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musings, Opinion, Randomness, thoughts, Tidbits

….Part of the list

First things first……

Happy Easter Guys!!!

How are y’all doing? Better than me I hope?

When I tell you guys I have had a crazy couple of weeks, believe me! Robbers attacked my home 2 weeks ago and even as I type this, I haven’t quite recovered from the trauma of that experience. Like I’ve always been a person with extra heightened senses a.k.a fear fear lol but following the robbery I’ve become so jumpy that even my own shadow startles me ..it’s that bad. A week after it happened, I went back once to spend the night in the affected house [in a bid to get over the fear] but I literally spent the entire night awake waiting for morning to come, after which I packed a bag and never looked back. As a matter of fact, I am typing this post from the peace and quiet of my new home [in a much more secure place]. Yep! I MOVED OUT! Don’t judge me. There was just no way around it.
So in the aftermath, I had to deal with the madness of house-hunting and moving and all it’s hectic trimmings; not forgetting to factor in the general uselessness of the Nigerian police in scenarios like this; plus the fact that the work front has been pretty tough too dealing with a very unpleasant week of unavoidable office politics. Basically….. I have been SKRESSED! Life steady serving me a tall cocktail of a shit-storm; all the demands of my responsibilities didn’t even pause for a second for me to catch my breath but….. STILL….
So when I tell you I was looking forward to this 5 day Easter break with every fibre of my being, I truly was. This is why when I got asked out on a date this weekend, I didn’t even think twice…. Been a minute I wore red lipstick so…. Let’s go!

The date itself was alright, great for the much needed break/distraction so win. My date and I are talking, vibing and all that good stuff when he asked me a simple question – “What turns you on in a man?” He asked….
Me [without missing a beat]: …… Reliability
Now I know without a doubt that he was trying to steer the conversation to a more sexual place but I was Obtuse Onyinye for the night. My response clearly had him confused for a bit but thankfully, he didn’t pursue the conversation further and I happily enjoyed the rest of my evening with a hug goodbye.
Two things –
1. Questions like “what turns you on” are right up there on the level of “what is your favourite colour/food” type question for me. It is basic and unimaginative and frankly, a waste of precious interrogation time. To ask me “what turns me on” tells me this is the type of dude with whom I’ll need to explain my jokes every time; this dude is as literal as they come. I’d be like – “It rained dogs today” and he’ll be like “you mean dogs fell from the sky? Hei… this girl you can lie oooo” Facepalm! If you’re a great conversationalist, the information you seek will eventually drop without you needing to be so high school with the questions. So instead of asking “what is ABC”, try having a conversation that will lead to ABC being shared without the person feeling like they’re being put on the spot. Subtle and easy like that. Wanna know what turns me on? Just keep the conversation lines open without going on direct fishing expeditions and pay attention; the answers will be so clear you won’t need to ask me these teenage house party drinking game questions.
2. Rinse and repeat number one.

But I digress………..

I have been on many a date this year already and I intend to go on more because I made this year my year of “recreational dating” even though I’ve protested it in the past so I thought that perhaps it’s time to save myself and all my prospectives’ time and roll out this blueprint – a copy of which will be saved and handy for quick dissemination to anyone who is interested in me. I’m all for saving precious time.

As a teenage girl growing up, if you ever asked me what I looked out for in a man, the typical “he has to be tall, dark & handsome” would not have been my response. My first ever real crush was real eye candy then but that wasn’t what cinched the deal for us; there’s no gbish gbish for an airhead. I confirmed he was on my wavelength when he wrote me a love letter and it didn’t come “out of the garden of love, as the birds were whispering in the beautiful sky and if so doxology”… ha! While girls my age were happy with supermarket greeting cards, mine made me personalized cards designed from scratch on corel draw by him and wrote me songs that had my names in the lyrics…. Basic has never been enough, I’ve always wanted more. Doxology to the left…

So even though that guy asked what turns me on in a guy; I’ll remix it for the purposes of this post. Ergo… consider this a – “What S looks out for in a man…. The blueprint”.

• RELIABILITY
rɪlʌɪəˈbɪlɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being trustworthy or of performing consistently well. The degree to which something can be depended on to be accurate

As I got home and pondered on it some more, I realized that my answer to the guy from earlier – “RELIABILITY” would be the same even if the question wasn’t meant in a sexual way. Reliability is truly the first thing [and the most important] character trait I look out for in any kind of friendship [with both sexes] and most especially in a relationship. I even discussed this a little in a previous post about my love language and nothing has changed since then.
There is NOTHING sexier than a person whose word you can take to the bank! Who says what they mean, who follows through on their words/promises, who stands by their beliefs, who isn’t flaky and who is just an all-round solid individual. A person who keeps their word long after the mood has passed just because they promised…. A person who will tolerate a little bit of discomfort and stick it out just so they don’t come across as dodgy.… nothing sexier!

INTEGRITY 
ɪnˈtɛɡrɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Although closely related to reliability, Integrity is a tad different but just as important as the first. This trait is what separates the boys from the men; it sieves out the chaff and leaves the gems. A person with some modicum of moral upstandingness, nobility and honour would simply never find themselves in certain questionable situations, whether or not there is an audience. You wont need to beat him with a stick to get him to do the right thing, you wont need to sweat. The end.

• INTELLIGENCE
I am pretty intelligent [yes I am] so pray tell what I’d be talking about with a slowie? Mr. Me has to intimidate me [in a good way] with his brain chops. I have dated a few slowies in the past and it’s a disaster waiting to crash because subconsciously, I don’t rate these men and it shows in my attitude.
Think critically, don’t just flow with conventional opinions and never stop learning. I’m not asking that he reads the encyclopedia back to cover but just be savvy in general, Shikena. A huge part of this component is Emotional intelligence because of what use are your smarts if you don’t know when to apply sense? Believe me when I tell you there is a direct vein that links this quotient to the happy juice factory in many a girl’s loins.

SENSE OF HUMOUR
Everyone has a sense of humour, so I guess the litmus test here is – what is your brand? Brit or Love and hiphop ATL? Efe’s “based on logistics” or “go fucking chew on that Debbie Rise”? Fluent in sarcasm? I must point out here that the “brand” of humour is the most important thing. No matter how many boxes a person checks on my list, if our sense of humour is not in sync then it’s back to the drawing board because the nuances of humour-in-sync can’t be manufactured. Sorry. I am still friends/ly with all my exes and this is why – long after the fluff and the sexy has burned out, the laughs remained.

• PARTNERSHIP
Gotta love a guy who is grounded and possesses that quiet confidence because he’s got nothing to prove, this guy has tamed his ego and his man-ness isn’t about arrogant dominance. He has no qualms showing vulnerability. Such a man understands that respect, communication, reciprocity, compromise etc are none negotiable aspects of a relationship and that being controlling and manipulative will earn him no points. He understands that his partner is his equal and her opinions/input matter. The only time I want to be subjugated is in the sack and even that requires my consent first.

• AFFECTIONATE
Physical touch that shows fondness or tenderness, whether or not it leads to sex is heartwarming. Not necessarily campaigning for Over The Top Vom inducing PDA but let ‘em see you’re into me [and you can’t help yourself]. It’s also a subtle way of asserting ownership and this is sexy AF.

• GENEROSITY
With time, feelings and money. Mr. Me needs to willingly share TONS. Holding back on any of these? We simply won’t work.

While this list is nowhere near exhaustive, it’s a VERY SOLID START. So there you have it.

Whenever I share this list, there is always that one person who jokes about how these tall lists get shorter with age. Ha ha. Not. Speaking for myself, my list has not grown shorter over the years, instead, it has grown more robust [hello Coza folk] and now more than ever, I’m more certain of not compromising on any of these as I would have in the past.
Anyways what do you make of my list? Also now that you’ve read mine, I’d like to hear yours too so please share with me down below about your “what I look for”. Has anything changed or remained the same since you last checked? Let’s hear it…

PS: Here is a photo of my gorgeous self still rocking the hell out my haircut… Just incase you’ve forgotten what my beautiful face looks like 😀

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Happy Easter again guys…

Mwahxx

S.


12 Comments

Hair, Lifestyle, Randomness, wellness

I did it!!!! 

Guys….. Guess what?

I cut my haaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Yes! ALL OF IT!

So what had happened? What’s the story? Sorry to disappoint y’all but there’s none. At least not a spicy one ~ nobody broke my heart, it’s not a declaration of any sort, it’s not the intro to some “new year/new me” BS and it’s certainly not a “big chop” a’la naturalista speak. Nothing! Except really bad split ends, a receding hairline a’la Iya Bose and a generally unhealthiness to my otherwise luscious Tiv hair.

I mean, I’ve toyed with the idea of shaving it all off for a while but I always ended up talking myself out if it. I’d tell myself that maybe I should wait till I had lost some weight ergo shed the chubby cheeks [lol], and/or wait until I had changed my wardrobe to match my new look etc. Then i’d get overwhelmed and just abort mission. Rinse and repeat!

So exactly a week ago, I took out  braids and when I tell you the braids ran away with my edges…. A mess! I just thought to myself – what the hell, it’s just hair, it’ll grow back plus I’m Tiv….hair aplenty! And that was that! There was no going back! I didn’t even let myself over-think it this time … On the night I decided, I was out by noon of the next day sitting in a barber’s chair armed with my inspiration picture like cut it!cut it!cut it!cut it! the hair is way too bad ,you need to cut it *lol*

It’s exactly a week today and I’m LOVING IT!! Shower time is a goddamn production. When the water hits my head and trickles all the way down my back, I can’t help but wonder to myself why I waited so long to do this. And then the fresh air that hits me each time I step out… Magical I tell ya!

I won’t lie, when I decided to cut it, I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be like. I worried that I’d look like a boy with breasts and it wont work with my thickums frame but let me tell y’all….. Best decision ever! As I walked out of the barber’s shop after cutting it, totally unsure about how I was feeling, I shit you guys not, some man was coming into the salon at that exact moment and said to me “you look beautiful”… whoop! I basically floated all the way back home like yea bitches! Ha ha

You know what’s surprising? The reactions I’ve been getting have been so great for my already inflated self esteem. I honestly thought I was wiping out an entire pool of potential toasters with my prepubescent boy cut but nah… It seems like what I did was open a wider pool. Heck; I’ve gone on 2 dates since this hair cut and I AM NOT COMPLAINING. LIKE AT ALL. And it’s only been a week! If we continue at this rate, I’d probably be ending 2016 with a husband. HA! jk! No not really! jk!

The only downside I’d say I’ve noticed is that with short hair, there can’t be that many “no makeup” days lest you end up looking like you’re sick.

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Without Makeup… Call me Bros!

I normally don’t wear makeup everyday [even when I’m going out] but with this new haircut, I have to at least fleek the eyebrows and dust my lips before I go out and that’s problematic for me [speaking as someone who doesn’t wear makeup everyday]. But for y’all hot potato mamacitas who do not like to carry last and generally fleek the damn face everyday, this is right up your street. So go forth and flourish!

You know what works tho? Red lips! Like… it’s a match made in short hair heaven.

I mean… am I glowing or nah? Hellur

My sister [who is totally jealous of my new hair btw] has been drooling talking about “maybe I should cut my hair too” and I’m just looking at her like ~ jealousy is a disease ~ “Amoshine when amoshine” lol. Also, she has the healthiest long hair, with perfect edges so why rock the boat when it’s not shaking? Girl bye!

My sister & I

You people should have told me sooner that life as an adult female with short hair is quite THE EXPERIENCE! I would have done it sooner. Since they didn’t, i’m here to tell you… If you’re considering taking this plunge, DO IT! All I advice is that you do your research prior – look at countless pictures of people with your face/body type rocking different short hair styles, ask your loved ones to help you pick, speak with stylists etc. There is a haircut to suit every kind of face/head shape, so find yours!

 PS: Shout out to my snapchat family for helping me vote with the options I posted asking their opinions. Y’all truly came through hard. Thank you so much.

PPS: Want to interact with the blog’s social media pages?

Twitter: @GBTheBlog

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Snapchat: @Gorgeousbskin

So what you say? Do you like my new haircut?

Happy Holidays xx

S.


12 Comments

musings, Opinion, Randomness, thoughts

Let People Enjoy Things

 Except you’ve been living under a rock; you already know that the latest thing to have taken over the world is Pokemon Go! Incase you don’t already know, Pokemon Go is a location based reality mobile game that requires you to have an internet compatible iOS or Andriod device which you then use via GPS or Camera to capture, train & battle with virtual creatures ~ Pokemon. One more mobile/internet distraction but hey! People are OBSESSED and I’m sure the creators are so happily smiling to bank… Ka-ching!!!

All seems like clean easy fun and shouldn’t be a big deal right? Yes! Except there have been several reports of people getting shot & killed especially in trigger-happy America when they enter other people’s property in search of virtual pokemons and the home owners mistake them for trespassers/burglars. But there are also the people who have nothing but great things to say about this game; like the mum of an autistic boy who is suddenly interacting with people and seems to be making a lot of developmental progress on the premise of enjoying Pokemon Go. There are also the group of people who infer that anyone who is into the game is childish & jobless [because you should be busy chasing that paper and making bank, not literally chasing some virtual devil creatures] Lol.

What a time to be alive!

However, as expected, there has been a lot of criticisms of this new game and while reading the arguments for/against on twitter the other day, someone tweeted this…….

“LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS”

Such a simple statement yet it has stayed with me since the first day I read it. Since then, there hasn’t been a day I don’t tweet it or say it out loud to myself. Words so simple yet so succinct! Words so simple yet so meaningful and impactful. Words so simple yet so far reaching in consequence &implication. Clearly that advice transcended the pokemon debate for me and suddenly held a far more important implication for me – let people enjoy things.  In other words, live and let live! Basically, tolerate the opinions and behaviour of others so that they too will in turn similarly tolerate your own. It could all be this simple…..

LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS!

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For example, I personally love to eat soggy cereal but so many people will barf at this [until they finally see the light] lol. When I make cereal, I sometimes pop it in the microwave for about 30 seconds to get the milk warm and soak the crunch. I’ve been called disgusting for this and I usually just laugh it off because this cereal is going into my mouth not yours; so why so anal? However, on the flip side, there have been many times I judged people for some of the food choices they enjoy too. Hypocrite much! Let people enjoy things…..

What about our church shenanigans? We dole out severe side eyes to anybody who is dancing too hard or shouting too much or just being hyperactive in general [normal day in a typical Nigerian church] while we are sat in our corner being all poised and chic. Of course, there is always that one brother or sister who always takes things too far [we call it “doing the most”] and roll our eyes at them every chance. No problem! Except, you don’t know their story and even if you did, how exactly is their loudness/hyperactivity affecting you personally? Let people enjoy things….

Don’t we all have that one person/account we love to hate on social media? We scrutinize everything they do or say, we help them count their money, we call them materialistic, we suggest that their lives aren’t nearly as flashy as they try to paint it, we love to moan & bitch about them all the time yet…. We never actually unfollow them. Why? Glutton for punishment? We argue with them about what constitutes their reality and fail to realize that our Sunday best is some people’s meh. See these fingers…. Let People Enjoy Things.

There was a time I could go out EVERY SINGLE DAY and club at least once a week. These days though, the mention of going to a club gives me instant headache and I just can’t anymore. I don’t know what changed, but something did and that’s all well & good. However, I see people who hang up the boots and suddenly start making weirdly condescending comments towards folks who still enjoy that hard core night life. Contrary to popular Nigerian opinion, going hard with the night life scene doesn’t mean the person is jobless or unserious about their life’s priorities. These days I enjoy lounges & chill music better than smoke filled rooms with boom speakers but that’s just me; if someone enjoys the latter, that’s their prerogative…. Let People Enjoy Things.

Say about gay people and their rights, you don’t have to agree with their choices but you also don’t have to actively seek them out and be hateful towards them. What they do in their personal life shouldn’t matter as long as it doesn’t personally affect yours.… it’s so simple. Let People Enjoy Things.

Obviously, some of these are just mundane everyday examples but we carry this behavior into even bigger life issues and it affects our quality of life at work, school, relationships, marriages, etc. where any opinion expressed that is in any way different from ours is deemed stupid/silly or where if anyone shows an interest in something we don’t particularly like or enjoy, we attempt to rubbish. Piss poor!

Imagine a world where we all purposefully lived in this truth – to not try and doctor or police people’s choices about things that have no direct impact on our personal lives – however different those things are to the things we like/enjoy.

Personally speaking, this is not an easy thing for me to do because I can be so set in my opinions and truly hate anything that disrupts my normal BUT I am challenging myself going forward to let people enjoy things; whatever those things are and however far removed they are from my reality. I will……

….…. Let People Enjoy Things.

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Will you join me?

What do you promise to let people enjoy? Chime-in in the comments section below.

***

PS: How have I been? I’ve been fantastic! Thank you guys for the check-ins, I appreciate them truly.

Still a beautiful baby girl 😀

I’ve been trying my hands at silhouette photography and below are some of my trials that turned out so well that I think I want to stop playing and truly learn this thing for real. What you say?

This is my fave!

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Have a lovely day xx

S.


14 Comments

Randomness

Elevator Conversations and Shenanigans

Yesterday my friend and I went to see a movie and then we bumped into another friend of mine Annie who was with his fiance [sporting her gorgeous rock] [ you did great picking that Annie] and they were meeting up with another couple so we all inevitably became a group [Lets call us: The Hilarious Six] seeing as endless belly laughs are guaranteed in Annie’s company… which is always a great thing.

So we are standing waiting for the elevator to come down for like 5 minutes and when it eventually comes, some people who had gotten to the elevator and met us waiting managed to karate chop us out of the way and get in, leaving us *the hilarious 6* all standing outside looking like – really? Annie looks at one of the guy and goes – “Oga even with this your suit & tie, you cannot behave?” Ha ha

BTW Nigerians, proper elevator etiquette [if that’s a thing] insists that you stand aside for people to come out before you rush to get stuffed in like a hot potato. The box isn’t going anywhere, it’s not agege bread.

Anyways, another ride eventually pulls up and at this point we are all standing guard by the door like – I dare anybody to attempt chancing us again”; we all made it in, a few others joined in and we proceeded to commence on the smelliest-sweatiest-saltiest-end of work hours elevator ride of our lives to the 4th floor. When I tell you that ride felt longer than 4 floors, believe me! But that wasn’t even the best part….

Some dude – burly, 9 month old beer belly, 2 shirt sizes too small, sweaty pits, upset and barking into his phone  –“whottayhu saying?!! I’m bigger than that please” “Don’t tell me that rubbish…”

*more gibberish but I forget*”

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

He was pissed! I’m just looking at him like – sure, you’re bigger :p. I tried to make up a backstory in my head of what the scenario could possibly be – perhaps it’s a girl on the other end trying to belittle him by asking for a bicycle when she could be asking for a jeep; or perhaps it’s those spectranet people that con you into buying data that you’ll hardly use only to tell you it’s finished in 10 days! Or maybe his container just landed and the clearing agent is insisting on a transfer before anything else and as you can see, it’s after bank hours [and internet banking is not for people who sweat & wear baby sized shirts]… Hmph!! All very valid reasons to be so mad in 10 seconds lol.

But, on the real – why are you shouting into your phone [that is probably right by another person’s ear] in an air tight elevator full of people? Do we not even get a choice of what type of conversations to eavesdrop on? Can’t the conversation pause? We all know network doesn’t even hold in there and so you hear alot of “Sorry? What did you say? Ehn?” *major side eye*

On making up backstories…..

Once I met this impeccably dressed Asian chic with a sleek bob haircut on an elevator and by the time we got to my floor, I had managed to convince myself that this chic was some assassin type badass, definitely there for a job [to strangle a bad guy with her pantyhose] and will exit afterwards via a Rapunzel hose hanging from the penthouse a’la Angelina Jolie in Mr & Mrs Smith.

FunFact: Did you know you wont see the number 4 in elevators in many parts of Asia? You’d most likely see 3A in it’s place because the pronunciation for the number 4 sounds like the word for death in chinese and y’all know how Asians take that feng shui shit seriously.

Another time, I rode in uncomfortable silence with a woman who wasn’t holding anything and her help [who had like 5 grocery bags] and imagined her to be like Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada.

By now you can see tell that i’m silly like that – making up backstories in my head for scenarios I know none’ about; all for shits & giggles. Quite the vivid imagination I have.

But really, what is it about elevators that makes people lose their shit? *cough*cough* Solange*

Why can’t people just hold it in for 10 seconds? Like for e.g do not fart when you’re alone in an elevator thinking it’s okay because you’re by yourself because I can deadass guarantee that it’ll stop on the next floor and a very beautiful girl/handsome fella will walk in and proceed to give you the screw face until you get out and the chances of bumping into that same person for the rest of the evening [or days] suddenly explodes exponentially. You can bet on it!

Like the couple I once interrupted – knowing fully well what they’d been doing before I got in;

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I stood by the girl’s right, positioned my nose waaaay too close [bye personal space] and proceeded to breathe heavily on her neck until I got off… that’ll teach her! Guilty conscience didn’t even allow her move away, lol

I know…. I’m badly behaved sometimes.

PS: Thankful for every one who’s checked in, i’m fine; just super busy helping with planning for two weddings. How exciting! I’ll gist you guys all about it soonest.

Also still on my happy trail, life is good.

PPS: Do you have an interesting elevator story? You know you wanna share…. indulge me please 😀

Besos xx

S.


10 Comments

Family, Life, musings, Randomness, thoughts

Hello….. It’s me

Hello…….. It’s me.

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Are you singing along yet?

Yesterday, I was pressing my phone rather absent-mindedly, trying to set an alarm when my eyes caught the date. I blinked rapidly and looked again – 1st November 2015. Wait what?! It’s not like I didn’t already know the date but we all know there’s a difference when you see with your eye and when you see with your mind [excuse the Game of Thrones speak, I’ve been catching up]. I had a mini heart attack for like 10 seconds because …. Where has the year gone? What did I do with it? Mental checklist, what was I able to tick off my 2015 to-do list? The answer is – not a lot. And that sucks.

It’s NOVEMBER! Of the year TWO THOUSAND AND FIFTEEN.

Do you remember back when we used to talk about the year 2000 like it was light years into the future? We’d talk as if by year 2000 we’d be writing letters about the medieval years of the past? Cars will be flying, robots will be hanging in the air dispensing cash to mortals, babies will be born with full sets of molars etc. Well look! 2000 came and went, then added 10 years to it and now we are wrapping up the 15th and headed towards the twentieth – 2020.  Indeed one is getting old.

I know we all say this all the time and it’s become a flimsy cliché but time does fly indeed and with each passing day, one needs to realize that life is passing by. It’s not on pause till you finish school, it’s not waiting until you get that job, it’s certainly not waiting to till you get married [and have that kid]; it’s not for nothing…. Life is happening right now, in this very moment, life is happening.  Are you living it?

I know that speaking for myself, I put my happiness on hold for so long for so many reasons [that seemed justified in the moment] that it’s almost as though I had completely forgotten how to genuinely enjoy a happy moment. It feels like I’m always nostalgic, wishing certain times back and basically living life with one eye permanently looking back and that’s sad because if i’m busy living in the now, I wont have time to be mulling over the “used-to(s)”. Right?

Look how happy I seem, but in actuality, I was miserable about a boy the entire summer of this photo. LOL

I realized recently that even in those times that I now think were so spectacular, there was definitely stuff I was whining about and wishing on, so truly nostalgia makes one see through rose-tinted glasses and with lots of embellishment of facts…. 

Contentment and happiness aren’t about the current state of things, it’s a choice and a mindset.

Every year, I say this is the year I do better until the next year rolls by with me repeating the same thing and it’s become like a joke, laughable really. How can your year be different if you haven’t done anything differently from the last? Life is about CONSCIOUS LIVING. Conscious steps, conscious choices, conscious plans, conscious execution, one foot in front of the other…. every day. CONSCIOUSLY. That’s living.

BUT; If I learnt nothing this year, I learnt that I have to live my life for myself and make my choices based on what works for me first before anybody else. I simply cannot tell you how liberating that is.  Prior to this realization, I self-identified as a daughter and a sister before anything else. This meant that in making my life choices/decisions, I always prioritized the collective good of my family and that the pendulum always swung to the side of what was best for everyone[irrespective of how back breaking that choice is for me as a person]. I will always choose what makes everyone else’s life easier [never mind that it meant that it was going to make my own life a lot tougher]; I just always wanted everyone to be happy and okay. I think this comes from being a first child and my natural protective-motherly instinct and if i’m being completely honest – my Savior mentality. Captain Fix it Me. Perhaps it also made me feel needed/useful/wanted when I took charge and maybe there was a part of my sense of self that hinged on being wanted/needed/useful. It made me feel good & dependable when they’d say “Beezy will sort it out” and so I’d get into fixer mode and that dependency made me afraid of being otherwise disposed, of saying “I can’t fix it this time“, “it’s not convenient for me“, “not today” and saying “No“. But it was killing me, turning me into a shadow of myself and making me thoroughly stressed [I shared a bit about that pressure here]. Slowly at first, then it got to the point where the choice was simple & clear – fix up or break from the sheer weight on my back and so I CHOSE ME. Grudgingly at first, and with a lot of tears but I finally did it. I know it sounds simple but it was not an easy journey to this realization for me. As children, we don’t quite realize how hard we internalize our parents words/ideals until we start trying to actively break out of that zone. Truly. However, the moment this light bulb lit up, it’s like I’ve been walking on air. I feel so much lighter and quite liberated and it’s reflecting in my choices and in my daily life.

I still feel a lot of guilt when I choose to assert this new self-realization, especially within my family because these type of strongholds don’t break overnight but I’m consoled by the fact that I know without a doubt in my mind that I’m doing the right thing; and I know this because of my peace of mind and also because, now more than I ever, I have gotten so much support from my family, it’s like I just needed to break out first before things settled in and i’m so glad I did.

 

So I can confidently say on account of this ONE THING, I won 2015. It has completely changed my life.

Can I just say, 2015 hasn’t wrapped up yet, so even you can still score your own touchdown if you want to. I saw this text-gram below on Instagram and I was so moved by it. I think it says it all. Think positive thoughts!IMG_9572.JPGI cannot over-emphasize the importance of having the right mindset, the right attitude and the right mentality… trust me, I learnt!One of the most touching moments when I felt truly loved by a person happened this year; very recently actually and let me tell you, you haven’t experienced love until you’ve experienced the unsolicited/selfless/no agenda type of love…. especially when found  in the most unexpected of places. I say this to say, when the vibes you’re exuding change, the universe takes notice. Believe that!IMG_9011.PNG

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By the way; Guys…..

What monster human did this? Who shall we arrest for this? How can you put almonds in a snicker bar? Are you trying to kill me? I’m sitting here telling myself – “well, almonds are healthy” and rationalizing this shit like okay, its just 180 calories, I can burn that easy…. except I eat more than one at a seating. Christ! Somebody save me.

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2yrs, 4yrs and Adult something….

Picture above is one I just decided to share with you guys today just for bonus laughs to make up for being AWOL for so long on here. Go on…. laugh till your sides hurt. Then use your church mind and tell me honestly if you’ve ever seen a more badass mean-mugging child. I think I’ve always had that face that says “I’m not here for your bullshit“. I haven’t changed faces at all. #VintageS

I really did miss you guys, tell me this love is reciprocal 😀

Talk to me in the comments please 🙂

Air Kisses for everyone.

S.


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