grammy award winning band.  How cool? I’d die if Maroon 5 crashed my wedding party. DIE!

Mystikal has my heart. He stole it when he said “Shake your ass, but watch yourself”… Gotta love a rapper who cares about my wellbeing. Like S, don’t forget to watch yourself while you’re shaking your ass. Ha ha. Then on the Stutter remix?.. Sold! And then he goes on Ellen? My Ellen? Sealed.

Rih is bae! That’s all.

Happy Saturday. Cheers xx.


musings, Randomness, thoughts, Tidbits

Monday randomness

I haven’t updated this blog in exactly a week!! *gasp*

I’m one of those people who roll my eyes whenever I’m on a blog and the owner is apologizing for being away/too busy/whatever else to post new content; only to inevitably disappear again. I mean, what’s the point? You know you’re going to disappear again so…… Ha ha.

I don’t want that to become the story of me and this blog – going off, coming back, apologizing, and inevitably going off again – No! Let’s not do that here! I promised not to allow myself become a slave to this though, in that I’d be feeling bad/guilty when I haven’t updated. I love to talk/share, it’s the reason I even thought to start this journey in the first place, so trust me, if I have stuff to share, I will; but I also have days when I don’t utter a word to nobody at all. It’s just life. Sometimes, the inspiration is just not there and you’re sort of moping through the day and those days are all a major/legitimate part of my story so….. Anyways, if you ever refresh this page and nothing new pops up, it’s just for the simple fact that I have nothing new to share. When I do have though, you sef go know – 3 posts per day on some days, nothing at all on other days. I have no schedule; I just want this to be as organic as possible.

Thank you.


Yesterday was Mother’s Day. And social media was agog with the “my mum is the best” type epistles; all good. My Facebook/twitter/instagram feeds were popping with pictures of mums looking like sisters/girlfriends and it was all very lovely. But as with every year on the Nigerian side of the interwebs this happens [this tweet sums it up perfectly]

FullSizeRender (1)

I literally guffawed when I saw it because it was spot on!

“ahn ahn, how many mother’s days are there in year?”, “ehn, Mothers are the best, they deserve all the love every day of the year sef”, “What about single fathers who hold it down” “If it’s paining you that people are posting about Mother’s day, log out, it’s not our fault if your mother is horrible”

Hahahahahahahhaahahaha. Gosh gotta love us.

Personally, I think it’s great that we appreciate our mums and all but if your mum isn’t on any of these social networks and/or isn’t following you, I hope that after you’re done waxing lyrical on the internet, you’d actually remember to pick up the phone and call her and tell her all those lovely things. And maybe send her a lovely present if you can. If not…… Scoreline: 0

My mum is not on any social media network so I rang her; but my sister is and I made sure to celebrate her with posts on all my social media pages because she will actually see it, and I also called her. It is her very first mother’s day and she didn’t even know it was mother’s day. Typical.  My sister is the baby of the family and therefore has all that typical last born behavior but motherhood is really changing her and it’s just amazing to see her growth now as someone’s mummy.  I’m so thankful to her for giving us Iveren, my beautiful niece. Iveren is such a happy baby, always laughing and playing, no fuss at all.  Just look at! Too precious!

IMG_3214 IMG_0444image4

IMG_9236 IMG_0466image3 IMG_1143 IMG_3032    Have you seen anything more colorful? Ugh!! I’m obsessed!!!

Happy mother’s day to my mum, my sister and to all the mums out there. You guys are super heroes and I pray God empowers you daily to continue being awesome.


Do you watch/follow House of cards? [ATTENTION: This part may/may not contain spoilers]

IMG_3286**You can’t turn a no into a yes without a maybe in between**

I’m not even sure what constitutes spoilers these days as people are so sensitive, lol. I think that there should be a statute of limitation for spoiler vexing, like if you’re an avid follower of a show and an episode has aired, you lose the right to shout woe after one week of its debut. #MyRules

You can be talking about a show that aired like one year ago and somebody will scream spoiler! I usually reply with LOSER! Ha ha. Gerrout. Also, what exactly is a spoiler? If I’m not letting in on a significant plotline, why oh why are you in my ears vexing? It’s almost like these days, just a mere mention of the name of the series/movie will inevitably have someone shouting SPOLIER at you. Let’s all relax.

Anyways, here’s my House of Cards Season 3 review in 2 words – IT DRAGS!!!

This season should be named the Doug Stamper Show, TF?! I was so bored! I watched the entire seasons 1 & 2 in a day and it served from the very first episode! With Season 3 though, I’d sometimes pause it mid episode to sleep. Yes, that bad!!! However I managed to hang in there and by episode 9 into 10 it starts to pick up momentum. I’d tell you this, the only reason I stuck with it till that far into the season was purely for old time’s sake. Like I wasn’t gon’ fall my nigga Frank’s hand; his deliciously devious self deserves better. But I’m telling them not to try this nonsense with Season 4 abeg, I got things to do!

This season though, Petrov is the real MVP. Dude is one rude muthafucker in his funny way of speaking even when he’s being serious. And he’s so shady. The real slim shady. The McDaddy of Shade School.


Can we talk about Claire Underwood real quick? Ice Queen! I do not feel any atom of sympathy for her, it’s too late in the game to start trying to renegotiate dynamics. The train done left the station. Sorry ma’am! You made that bed, you gon’ lie in it whether it’s too warm or not. Madam First lady knew exactly what she signed up for with Mr. I-Shit-On-Your-Head, ergo, she’s lost the right to start trying to act fresh all of a sudden. I was so annoyed by her antics, Ice Queen started melting, wo! Stay out of the kitchen if it’s too hot but don’t interrupt the chef.

One thing though – Claire’s fashunz is too bunz! She’s a beautiful woman, epitomizes grace, and oozes class and elegance. She walks like she’s gliding… and she’s aging so well. just beautiful!




That scene in the women’s bathroom though? WOW!!!!!

I found myself getting quite intrigued by Meechum; even though he barely said four words all season. I feel like he’ll probably get a bigger part as the show progresses. I cared none for Tom Yates, his intentions seemed off to me from the jump and I generally don’t like people who try to psycho-analyse everyone and everything. Plus he’s a sour loser and he put those ideas into Claire’s head so… bye!

I have no doubt in my mind that the devil’s spawn – Frank J Underwood – will swing this minor setback like a pro and bounce back stronger. In Frank we trust. #OneNationUnderwood