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Birthday, fitness, Happy,, Health, Lifestyle, May

Freaky Friday

You wake up on a regular day going about your mundane mindless business not knowing what it holds for you and isn’t that just exciting? Mine was the late hours of Thursday into Friday morning. Nothing about that day seemed like it’d turn out to be post worthy, I really thought the most exciting thing about that it would be my Asos delivery plus the fact that a friend of mine was in Abuja from out of town and had mentioned he was going to take me out to dinner in the evening for my birthday. Sounds normal and simple right? Jokes!

See if you ask me, I’d describe this friend as a – pretty chill, easygoing, normal, decent, Jesus boy – so nothing had my bells ringing. It was just dinner, catching up and good conversation and I was looking forward to it. He had meetings that ran later than expected so dinner got bumped up to a lot later than I planned, which was ugh because fitfam [I feel guilty about eating late these days but it was my birthday so…exception :D] However, we could still hang out and I get to drink my weight in calories. Ha ha.

So we ended up going out in a group of his friends and their friends and it turned out to be a group of us knocking back shots, cracking crazy jokes and laughing a lot plus off-key singing of happy birthday songs. I was having a great time. Then one of the guys goes – “Make we go dance for that our place”  and all the guys go “yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees” and I’m talking to myself like S, this is not the time to be a party pooper, it’s your birthday and you’re allowed to let your hair down. So we head to this place in Wuse 2 that looks NOTHING like a place anyone would refer to as “that our place”. The security guys do a check and after some muzzled convo, we are let in. Let me say, I pass this place on a regular and nothing about the outside suggests that something happens on the other side of the fence that requires muzzled conversation and a pass to get in, but I was about to learn. We enter a room that looks like an Asian restaurant and as I make to sit down, one guy goes – “E be like say today no dey happen” and the waiter goes “ehn Oga, today na off day”, the guys all sigh dramatically and the ring leader dude goes, “make we go, I sabi another place”; and so we all file back out into the car and head to the next spot.

PS: I later gathered that this spot is an exclusive spot for some level of debauchery that I don’t think I’m ready for. Good thing it was “off day” lol

So we all drive to the next spot, turns out to be a club and I’m already dreading the fact that my hair was going to reek of smoke [and sweat] for the entire next day but me no party pooper so we get in. Some huge guy comes out to shake hands with ring leader dude and greets the rest of us profusely and leads us towards a tiny spiral staircase that I hadn’t noticed. I’m thinking – nice, at least we won’t be stuck with the mogbo-moya group – lol. We get upstairs and are led into a second room that leads to another door covered in a suede fabric and I’m thinking – how many more doors before I find myself in Alice’s fantasy land? Is this a Nollywood script? Is this the end? – but I’m no chicken, so I continue in bravely. And we are in. Small room. Really small. With a pole in the middle and in that moment, I realize I’m in a strip room [not club], but I don’t want to jump the gun. Perhaps it’s a multipurpose room which doubles as an exclusive room for special guests who don’t want to mix sweat downstairs with plebs. Ha ha. . I can bet a lot of you Abuja people go to this club regularly without realizing what’s happening upstairs or maybe y’all know and i’m the lastma lady. Per usual.

Drinks are ordered, music is way too long for any type of conversation but people still insist on talking which leads to a lot of nodding & smiling even if you don’t hear a word of what’s being said. Like the person may just have said “your mama is a bitch”, but you’ll be nodding & smiling; not to mention the stray saliva in one’s ears. Ugh! Anyways, we are sipping our drinks and swaying to the extra loud music and next thing I know there’s a nyash in my face like bam! I swear guys, I didn’t see her approach, all I know is that my head was turned for a split second and next thing somebody’s asshole is in my face. Yes, an actual ass hole. The one where shit comes out from. Buck naked!!! OMGOOOODNESS!!! How do I act? Am I breathing too fast? Does my smile look fake? So many questions/emotions.

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My face!!

Let me just say, this is my first time ever in a strip anything in Nigeria so I was so more confused than anything . This isn’t the night I signed up for. Why is this female rimming my glass with her coochie? Why is she focused on me? Why not the men? I’m not buying this product, I’m straight. I later gather, she’d been instructed to please me as it was my birthday. I was mortified. Not because I’m the holiest but it just didn’t work. First off, the room was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too small, thus the girls were too close for comfort and/or any type of sexy. I was like we were doctors examining body parts and y’all know nothing looks sexy under a microscope. I swear if I looked hard enough, i’d probably see how many eggs their ovaries produced this month and how clean the Fallopian tubes are; Too close! I held my breath so much I thought i’d pass out at some point. I felt light headed. The girls took turns, each one mounting the pole and doing her number for about 10 minutes each and they ranged from the Naomi Campbell-esque to the thickums to the never-have-an-extra-burger type bodies. Because the room was so small, the Naomi Campbell types were a hazard to everyone on the room; with their swinging hair & 50 inch heels, when they attempt to swing on the pole, the whole room would duck. Lmao. One guy actually said – “ahn ahn, you wan throway my drink?” *real tears* The thickums worked for the twerking and the lose-the-burger types…..oh well *shrugs* But I guess they needed to cater to all kinds since taste varies [as though women are icecream flavours]

I may be wrong but isn’t stripping more about selling a fantasy and holding the room captive by peeling the ropes off one long salivating moment at a time? These girls here would mount the pole, shake shake shake then completely stop, stand up, then proceed to remove their bra & pants in the most unsexy manner, like how you’d take yours off after a long day back from work or like they were about to go and poop/enter the shower and then they’d tie it around the pole like [make e no come loss] or they’d toss it to another of their stripper friend waiting by the sidelines and say in a loud voice “abeg hol am for me”  because the music was quite loud. WTF?!!!! Zero build-up, Zero anticipation, Zero sexy. That wasn’t stripping. There was this one whose bra looked like a sports bra…. No kidding! I was more amused than irritated.

But the entire time I sat there, I was wondering what would make ANYONE choose such an occupation. There were two of these chics that had legs that are longer than my entire height, they’d give any model a run for her moolah and they could be so much more than just N200 tips. Nobody even tipped while were there, instead the guys were making rude/lewd comments every minute – “E be like say this one done born o, her breast don fall” “this one belle wan choke am” etc. I reckon the girls don’t even have direct access to the cash as the pimps are the middlemen. In that moment, I just wanted to serenade them with Drake’s – Marvin’s Room[I’m just saying that you can do better] – Later as I was discussing this with a friend, she mentioned that the actual cash doesn’t come from these Friday night little room performances but from the parties they get flown out for. She said that the little friday shindigs were more like an audition for the big[ger] fish.  I was thinking – not for these crop of girls sha. They didn’t quite cut it. But on the other hand, you see how the pimps live? Who do you think is maxing out?

Anyways after one too many nipple smacks, clit flicking and stuff I can’t even type here, I was ready to go home. The ring leader guy was like – “I bet we showed you a good time! Happy birthday – and I was like indeed sir! I’ll never forget this experience. Cringe!

Yesterday I sat in a car that drove past that building and I just smiled to myself like…… Na me biko! Then I sent a text to my friend saying – I underestimated you. He replied with a devil horn smiley. Smh

***

I signed up for another challenge on Nike run after getting an invite from Anu; called the 7 Day Madathon. This challenge was to complete, run and cover 40km between  4th – 11th May (7 days) and i’m super proud to inform y’all that I FINISHED FIRST!!!!!!! And here’s the kicker, I completed my 40kms in 2 days 8 hours. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!!!!

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Can I gloat? When I saw the 40km challenge invite, I thought to myself that this isn’t a challenge… I do this with my eyes closed. hahahahahahha… Super stoked that I won! I’m a sore loser, so i’m very happy to have won. Congrats to everyone else who participated, its okay to be second…or third… or…… Muahahahahahaaa 😛

***

I just returned from Benue where I ate pounded yam for breakfast, at lunch and at dinner. I kid you not! But I don’t even feel once small ounce of guilt, I don’t eat pounded yam often so when I get the chance, I use it well. My sister made this soup ehn… Best!!! And I got to meet the new addition to our family – Baby Afa – too precious. So now I have 4 babies, i’m a proud aunty. My quiver is indeed full.

Btw, May Challenge is still ongoing and I feel great! Are you moving? I hope so!

Have a nice week guys.

Love

S.

 

 


24 Comments

Birthday, fitness, Happy,, Health, Life, May, wellness

Birthday shenanigans 

Guys!!!! Seember had the best birthday ever!!!!! I’m still on the birthday high even as I type this. It was small and intimate and had no extra frills but it was perfect. Nothing like an entire day dedicated to catering to your every whim by good friends and family.

Last year, my birthday fell on a Sunday so I started the day in church – rightly so. This year however, it fell on a Monday but it wasn’t a problem. Once I noticed it would be on a Monday, I made a date with Jesus for the 3rd; woke up bright and early and went to thank him for my life.  Took selfies after church because….. Vain-Seember!

      

So… 4th came!!! My phone started buzzing almost immediately. Lots of singing [frog voices and all] :P, lots of prayers, lots of tweets, lots of facebook notifications, lots of bbms, whatsapp messages. I had to turn the phone off at some point just to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzzz(s) seeing as I still had to run at 6am. I already knew I was going to eat like a cow during the day so I had no choice but to exercise. Woke up and headed out by 6:30am and look….

I fucking kicked ass! 15.5kms – 933 calories burnt. Whoop! I could now sit back, eat well and enjoy my day. And that’s exactly what I did.

My dear Boks & Achike were prompt and early and came bearing gifts of cake, HRM and Mac makeup. Can I talk about my cake for a bit? Okay! Listen! You have never had cake like this, I’m telling you. Double gooey chocolate with a hazelnut center filling and coconut topping. Achike and I started eating it before I remembered to take a picture so forgive the missing toppings ….. But look at this beauty. Tasted like good decisions and happy fat! My taste buds sang the Halleluya chorus… Handel’s. [Thank you guys so much Boks & Achike for my presents, I loved them]

Say my name!!!!

I made my winning jollof rice & peppered turkey. It never fails, everyone loved it. I forgot to take pictures because that’s what happens when you’re having a blast! Managed to find a haphazard one of the peppered turkey but it’ll have to do. Peep the protein powder in the corner…. Fitting irony because fitfam was parked in one corner just like that. Lol

Our friend Oria joined the gang after work with booze and icecream. Chai!!! So after all that rice and whatnot what did I do? I served the cake with a dollop of icecream and then drizzled baileys all over it. Yes guys, its not a coincidence that my waistline is thick, I sabi chop and I sabi mix am.  ha ha. PS: Guys, this Olmeca flavoured tequila is the shit! Serve it on the rocks with nothing else and thank God for good living. Yum!!

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We spent the rest of the day just laughing, teasing each other, gossiping, knocking back endless drinks, banter and all round fun. My friend Teni also joined us at night, she came to eat cake, but ended up eating rice too while wearing her gym clothes… lmao.

My sister posted the sweetest message on Instagram for me. Look at that – Me and my baby girl…. Miss Iveren. Then she sent me more pictures. Too cute. That third one looks like she’s saying “Happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu” but I think it looks more like a tantrum “Noooooooooooooooooooooo”…. We need to work on her lip-synching skills. ha ha. Look at her hair; Nigerian women is it by force to make your baby’s 5 strands of hair? lol

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Then look at what Wandoo posted on her Instagram page for me……. Walahi, my eyes started sweating! How sweet and touching!

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I love my family. I really do. And these messages touch a part of my heart that sings; thank you my dear. Mom called too, she says there’s pounded yam waiting for me in Benue this weekend. Best! My brother waltzed into my room in the afternoon to tell me that he’s been trying to post a birthday wish on my facebook wall but its not working. I’m like, shey its too much trouble to just come to my room and wish me a happy birthday? Facebook is better abi? LOL. He’s a special one.

It was a beautiful day indeed. May 4th.

So I woke up the next day feeling like a beached whale. After all that food and misbehavior, I knew I had to exercise. But God was merciful, it was raining so I had an excuse to not be out at 6am. Thankfully, the weather remained cool all day and so I headed out in the afternoon, armed with me new HRM [thank you Boki] and look….. 2hrs 36mins, 15.7km and 1322 calories later; I was feeling like Usain Bolt! Bye beached whale. ha!

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You know, I’ve always wondered what the disparity is between the stats registered on the Nike app vs one on a HRM and I guess its finally settled. The Nike app logged in 957 calories while the HRM logged in 1322; a whopping difference of almost 4oo calories. Woah! So basically, I need to go back and add almost 4oo calories to all my workout stats prior to using the HRM. I like knowing and seeing my efforts in such accuracy. With this HRM, its quite unlikely that I’d miss a day of workout, I want to see over 1000 on my wrist every damn day because my middle name is overkill. Yes! 😀

When I go out to exercise, I pretty much look like something a cow chewed and spat out! No effort whatsoever. Add that to all the sweating and i’m surprised I’ve gotten toasted on my runs. Sidebar: I love you Nigerian men, y’all are awesome for a girl’s self esteem. Anyways, I was saying…. After i’m done working out, I get back home, shower and primp up and……….. LOOK AT THAT!!!

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I CLEAN UP NICE AND I SAY SO MYSELF.

I’m such a beautiful girl. Ahn! See God was just showing off when he made me. It’s not bragging if its true. Lol.

Funny Story: One cool evening, dressed in baggy slacks, a tank top & shades [far difference from my workout clothes];I decided to walk through my usual run route to go buy something in games village and the security guys at the American school that always hail me when i’m running didn’t say a word to me. I said – oga una well done oooo – and they responded rather casually. Next day, I’m running past in my workout garbage chic look and its back to some very enthusiastic “Ah, sister, well done ooooo”. Lol. Apparently, they didn’t recognize me the previous day. I looked too much like a human being. Lol.  Cool story over.

***

All in all, I had the best birthday. I’m so thankful for everyone who called me, sent messages, bought me gifts, dashed me money and wished me well. May God bless each one of you and may you have people be just as kind to you. I had people come and go till about midnight and I was sad the day had to end. But even though my day ended, I’ve still been on a birthday high – the gifts are still coming in, the messages & calls haven’t stopped and it still feels like birthday at mi casa. Infact, i’m typing this with one hand because my dear Hauwa just sent me TWO packs of precious KULUWINGS!! In two different flavours. Lord hammacy! Guys, I have to go… *licks fingers*

Truly, I AM BLESSED! I may not have much, but I am loved and the love flowed freely. I cannot thank you guys enough, may God bless you all.

PS: Wondering about my birthday wishlist? I think it deserves a post of its own. Sometime soon.

Cheers xx

S.


19 Comments

Birthday, fitness, Health, Juicing, Lifestyle, wellness, Wishlist

May Challenge

Hi guys. 

As the title of this post indicates, I intend to do a fitness/diet challenge for the entire month of May. And I’d love for you guys to join me. Yes? Please say yes? You know you want to 🙂

After my misbehavior in Lagos, I came back home rearing to go back on the straight and narrow but I won’t lie, it’s not been all peachy clean. Between the birthday parties/dinners/lunch dates and random cookout invites *ahem Dooshima*, things have been quite windy. When I got an SOS from Dooshima, I knew it was the universe attempting to guide me back haha. So we both decided to start off on some type of regimen which we’ve managed to do for the last 2 weeks and while it’s generally been okay, I don’t feel like it’s enough because… my middle name is overkill. Plus I’m an all or nothing type person and honestly I’ve snoozed my alarm way too many times recently.

But it ends today!

Starting from tomorrow – 1st May [Best month ever!! Whoop whoop], we are going ham!!! Even though I’d probably eat tons of cake on the 4th because…. BIRTHDAY; it’s okay. I think just for that day, I’m allowed to faff, I mean, it’s my birthday. PS: Have you seen my birthday wishlist? It’s a real thing. I’m expecting awesomeness 😀

So what’s the plan for this challenge? It’s Simple! To cover 350 kilometers of jogging/running during the period of 30 days of the month of May.  DO NOT FREAK OUT!! This is a very realistic goal for 30 days. It just means covering the distance of approximately 12km everyday. Maybe more on weekends [if you please]. Don’t freak out! This target is very much achievable and you can do it. YES YOU CAN!!!!

What do you need? Just download the Nike run app on your smartphone/device  and add me via my username: Gorgeous Brownskin [obviously] 😉 and I’d invite you to the challenge once you’ve added me. that’s all! After that, every time you go out to jog/run, just launch you Nike app and it’ll automatically log in your workout stats and update it on the challenge board everyday. Simple as that! Very easy to use. Now if you want to use any other tracking app, it’s still okay, just as long as you maintain some type of accountability. But I’m hoping you choose the Nike app so I can enjoy looking at the challenge board as I kick your ass during this challenge ha ha. I’m an ass. Sorry.

Let’s do this!

During this challenge, I’ll be having a smoothie/green juice every morning for breakfast and a salad for dinner. You can find all you need to know about juicing here . Lunch will be a protein packed one – very important. and this will be so for all of May. I can’t stress enough the importance of maintaining a sensible diet while putting in all this work, it’ll be a shame if you workout so hard then ruin it with poor food choices so please endeavor to watch that. A very helpful tool I use to watch my choices is myfitnesspal app, it’s a very helpful resource. Read through that and get yours. 

In addition, I will be sharing my smoothies/juice combos/recipes on my Twitter timeline @GBTheBlog, so please follow follow follow. You don’t want to miss out on that. Remember to drink a lot of water in the course of your day during this challenge; preferably infused water and also have some green tea last thing before bedtime [even better if its infused with lemon and Apple Cider Vinegar]. Also, please, try not to eat anything after 8pm.

Before I forget, running/jogging is my exercise of choice but if it’s not your thing, feel free to infuse any other type of workout you prefer – Zumba, aerobics, spin, T25, yoga etc. The idea is to get active this month and it doesn’t matter how you’re doing it, as long as you are. If you have a calorie tracker, try hard to see over 1000 burnt everyday of this challenge. However, because its a challenge, you’re better off trying new stuff, even the ones you don’t particularly enjoy, so please jog/run with me. It’s not supposed to be a breeze but the sense of accomplishment you’d feel when its all over will be well worth it; not forgetting the svelte body – like there’s no way your clothes wont fit better after this challenge. Summer body loading!

I must warn you, i’m very competitive and so you should come ready :p I mean, I can tell you that it doesn’t matter if you don’t finish or complete your 350km because every little counts [and it truly does] but where’s the fun in that? Don’t you want to win this and win legitimately [The way I won my dear Humzz fair and square even as a rookie?] hahahahahahahahaha. So i’m really hoping you download the Nike run app and join me pronto 😀 This MAY CHALLENGE is to make sure everyone moves and eats consciously. Yes you can!

PS: Wont it be hilarious if one of you decides to whoop my ass at this challenge after all this mouth I’ve made? Don’t embarrass me please. lol. Infact No! You know what? BRING IT!!!!!! *stretches*

Have I missed out on any key information you need? Please ask me here in the comments box and/or on twitter anytime – @GBTheBlog. Don’t forget, I’ll share a lot on there everyday so follow and if you’re yet to subscribe to the blog and you want to, you’ll find the subscribe button on the top right corner of this page. 

Here’s to a kickass May. Let’s get to work.

Will you be joining me? Are you on board? Yes you are 😀

Your’s in sexy summer body

S.

Besos. XX

 

 


15 Comments

Birthday, fitness, Health, Juicing, Lifestyle, Travel, Wishlist

#MayThe4th Be With You

So guys…. Its officially Taurus season!! Whoop! Make way for the most beautiful [and usually vain] members of the zodiac. I cannot even try to deny this, all the taureans I know are proper vain *don’t look at me* A lot of my friends are Taureans too, which means every other day from today, I will most likely know someone who’s birthday it is up until about the end of May. Funners!
It’s my birthday in exactly 14 days and I keep alternating between feeling excited and having palpitations; but that’s not what I’m focusing on. I know you’re already thinking – “what will I get for my favourite girl Seember” :D, well wonder no more, I’ll make it super easy as I’ve narrowed down my endless wants into an easy list for you. Let’s get right to it.
1) India

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See the Taj, experience the culture, eat roti canai, deep tissue massages….. need I say more? Plus, my girl Pav will be moving to the US with her new husband by July and has been hounding me to come visit before she leaves. Someone make this happen.
2) Dubai
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I need a vacay. NEED. Plus I haven’t flown with Emirates since they started flying out from Abuja and that’s a shame. No? After suffering with them through Lagos for many years, they’re finally in my city and I’m doing lastma? Not swanky! This has to change.

3) Iphone 6
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Sometime in 2011, I pledged my allegiance to apple and became a loyal iSheep and I’ve not used any other product ever since. As a student with plenty extra money to spare, I often changed my phone just because! Again iSheep! Plus we all know how often new iphone models are debuted; but this time around, it’s not just for the fashunz/cool factor, I actually need it. My current one fell in water and has been acting crazy ever since. The buttons freeze, I miss calls all day, not because I’m away from the crazy phone but because the buttons just freeze and I just sit there staring at it while it rings until it stops; cant reply chats/messages, one app opens in another app like I’d open instagram and my twitter timeline will be showing..lol etc and people think I’m rude/ignoring them. If only…. So new iphone 6 NEEDED. Many thanks.
PS: I remember sometime last year on twitter, someone said, as a girl, if you buy your phones and perfumes by yourself, you’re a man. I had to find a corner to sit down and reevaluate my life because since I was born, I’ve never been gifted a phone, I buy all my gadgets myself with my own money. This year though, I don’t want to be a man any more. Eep me!
4) Perfumes
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I think perfumes are the easiest gifts to give. Although they’re quite impersonal, they’re still very useful. Some say perfumes say – I don’t know you well enough/don’t care to put a lot of thought into this gift/ but I know you’ll still appreciate this – And I do. I’m currently loving Si by Giorgio Armani, Velvet Orchid by Tom Ford, Ysl’s La Nuit, Tuscan Leather/ Plum Jarponais– Tom Ford etc. This list is by no means exhaustive. Feel free to surprise me with your own pick too, Options are a good thing 😀
Plus, as that twitter person said, I no longer want to be a man this year.

5) Nutribullet
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You guys know I’ve become the juicing queen and my poor juicer is beginning to sound like I do when I’m climbing the stairs. Like … warning… quarter to pass out. Lol. This one will actually mean you’re making sure I hit my target weight by my 6 month mark, so consider this your contribution to my fitfam journey. Plus, there’s nothing sexier and slinkier than a nutribullet in the land of juicers, its premium grade A stuff and so so convenient. No mess at all.
WANT! NEED! GOTTA HAVE IT!!!!!!! Please.
You can find it here or here. Many many thanks

6) Polar heart rate monitor

                  

This is a need that I’ve been putting off for a while because I was making do using my phone via the Nike run app as a guestimate for my workouts. However, now that my phone has packed up, it’s become even more imperative that I get a polar watch. Again… fitfam, 6 month target, every little helps. Find it here or here or via Instagram – @WaistedNation

7) Asos giftcard
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I could upload the link to the stuff I like on the Asos site but why stress when you can just send me a giftcard and I’ll get to clicking by myself? Easy. Fast. Convenient. I love. I Reeeeeeeeeaaaalllllllyyyyyyy want this. Click here to access the site.
8) Gym membership

I run around my neighborhood for the most part but it’s become necessary to include regular gym sessions into my workout regimen so as to switch things up. Also this way, I could include strength training into my regimen as I’ve been told that this is the only way I won’t lose too much breast tissue – which is the downside of regular running. ME I DON’T WANT SAGGY BOOBS!!!!! I love my boobies, they’re my babies. So I need to get back into the gym regularly. 1 month, 3 months, 6 months. You pick. I’d appreciate any. 😀

***

Okay I’ll stop here. Not because I don’t want more stuff but I’m beginning to feel greedy ha ha. If you look at my list, it’s made up of more stuff pertaining to my new attempt at a healthier lifestyle, and I’m just marveling at myself. I wrote a birthday wishlist without cake/chocolate/shoes/plenty vanity; Lord, I have grown up!!! But my dear friends, do not be limited by the above, it may be restrictive but I’m very open to accepting anything that’s not on this list… with a huge smile and a gracious heart.

Infact, when it comes down to it, credit alert is the absolute best. Oh yes! Don’t be shy.

Is my wishlist too ambitious? Brethen believe me when I tell you…. Confession is possession. Come with a generous spirit 😀
Many Thanks.

Besos xx
PS: My birthday is on the 4th of May [just incase you missed my uber witty post title]


6 Comments

fitness, Health, Lifestyle, wellness

Myfitnesspal…. Yourfitnesspal….Ourfitnesspal

Are you on a fitness/healthy eating journey? Are you a conscious eater? Do you care about calories and measures? Have you downloaded the Myfitnesspal app? No? You’re already doing it wrong! Lol. What are you waiting for? Hit that button already… right away. I honestly think Myfitnesspal app is the Beyonce of fitness/calorie apps. It is just amazing. And listen, whether or not you’re looking to lose weight, this app will totally change your approach towards food, enhance your consciousness about choices and sort of fine-tune your mindset. Yes.

I downloaded this app for the first time in 2010 but deleted it almost immediately because…reasons! Infact I totally forgot about it until I downloaded it again in January and realized it was already showing my details. Forgetful Jane, me. Lol. It is such a helpful app and now I’m hooked and honestly don’t know how I ever functioned without it. Thanks to this app, I have become a walking encyclopedia of calorie information and a major source of annoyance to my friends and family.
Friend: Would you like a coke?                                                                                                                                                         Me: Ehn? That’s 270 calories                                                                                                                                                               Friend: I’ll just have Indomie and egg for dinner                                                                                                                             Me: That’s 370+78 = 448.

Who AXE you sha? Sabinus! I usually get a mean side eye but I’ll be on my Ray Charles swag…. Lol

Using this app, I’m realizing that just because something is healthy doesn’t mean it has less calories; and this is very important if you’re on a calorie counting spree. Often times, we think “oh its healthy so I’m allowed to have LOTS of it/oh I just had a salad for lunch so I can eat more at dinner”; scam! I learnt that with this app. Take the tuna salad below, its healthy yes but it doesn’t mise on calories.

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This tuna salad with avocado slices is a whooping 1098kl per serving

How many times do you throw stuff in your mouth mindlessly during your typical day and think nothing of it? A cookie here, a doughnut there, candy here, cake there… after which you sit down and think “I haven’t eaten today at all”, then proceed to make yourself a nice lunch/dinner thinking to yourself that that’s all you’ve had proper today. Scam! It all counts and this app rubs it in. One day, I tried to log in one tiny piece of coconut I had just eaten [as a snack] and guess what it said? 100g of coconut which is about 1/3 the size of an adult female palm was 354 calories. THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FOUR!!! How can a mindless/thoughtless snack account for nearly half my daily calorie allowance? I was upset. First of all, that was just a snack okay?! Secondly, I could have just eaten one indomie [370kl] and called it a day. Thirdly, I have to have walked 5kilometers [or run 3km] to burn 350 calories, meaning the opportunity cost of one tiny piece of coconut was a 30min run/5km walk? Ridic! Nah! The trade-off just wasn’t fair for me. I felt like it wasn’t worth it so no more coconut for me, I have better ideas for what to do with my 354 calories. Lol.

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How am I making these deductions? Regular use of myfitnesspal.

So how does it work? You download the app on your phone and sign in using an email or any of your social media accounts. I used my one-nation email because….paranoid! I’ve watched too many oyibo movies to be syncing my social media accounts to every app. Nah.

Anyways, so you log in and input your details – weight, age, height, location, your goal/target [mine is weight loss obviously], how much weight you want to lose and in what amount of time, how active your lifestyle is etc.; based off the stats you’ve just inputed, the app calculates and tells you what your daily calorie allowance should be. Mine is 1200 per day, my friend got 1500 so it varies from person to person. And you’re ready to begin your daily logs. A click of the home button opens up – status, water, food, exercise and weight.
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Personally, I only log in my water intake and food daily, the exercise I log in when I do; which is about 4 times a week and I update my weight every week. The exercise tab separates into cardio or strength exercises and you can log in almost anything from zumba to kickboxing to swimming. This app literally thinks for you and anticipates your needs. Wholesome.

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Now the food section is full of all kinds of food but sometimes you may not find the exact thing you just ate especially with Nigerian meals probably because Nigerians aren’t logging in enough new recipes but I can bet you’ll find a very close alternative. The trick is to add Nigerian to the end of whatever Nigerian food you type in the search bar e.g searching Egusi may give you 4-5 hits but searching “Egusi soup-Nigerian” will return more hits. Infact, once you type Nigerian in the search bar, all kinds of Nigerian things just appear… like magic ha ha. Trust me, it’s all there, you just have to be a bit creative.

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Another tip is, if you cook your meals yourself, you can simply create your own recipes in the recipe tab. Personally, I make almost all my meals myself so I know exactly what’s in it, therefore, I have a log of my own recipes now. Not only am I making it easier for myself to log in my meals, I’m also contributing to the data pool so other members of the myfitnesspal community can use it too. Who knows, that tuna salad you just logged in may just be my recipe and I like that. Makes me feel like I am doing my quota for the betterment of society 😀 ha ha

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Some of my own recipes

 

I prefer to log in my meals before I actually eat them so it measures my allowance, that way I can see what I need and how much/less of it I actually need to make up my daily requirement and then I make necessary adjustments where necessary. I find that if I log in after I’ve already eaten, the likelihood of going overboard my goal/allowance is usually higher.

Protip: I tend to exaggerate my portions to cover anything I may have missed, i think it’s better to exaggerate than under log which may mislead you into eating more albeit unknowingly.

Overall, I’m making better choices with my meals and being uber conscious of the “this vs that” debate. Like I’d much rather have a dense smoothie that is about 180kl than drink a 50cl bottle of coke which is about 210kl. One is filling and can hold you till lunch time; the other is just a craving that does nothing for hunger. And that’s not to say coke is a sin, I just know that I have to work extra hard in the gym the day I choose to indulge. Yes coke is now an indulgence for me. Shock horror!!

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Also, if I know that my lunch will be calorie heavy [like the beans & garri below], I usually will just have an apple and/or a smoothie for breakfast and green tea/ACV at night. It’s all about playing around with the numbers.

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A whooping 1090kl… Worth every mouthful though. Yum!

One uber cool feature of this app is that it reminds you of little but important details while you log in your meals such as “you’ve reached your sodium[salt] limit for the day”, “this food contains a lot of Vitamin A”, “this food is low in saturated fat”, “you can still eat 480 calories more to stay within your goal”…. How helpful! Which is why it’s best to log in before you eat so you know what to cut out or increase. If you log in at the end of the day, you may have overeaten or even forgotten that one mindless cookie you had at your desk at lunch time. No bueno!

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Another cool feature: If your turn your device sideways while on the app, it breaks down the content/contribution of every single food input to your overall daily goal and shows you a tally.

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A click on the nutrition button at the bottom of the log shows you a pie chart of your calorie breakdown for the day according to the three food classes and clicking on “Complete entry” shows you your projected weight in 5 weeks.

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Coolest!!

I think I’ve talked enough, afterall, these people aren’t paying me a figgin for this amazing review/sale pitch… I’m just Saint S riding on her lettuce leaves with the gospel of…. Every little helps.

PS: If you don’t have a smart phone but still want to be able to use this amazing tool, you can simply log on to  www.myfitnesspal.com on your computer and enjoy.

Are you sold? Will you be trying this app? Anything I forgot to address? Any questions? Just use the comments section.
Mwaaaahxx


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