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Life, musings, rant, thoughts


A few days ago, someone I really care about texted me telling me some shit I wasn’t trying to hear. I slept on it and the next day I shot back a reply that simply read – “And so what?” – No explanations. No reasoning with. No long talk.

See, I have two settings in my interactions with people – family, friends, lovers – I’m either “can we talk about this?” or “radio silence”; there’s no middle ground. The “let’s talk about it” me can be quite the bug-a-boo! I’d hound your life until you talk to me but this usually never amounts to much as I’ve realized. Forcing people to talk to you doesn’t help because they don’t come open; they’re basically just trying to pacify you with a perfunctory conversation so it’s never a good thing. On the other hand, “radio silence” me is pretty self-explanatory right? Yes. In summary, you’re basically dead to me [No this isn’t me wishing death on anybody… please Nigerians]

If I’m being honest, there was a time in my life that I needed to be liked. It was important to me that I was “palatable” and that I was not ‘too this’ or ‘too that’ for the people in my life without caring how all that bending-to-fit causes arthritis; and boy did I hurt from all that twisting and bending backwards. I had to be the perfect daughter who never dared to talk back, the greatest sister who strived to provide and provide and provide until she could barely hold it together, the most loyal/supportive friend who never hesitated to be there and the generally dependable human; But on the flipside receive total disregard, ingratitude, zero support and rudeness from family and then friends who would choose when it was convenient for them to perform friendship with you… No sway!

I don’t like to upset the people I care about and I worry when I’ve hurt them, the guilt I’d feel ehn…. Sheesh! In a bid to not shake the peace, I’d swallow my real feelings and drink water, lest these feelings inconvenience or offend and people get used to that shit. I’ve learnt now though that that’s where the unresolved hurt/repressed aggression goes to hide and one day, on a seemingly normal day, during a simple conversation, a blow-out happens and everyone starts wondering where all of that came from and you start to hear shit like “ahn ahn was it that small thing?” and its obviously confusing for everyone involved and then you get tagged for overreacting and they say you’re always angry. Why? Because you haven’t always been honest about the full spectrum of your feelings at the times when you should have been and now you’ve bubbled to your limit and blown the gasket and its casualties and bodies all over the floor. Who is going to clean up all this mess? Who? Stress!

Its that same repressed vex that had me send “and so what?” in response back to a seemingly normal text message. It’s the same shit that took me on a number-blocking spree on my phone, rejecting calls and the FUCK-OFFF sign I seem to be wearing on my forehead these days. Picture me standing in the middle of a ring straight swinging for hours daring anybody to approach. Its like I’m at war and I’m dropping bodies willy nilly screaming bloody murder…. Yea, that’s current me.

It took me a looooooooooooong time to get here but I’m proud to announce that I’ve officially run out of fucks to give. My give-a-fuck account is negative! Zero fucks! If I feel a way about anything, that’s exactly what it is and there will be no buffering; not at my expense.

Ok lies! I do still give some type of fuck. On certain days, for select people/things I can muster half a fuck or ¾ fucks but this is very selective and only on days when there’s a full moon. And let me tell you, its awesome. I actually have tons of free/happy time and precious disposable income now to do fun things for myself, buy myself nice things, enjoy my life and generally seek the answer to the question – “What does S want to do today/what will make me happy today?” And it’s been quite liberating.

This year, I will NOT put up with anybody treating me less than…starting from my family all the way down to the random person on the street; not from nobody! And because my bullshit radar is tingling at a really high frequency right now, the downside of it is that it doesn’t even have to be actual BS for me to cut it. It just needs to look a little bit like it or smell a little off and its blocked from miles away…. Call it collateral damage. Nope!

My current mood is: FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY…

I meeeeaaannn… Fuck everybody! Fuck everything. This life is mine to do with it what makes ME happy.




Anniverssary, Nigeria, rant

3 months a blogger…. Happy Blogverssary!!!

Gorgeousbrownskin dot com turned 3 months old yesterday. THREE MUTHAFUCKING MONTHS!!!

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Guys! Its been 3 months already. 3 months of me yapping away on here and 3 months of you guys indulging my every whim, and reading and leaving me lovely/hilarious/insightful comments and sharing with your friends/families and I cannot thank you guys enough. You guys are simply amazing. I’m not above admitting that I did a google comparison of site stats for new blogs; yes… I checked. Lol. And I’m happy and proud to announce to you guys that we broke those records in our first month, so this 3 month mark? Ace!


When I embarked on this journey, I had zero expectations, I told myself it was just an avenue to blow off steam and silence the voices in my head. I was right, it’s exactly that. But it has become so much more….. I’ve made friends from here and connected with some of you on levels that shock me; I’ve gotten emails from  total strangers based off this blog where you commend, suggest stuff and share some of your innermost deepest concerns  with me and I realize that this is no longer just about me. I don’t take this responsibility lightly and I appreciate every one of you that has ever written me for even bothering and for being so brave and receiving and open with me. It’s a journey we are in together and it’ll only get better. I moderate the comments on this blog but I’m starting to think I may not need to as I have never received one left sided comment this entire time of doing this; NOT EVEN ONE. I’m happy that that negativity that can sometimes be found on the internet doesn’t live here. Thank you!

As interactive as you guys have been with me thus far, I still think we can do more, so I want to take this time to ask you guys to please use the CONTACT ME form on the top left side of this page to please send me suggestions on stuff you’d like for me to write posts on, stuff you’d like to see here, topics, interaction…everything! I’d really appreciate your input; thank you in advance. Also, feel free to use it to ask me out on a date too 😀 I’m just saying… ha ha. You can also reach me with your input on my twitter account @GBTheBlog – where I’ve been posting daily smoothie recipes for try-outs and updating y’all about the May Challenge which almost coming to an end *sigh of relief* lol

So who’s throwing me a 3 months party? Where am I picking up my invite? Will there be jollof rice and small chops? Party packs? I have a dress that needs to be pranced around in… I’m waiting. Lol

As you’re well aware, our dear country Nigeria has literally been on a standstill due to the fuel crisis aptly tagged the #Petrocalypse on social media. And I’m typing this Blogverssary post a day late because of that exact reason – I couldn’t charge my devices therefore no writing-  I have heat rashes on my neck for fuck’s sake! Last time I had heat rashes on my body, I was 11 years old, why is an adult CHIC walking around with a nappy neck? Because… Nigeria!! I had to empty my fridge of all veggies, fruits and stew/soup and it hurts to see such waste of money/time/resources. It’s just heartbreaking. I really think some extra-terrestrial being just needs to click the reset button on this charade of a country and let’s start all over again. It’s unbelievable.

PS: If you you’re reading this and you have access to fuel, biko epp me! I’m begging.

Happy blogverssary to GB dot com and my sincere gratitude to all of you. Many air kisses*

Cheers xx




Randomness, rant, thoughts, Tidbits

Do Not Psychoanalyse Me. PLEASE

One of the fastest ways to piss me off is to try and psychoanalyze me. IT TICKS ME OFF!!!!
I just don’t get how people walk around looking to tell others about how they are – valid or not.

Me: I don’t like the smell of raw chicken
Them: You know, the problem with you is that…bla bla bla..

Me: Wow. Did you just see what that guy did? Scary
Them: Did he really? You know how you are about these things….


Once, while getting to know a new guy, our very first whatsapp conversation read like this:
Him: I didn’t hear from you again, was wondering…
Me: I replied almost immediately, it’s probably bad network. Meanwhile, I’ve been here thinking you got my reply but decided to blow me off, perhaps you didn’t like the font of the text *an obvious joke*
Him: Interesting. I see you’re one of those people who care what people think of you meanwhile you’ll be acting all tough
Me: Lol. What? How did you make that deduction from just one sentence?
Him: *explains in three long paragraphs about how deep down I definitely care about people’s opinion of me and how I’m probably not as hardcore as I like to think I am and how I really need to stop being so hung up on other people’s opinions and do me*
Me: Okay. Thanks a lot.

Suffice to say, that’s where the conversation ended.

One time, my friend and I sat behind a couple in church whose body language was admittedly quite off. I think the woman even quarreled the guy while we watched in amusement; much to the husband’s embarrassment. My friend now goes in full analytical mode about how their marriage is probably in trouble and how she probably always embarrasses the guy in public like that and lots more. I was like come on!! Chill out Dr. Phil. We know nothing about these people, nothing! Its unfair to make such strong statements about their dynamic based on just a 10 second display. That’s how my friend and I sort of quarreled over this oo. I was irritated. lol. [Hi hun, I know you’re reading this :p]

You hear these sort of comments daily from random people -Oh, look at that lady’s haircut and body language, typical “angry black woman” [sorry Mary Jane], Oh look at that how that guy acts, he probably grew up without a father figure, Oh look, this child is so clingy, he/she probably has abandonment issues etc. So fucking tedious! Is there a high that comes with telling people about themselves? Maybe the psychoanalysis is even correct but you have to be a really special person to always walk around looking to highlight other people’s back-stories – valid or not.

Instead, let me make a suggestion as to how that the conversation should read:
Me: I don’t like the smell of raw chicken
Them: Yea, me neither/I don’t mind it at all.

Me: Wow. Did you see what that guy just did? Scary
Them: No I didn’t/Yes I did.

Simple! Every sentence I utter is not and shouldn’t be an invitation to tell me about how I am. Else, we just may have to send you off to psychology school to go get an actual license, seeing as pro-bono work has zero benefits in Nigeria.


NB: I currently have these on repeat. Love love love!

Why is Adam Levine so fucking hot? And I cry when the brides freak out.. so beautiful. FunFact: They actually truly just crashed random weddings in LA, none of the brides were informed prior but the grooms were told to just expect a multi-grammy award winning band.  How cool? I’d die if Maroon 5 crashed my wedding party. DIE!

Mystikal has my heart. He stole it when he said “Shake your ass, but watch yourself”… Gotta love a rapper who cares about my wellbeing. Like S, don’t forget to watch yourself while you’re shaking your ass. Ha ha. Then on the Stutter remix?.. Sold! And then he goes on Ellen? My Ellen? Sealed.

Rih is bae! That’s all.

Happy Saturday. Cheers xx.


Dating, musings, Opinion, Randomness, rant, thoughts

Dating sucks!

I hate the dating game/process. Hate!

Boy meets girl or vice versa – they vibe – they start talking – set up dates – keep other options open – not working? Bye! Working? Still keep options open sha. WTF yo?!!!! Its stressful. When you talk about dating and the stress that comes with it, people give you advice like – “Don’t over-think things”, “don’t take things so personally” “Just go with the flow” etc and my response is usually “HOW?”. Is there a switch I can just turn off and on? How do you not take it personal when someone you’ve been trading hilarity and enjoying bants with just goes cold turkey on you and you’re stuck with conversations/texts/whatsapp messages etc that just leave you questioning your comprehension skills? That someone by words or action is essentially saying to you “you just don’t do it for me[anymore]”? Especially when you really want to “do it” for them?  Am I a zombie abi a robot? Are we even allowed to admit that rejection whether implied or explicit hurts our feelings/ego? Does it make us less cool? Shebi we supposed to be all stoic and robotic and always on the “Bad bitch/nigga” P… sigh. SKRESS!!

Putting oneself out there is quite tough and it’s just not something that comes easily to me, even though I understand that it’s the only way to get to know someone…. it doesn’t make it suck less. And I understand that this is how it works, same as the process of decision making with most things in life – job, buying property/car, business etc. you have to weigh the pros & cons and see how it adds value and benefits you..yada yada yada. But how can we apply the same principle for stuff such as getting a job or running a business with matters of the heart? When a business deal falls through, does it feel like your heart is shattered in a million little pieces and you can’t breath? It does? Okay maybe that’s a bad analogy but fucking hell…. A job/business is not a human being. It doesn’t have feelings, no heartbeat,no pulse. Its just not at par. I think that approaching dating/relationships as we would with business investments is already setting oneself up for failure.

I’ve had friends say to me “I love dating”, “I enjoy dating” and I look at them like they’re speaking Spanish but overtime, I’ve realized that what they actually mean is “I love going on dates – the dinner/food/drinks” [there’s a difference]. I realize that they probably have no intent from the jump of getting to know that person truly; it was just “I’m bored, he’s available, I get to dress up” and this to me is the fundamental difference. I have never gone on a date just for the hell of it. I agree to go fully hoping I meet a nice guy with whom I make a genuine connection and this is why i’m usually disappointed when its just bleh. At that point i’m thinking – “I dressed up for this shit?”, not “at least the food was nice”. I mean, I can eat in my own damn house in my jalabia with no makeup on. It’s a waste of my time honestly and I find it quite upsetting. Dating [to me] is not a sport, it’s not something I do when i’m bored to while away time. It’s “I want to get to know this person”; too bad if it doesn’t pan out well but I just don’t come at it from the jump with the intention to just play as is the case nowadays. Waste of my time.

I like to think I’m a complete representation of myself on any platform – virtual or real life – but it seems most people aren’t a lot of the time and maybe this is the issue! Its like you’re meeting a different representative of themselves per different scenarios and its really mind boggling to me how people keep these many personas up. If you connect with me via an instant messaging platform or virtually, and we eventually make it to an actual physical date, rest assured you will be meeting the exact girl you’ve been chatting with, only prettier 😉 [this is not an ad]; but you can’t say the same for most people and maybe this is where the disconnect happens. Lord knows I can’t pretend to save my life, but maybe I need to learn it? Perhaps this is what people expect? That you stick to the script they have of you in their heads? Because right now, if you upset me, i’ll let you have it and if I’m happy, you’ll know, I can’t pretend to save my life. So I tend to assume people are 100 with me too until something happens and I’m like – wait! What? Warrapun? – sigh.

Its a cold out there guys. Maybe we need to do like our fore-fathers did it back in their time, weed out the feferity and approach this thing old school style. I personally don’t think its the worst idea to have a guy reach out to me and go “my mother knows your mother and she says you’ll make a great wife”. Ha ha. What you say?

Are you single in the city? Are you dating? What irks you? How do you swing it? Any pro-tip?

Share below.

Have a great week ahead guys.



Randomness, rant

Oh the pressure….. of a name!!!

So in church today, Pastor said we should introduce ourselves to our neighbors and say hello.
Me: Hi, I’m Seember
Neighbor: Cindy?
Me: Say-aim-bay
Neighbor: Same day? Where are you from?
Why is this always happening?


Other versions of my name I’ve heard: December, Assembly, Sumbo, Simbi, Zembe, Sambe, Samba, Simba (Mufasa that one time)…and a whole lot more ridiculousness.

See I’ve always thought I had a very common name. It’s Tiv. Where I’m from, if you stood in a large group of people and randomly yelled out Seember, I bet you half the room will turn because….common! So imagine my confusion when people ask and say to me in exaggerated tones “OMG! That’s such a unique name, I’ve never heard it, where is that from? Tiv? Is that from Kogi?” etc. I never quite know how to answer these.
First off, when Nigerians do this, it irritates me. Now I’m not saying all Nigerians must know every name and its origin but when I get those extra questions like “Tiv? Where is that?” I just mentally check out of that conversation.
Nigerians in general are very well read, travelled and exposed, we have friends every place. We learn their names – Chinese, Russian, Polish, German, etc – and we say them right. Names such as – Przemyslaw, Zakrzewski, Wozniak, Safstrom, Ljungberg, Eklof, Lofqvist and those footballer names – full of consonants and alphabets that are missing from the English language sef. But we say these names and we say it right. Ergo, not knowing how to pronounce a Nigerian name (or even caring to make a proper attempt) and wondering if “Tiv is Kogi” makes me wonder if it’s about selective interest. How is anyone asking if Tiv is Kogi? First off, one is a tribe/language and the other is a state, lol. And while we are on the topic, asking someone if they speak Benue/Kogi/Kaduna etc. is not correct; states are states and the languages spoken therein vary greatly even in name [stay with me!]
Now, I do not know every name in Nigeria, but I like to think I can give a good guess of possible origins when I hear any and I dare say I can pronounce it well once I’ve heard it enunciated. Didn’t we all recite our 36 States and capitals in primary school? Didn’t we all read our Simbi and Ali go to school? Bassey, Okon and Edet lived in Calabar; Passport of Mallam Ilia; and lots more? Your knowledge of Nigeria cannot be limited to Lagos, Abuja and your home state. Too poor.

Are you from Tiv? Do you speak Benue? No I am from Benue and I speak Tiv. My name is Seember [say-aim-bay] and I know how to say your name right. Bye for now 😀

PS: The other day I was watching Wendy Williams and her guest for the day was Quvenzhane Wallis; Wendy just couldn’t get it right. She said the name at least 10 times and each time wrong. Is it too much to ask that you get the name of the guest on your show right? Pfft!!

PPS: I took some selfies on my way back from church because….. VAIN!! Plus, you just don’t let good lighting go to waste 😀

Also, brownie points for anyone who knows the movie I referenced in the title of this post.

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Do you have one of those names that gets butchered alot? Tell me about it below, lets rant together 😀