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Encouragement

DIY, Encouragement, fitness, Health, Juicing, Lifestyle, Treatment, wellness

How I managed to get my Acne under control 

As a teenager, I had the clearest, smoothest skin/face even with a barely there/minimal skincare regimen. I could use basic drugstore products and not breakout in a mess and was generally fresh-faced.

The picture above was taken a day before my 18th birthday, I’m not wearing foundation, just white powder [which was my staple at the time].  The horribly thin eyebrows are a dead give-away and I don’t know what that open mouth pose was about. LOL.

So imagine my horror when in my mid 20s I noticed that my usual “Aunty flo is in town” – one zit a month face had become a full jawline of what felt like a carpenter’s sandpaper and grew increasingly worse by the day. All of a sudden, I was constantly covered in zits and would react to everything. Stress! Having acne as a teenager is normal with all that hormone surge, but when you’ve crossed the dainty age and the acne hasn’t cleared; it has instead gotten even worse, then you have what is called Adult Acne and that is an entirely different kettle of stress. However, be it teenage or adult type, acne is stressful condition to deal with especially for females. It’s on THE FACE!! That’s the first thing people notice and it can make for some very uncomfortable/awkward conversations that even though may be well-meaning, leave you feeling like you should just go home and never show your face in public. It is especially embarrassing because some people wrongly assume that having acne is a sign of poor hygiene. Not true.

Acne typically forms either as black or whiteheads which then get inflamed, filled with pus and usually leave spots and scarring. It is mostly seen on the face, back and chest [all three for people who have it really bad]. There are several causes for acne but the most common are – hormones , stress, skin sensitivity, food/diet and sadly hereditary. Some people are just genetically pre-disposed to having acne. Good news though, whatever the cause, acne can be treated and helped.

In general, I obsess about anything that’s out of place on my body; my face even more; so you can only imagine me having zits the size of a mini black eyed pea. It was so bad that I didn’t like going out and would constantly cancel plans because of breakouts which would pop up in crazy numbers overnight. The more I obsessed, the worse it got. I did everything to make it go away. LISTEN! I TRIED EVERYTHING; from normal topical creams that made my bathroom counter top & bedroom vanity table look like a mini pharmacy; to the fancy/expensive holy grail stuff, to the downright bizarre – rubbing alum on my face and cleaning with my first morning pee – Yea! I even got glycolic peel treatments that cost me about the price of a couple decent designer handbags so I’m pretty sure I would have sniffed dry goat shit if anyone suggested it.  I was THAT desperate. But the more I tried different stuff, the worse it got.

Let me mention that my typical day started by ordering McD breakfast at 4am and pizza at bedtime. In-between that; I’d walk around the mall eating cheesy hotdogs & pretzels, ice-cream, big apple frosty doughtnuts and be sure to bring back some for those midnight cravings. I always had a pack of snickers in my bedroom and all kinds of fizzy drinks to wash it down.  Then to worsen matters, I lived in an apartment block that had a food court behind it so Pakistani biryani and spicy beef was literally a 2 minute walk ANYTIME; not forgetting the cheese naan served with condensed milk. Ugh! Self-control was rubbish. Life in Malaysia was ridiculous I must say, good thing I moved but alas! the damage had been done already.

In general, Nigerians don’t think acne is something to go the doctor over [at least not in my circle] so I didn’t think to seek professional help at the initial point. However, as the acne progressed from tiny sandpaper whiteheads to humongous boils that hurt so much it was a pain to wash my face, I decided to go see a doctor.

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Luckily at this point, I lived in England and so NHS was a life saver; I made proper use of it. At my first consult, from seeing my face, the doctor was shocked I had waited that long to come see them and immediately put me on the strongest dose of a combination of antibiotics – Lymecycline and Co-cyprindol which I ended up being on for about 3 years. The doctor also asked that I change my pillow cases every 3 days and never wipe my face with my bath towel [I use disposable wipes/paper towels after a wash/bath till this day]. The acne cleared almost immediately but even then, I knew it was too good to be true. It was too fast!

This pic was taken a month after I commenced medication

As anyone would tell you; 3 years is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long a time to be on any antibiotics treatment, let alone one THAT strong but I was desperate and scared that the acne would return if I stopped. And it did when I moved back to Nigeria and couldn’t access my meds as easily.  I’d get the random help here and there when I could but on the whole, lymecycline & co-cyprindol aren’t available in Nigeria so I had to come to terms with the fact that the acne was indeed going to resurface. Even though I had temporary respite, I knew that it was a temporal solution because will I be on antibiotics for the rest of my life?  It didn’t disappoint. After about 8 months of being back in Nigeria, the acne started showing up, slowly at first until I was back to pre-treatment stage PLUS jara. Just look –

IMG_1247 My desperation hit an all-time high and I got pure retinol which I used as a cleanser. It peeled my face and made people ask me if I had started bleaching [and if yes, why wasn’t I bleaching the rest of my body] lol…. So I was forced to stop. I was truly miserable.

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Because I had no other choice at this point, I was forced to start doing some research and reading up on alternatives to acne treatments and the one thing kept being re-iterated and mentioned repeatedly – THE IMPORTANCE OF A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE, DIET AND EXERCISE – I think that deep down, I already knew this was a major factor but had been lazy and would rather choose the easier way out of popping meds while I stuff my face with bad food and make some generally unhealthy choices. However, I had noticed that whenever I was juicing and maintaining a sensible exercise and diet regimen, my breakouts would be less aggressive and the spots would clear out faster.  I had to finally tell myself the truth – my severe case of adult acne had a lot to do with years of an unhealthy lifestyle, ergo, change was necessary. Now in the course of my research, I see some opinions that one’s choice of foods/lifestyle doesn’t have much to do with acne but I am a living proof that IT DOES! Why do you think some people eat roasted groundnuts or dairy products and wake up the next day with breakouts? In less than 24 hours? I am of the opinion that while topical products can help mild sporadic acne, chronic acne can only be treated from the inside out.

Now you may ask that if it was about my unhealthy lifestyle and diet, why didn’t I breakout in my teens & early 20s when I was at the time still eating horribly? I reckon this is because as one gets older, your body will force you to take note of and change certain things you could have gotten away with prior whether you like it or not and this was mine. So I set to work, CONSCIOUSLY.

WHAT AM I DOING DIFFERENTLY NOW? TIPS?

  • I work out at least 4 times a week – run, T25, rope skips, zumba etc. anything to break a sweat works. Sweating opens up your pores and the benefits are endless. A 10-30 minutes workout for at least 4 times a week will do your body/system so much good.
  • I’ve become a conscious eater. This doesn’t mean I now swallow air and drink water lol, I’ve just included a lot more fruits, veggies and fibre into my diet. I still have days when I decide to be badly behaved but they’ve become treats [and I try to make up with extra workout time]. See what I got up to just yesterday, I’m no saint. IMG_7687.JPG IMG_7689.JPG
  • I have cut out refined sugar completely. Honey is now my got-to sweetener.
  • I’ve really up’d my water intake. I never really had problems drinking water so this was easy; I even went steps further by doing more of infused water as often as I can. Try it.
  • I have cut out all the frills with my previous complicated skincare regimen. In the past, I’d use so many products before and after a bath that my poor face will just dry out and breakout from too much. Now, I only use TWO products – my bodyshop tea tree range and Soap & Glory scrubs. When I’ve run out, I make do with Neutrogena pink grapefruit wash but I’m sure to always revert to my tea tree bodyshop wash.
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  • I wash my face only twice a day with warm water and tea tree face wash. I don’t use anything else on my face.
  • I don’t clean my face with my bath/body towel; I only clean it with disposable wipes or paper napkins. Never to be repeated. I also change my pillow cases every 3 days, whether or not I’m also changing my sheets. My first dermatologist gave me this tip because apparently, pillowcases & towels are prime spots for bacteria transfer.
  • I still struggle with not picking my face but I’m truly better with it nowadays. This is a terrible habit to have if you’re battling acne. Anyone who’s dealt with acne will tell you how hard it is to NOT touch your face. One day at a time.
  • Aloe vera, cucumber and an ice pack are great for soothing the crazy itching that sometimes comes with aggressive acne. Whenever you feel the itch, do not scratch AT ALL, instead place slices of cucumber and/or an ice pack or rub aloe vera juice on the area. It really helps soothe it.
  • A great DIY face mask is a mix of oats, honey and lemon juice. Oats has scrub properties; honey is a mosturizer while lemon is great for fading black spots. I use this combo often for home facials

    DIY Home facial

  • Moisturize! Moisturize! Moisturize! I cannot stress this enough! Having overly dry face/skin will cause breakouts just as much as an overly oily one would. In picking a suitable moisturizer, be sure to take your skin type into consideration – is it dry or oily or a combo? Pick accordingly.
  • My mum gave me these Swissgarde supplements – Skin, Hair & Nails –  which I’ve also been on. It’s 100% safe and completely herbal. IMG_1849

DONTS

  • Do not pile on makeup in a bid to cover the breakout. It does nothing to cover the bumps, instead it clogs your pores and aggravates the acne; plus there’s nothing more scary to look at than an overly caked face full of humongous acne. I know all about the urge to hide behind the makeup but trust me, at your worst, makeup is NOT your friend. Just chest the bare face [and stares] for a few days till the aggressive stage passes.
  • In addition, do not ever go to bed with makeup on. No matter how tired you are, wash your face before you snooze, even in the afternoon.
  • Do not aggressively wash your face one million times a day. Washing twice a day with warm water and mild products will suffice.
  • Do not pick your face and pop your whiteheads, it’ll irritate the skin and cause inflammation/scarring. Also, picking it will cause the bacteria to spread as your hands are probably dirty anyways.
  • Do not scrub your face at the aggressive stage of a breakout, you’ll just have angry acne on your hands.

DO

  • Maintain a proper face regimen, it’s not necessarily about the fancy products, it’s all about consistency
  • Begin [and preferably end] your everyday with a cup of warm water and lemon juice [wedges]. This mix flushes your digestive system, stimulates your liver and kidney and does the whole body great good.
  • Get to know your triggers. Some people breakout when stressed, some people can’t play with groundnut; get to know yours, if any.
  • Be patient with the process. Serious acne cannot clear in a day or a week or even a month. It takes at least 8weeks for visible difference to be seen but if you hang in there, you’ll be smiling soon.

So what does my BARE face look like today? I’ll let the pictures do the talking

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These pictures were taken just last night. Do you see the difference? Like I actually go out without an ounce of  makeup on. Ha! *dougies*

When I now decide to rub pancake ehn…. *who’s that guuuuuuuuuuuurl*

Although this is an incredibly sensitive post for me to write, seeing as it meant posting unflattering pics of myself, I chose to write on this because it’s something a lot of women deal with and I’m hoping that by sharing, it’ll help someone jumpstart their own lifestyle change and hopefully see visible changes as I have. Guys, I kid you not, a CLEAN DIET coupled with a SENSIBLE SKINCARE & WORKOUT REGIMEN will change your lives in every aspect.

If you have any further questions, please ask me below. I’d also appreciate tips from you flawless women; share with me your skincare regimen/fresh face tips.

Besos xx.

S.


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Dating, Encouragement, Life, musings, Opinion, Randomness

Much Ado About Apologies

I’ve been sick as puppy for the past 4 days nursing malaria and flu [and aunty flo thought it was the funnest time to join the party too] so it’s been one hell of a sick cocktail. I’m not the type of person who lays in bed and acts like I’m about to die when I’m ill plus I hardly fall sick, so when I actually lay in bed, you know it really got to me. So in-between the malaria hallucinations, the uncountable rolls of tissue and nose blowing, the fluctuating temperature and inability to sleep in certain positions, I started getting stir crazy wondering where I could just go and sit and watch people and nobody will side eye me for blowing my nose every second? No where! So I did the next best thing to cheer myself up – made myself some lemon+ginger+honey tea and watched my favourite movie of all time – PRETTY WOMAN. And then it started raining… perfect weather!

If you know me, you know this is it. I can recite the entire lines in Pretty Woman from start to finish. It is my all-time favourite movie in the whole world and I can watch it every day. I think the world of Julia Roberts and her magical-musical-beautiful-widest-toothiest-MostSincereSounding-belly laugh. And I’m not alone because a quick trip to google will show you that the “Julia Roberts laugh” is actually a thing and it has quite the following. People wey sabi better thing!

Just listen to this!

Cute Story: Did you know the infamous necklace scene wasn’t actually planned? Apparently, Julia wasn’t feeling well during filming and so to make her laugh, Richard shut the case and her reaction was so perfect, they decided to keep it in the movie. Awww 🙂

Anyways, so I’m watching Vivian Ward steal Edward Lewis’ heart one belly laugh at a time and I’m laughing rather loudly from my couch when the movie gets to this part I’m not very giddy about – the fight scene after the polo event. If you haven’t seen Pretty Woman and therefore don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m sorry but I can’t believe you. Anyone who reads this blog should have watched that movie at least 10 times [I’ll add this to my header]; but I’m feeling generous right now so I’ll recap a bit. Here goes – Edward takes Vivian to this Polo event during which due to the incessant heckling from his evil stocky short lawyer friend [whose name is Stuckey… OMG I just clocked this. How Fitting!!!] he reveals that Vivian is indeed a prostitute. Expectedly, Stuckey proceeds to troll Vivian with this information and even propositions her and it all leads to Vivian and Edward getting into their first major fight. Big! Huge! [catch the plug?]

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Like I mentioned, I’ve watched this movie more times than I can count but for the first time something struck me that I hadn’t noticed before about this scene. You know how you can  listen to a song one million times but depending on where you are mentally or what you’re going through in that particular time in your life, one part of the song suddenly resonates on a level you’ve never experienced before? There! That’s exactly what happened yesterday.

Watch this!

Vivian: You hurt me

Edward: Yes

Vivian: Don’t do it again

Edward:  Nods and blinks in affirmative.

That’s all.

Listen people! When you’ve hurt someone and they come out with it to you, just the singular act of accepting and acknowledging their hurt/feelings is enough to diffuse the situation. When someone tells you you’ve hurt them, they’re hoping that you understand how your actions/inactions affected them; that’s not the time to start arguing about your thought process or how you see things [you can do this at a later time] but in that moment, just acknowledge their hurt and genuinely mean it.  You literally cripple and weaken them and only a difficult/crazy person will continue with fire after that. As in the movie, see how fired up Vivian had been, she packed her things and was ready to leave; but after that apology, she turned and went back into the suite and that marked the beginning of a deeper more genuine relationship for them.

Now if you’ve watched the movie, you know very well that Edward didn’t mean to belittle/hurt Vivian when he exasperatedly announced to Stuckey that Vivian was a prostitute. He was caught off guard and truly hadn’t envisaged answering questions about them or even being public with their relationship; plus, he was jealous when he saw her talking to David Morse[from the company they were looking to take over] but none of this mattered. When she said “you hurt me”, his only response was “yes”. Nothing more, just YES. In that moment, he prioritized her feelings. It didn’t matter what the facts were, it didn’t matter what his argument could have been, it didn’t matter the what/how/when/where; all that mattered was that she felt some type of way and he recognized that and was sorry. Simple! THIS IS HOW YOU DO AN APOLOGY. None of you, all of the aggrieved.

This to me is what constitutes a sincere and heartfelt apology.

Another thing that can make an apology extraordinary is the awareness that you have to let people come full circle on their terms. What do I mean? See when you apologise for a wrong and the person isn’t ready to accept it yet, you have to back off and let them stew and then maybe try again at another time and hope that by then they’d have come around. This is of course based on the assumption that the relationship is still important to you and you still want them in your life. There are times when people apologise for a wrong and when the wronged person rejects the apology, the wrongdoer gets mad and starts saying things like – “but I apologized, what else do you want me to do?”. In that moment, you’ve made the apology become about yourself and not the wronged person. Let people come around on their terms; chances are, that way, the emotions have fully being dealt with and there’s no residue hurt lingering to pose a threat at a later time.

One of my best male friends is someone I swore I’d never ever speak to. We had a rough patch in 2010 and he reached out to me almost immediately and apologised but I wasn’t hearing it and we pretty much existed like that until 3 years later I log on facebook on a random day and see that someone we both knew from uni had passed away. He says he saw I’d commented on the post and decided to send me a friend request which I accepted almost immediately and it wasn’t long before we were back to abusing each other everyday on whatsapp [that’s our love language]. He’s truly one of my favourite people, he makes me laugh till my sides hurt and I can be myself with him and not worry. Best guy! I had missed him too but chances are, if he had tried to talk to me sooner than he did, I still wouldn’t have listened. See, nothing about our fight/circumstance/story had changed, it was just that time had passed so I was in a better place mentally and thus ready to let it go, it was all me. I needed to get to the point where I was willing to squash it, on my terms and I’m just glad he was still willing as well. Because, let’s face it, there are times when you’re finally ready to squash the beef but the other person has completely moved on and that will suck but it’s a chance we must take. There’s no other way around it.

I’ve also been on the other side of the spectrum where it was me who was desperate for my apology to be heard/acknowledged/accepted and the person just wasn’t ready. This person didn’t even tell me what I did wrong, they just slowly X’d me out of their life and by the time I realized what was happening, I was already completely on the outside by myself and it hurt me so much because I would never have done that to them. In that moment, I could have taken my righteous indignation and rode off into the  horizon but I didn’t. I put myself in that person’s shoes and tried to understand where they were coming from ALL BY MYSELF as they wouldn’t even talk to me.  I sent messages, texts, emails, called our mutual friends, pleaded, solicited in every way I could even to an embarrassing point just to be heard because that’s just the person I am. I want to be able to look back at every interaction with anyone who ever mattered to me and know that I did everything within my power to right a perceived wrongdoing, because…..hyper-active conscience. It didn’t work. We still don’t speak but it’s not because of me as I soon realized the entire charade of anger was a facade at assuaging a guilty conscience that had nothing to do with me.

Once, I unknowingly hurt a friend and she stopped picking my calls, I was so worried and made all attempts to speak with her; when we eventually talked, I apologized and further asked that going forward, if we ever have a problem, she should please just talk to me about it like an adult. A few months go by and she stops picking my calls again…. We haven’t spoken since then and it’s been almost 2 years. I was done!! Done because I knew that if I reached out to her YET AGAIN to try and figure out what was wrong YET AGAIN, then that was going to become the dynamic of our relationship set in stone; where she’s always on one while i’m always the one scurrying around to figure out what it was and I just can’t live like that. Adults should address issues like adult. If I’m not speaking to you and it doesn’t bother you and you’re not speaking to me and it doesn’t bother me then I think we both know what that means for our relationship/friendship. I feel like the sheer effort I or anyone puts into trying to understand why/when someone is mad at them [especially when that person wont say why] is indicative of the fact that they  care; because trust me, there are people who don’t speak to me and I feel like I should write them a thank you note like – don’t ever stop! Don’t ever start. Ha ha.

I personally prefer for people to be forthright with me when I’ve upset/wronged them. Just tell me! But I’m a hypocrite because I don’t always tell people when they’ve upset me [at least not immediately]. I would eventually do so at some point but I always stew first [partly because it never ends well when I speak in anger]. So I know what it can be like; waiting for people to come around can be tough but like I said, if the relationship is important, you’d figure it out. And wait.

Another type of apology I personally detest is when people say – “I’m sorry you feel that way”. I feel like its insincere and it just doesn’t show me that the person understands or accepts the part they played in hurting me, but they’re apologizing anyways for how I may have understood their actions. In other words – I’m not sorry for what I did, I’m sorry for how you understood/interpreted it. I remember I once discussed this with a friend and he explained that when he uses that line, he’s actually acknowledging their feelings and that I’m too hung up on semantics. Lol. Maybe I am, maybe it’s true but till date, “I’m sorry you feel that way” just doesn’t ring as a sincere apology to me.

Remember though that sometimes, people don’t always set out meaning to offend/upset us, but because we are all human, shit happens so let’s try to cut each other slack. The litmus test is in the effort put into making it right. There’s probably one person/situation some of us have held on to and are waiting for an apology about….. let it go. Sometimes, you have to be okay with an apology that never came/will never come. But if it ever comes, it’ll just be a pleasant surprise. Don’t wait on it.

What do you think constitutes a sincere apology?

PS: I’m feeling a lot better, malaria has subsided considerably, I’ve only gone through one tissue roll today and my nose doesn’t feel so sore anymore. But I’m so bored, one of you should find a way to cheer me up….. movie/cheesecake ha ha 😀

La’ers xx

S.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


37 Comments

Encouragement, musings, thoughts

Sometimes, Life comes at you fast…..

Something happened.  Sometime last month, I realised that I’m a happy person again.  Yes again. When that realisation hit me, I literally stopped what I was doing and sat on my bed and cried a little. Happy tears of cos. Then I tweeted this and did a little jig because it was true. IMG_2978

I AM HAPPY.

 
What am I talking about? Stay with me!

2014 was a rubbish year; from the very first day of it. I hated it. I rang in the year wondering what my then boyfriend was doing or rather who he was doing, seeing as I’d just recently found out he had been cheating.  It got worse! During the year, I was dealing with a breakdown of a relationship and a friendship, I was having a difficult time at my job that ultimately led to me resigning, i didn’t know what direction I was headed with my PHD interest, nothing was working and I was struggling to stay afloat physically/spiritually/mentally/financially and with everything which made me daily question everything I thought I knew about myself, people and life in general. I was angry.

I was angry at God, I was revolting in my heart, I felt helpless and I couldn’t even pray. Heck i didn’t know how to pray with such anger in my heart. All I did was sleep, watch TV, eat and more sleep. Inevitably, I ballooned and that led to even more depressive behaviour.  Everything sucked donkey balls and I was a shadow of myself.  I felt like there was no area of my life I could point to and say I was winning at. I was angry at the world, angry at myself, angry at everything and I’d lash out at the slightest provocation and then after the moment has passed, the ensuing guilt will make me feel even more crappy. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know how to stop this free fall. I truly felt helpless.
During that time, my aura was toxic and my pheromones were way off and it reflected even in my interactions with total strangers. I felt like even total strangers on the streets treated me harshly; I’d leave most conversations/interactions feeling quite sad & defeated, so I cut off from people and basically stayed in my house. Sometimes I’d find that I’ve been in my room for about a week at a stretch without communicating with any one. I felt like because of this toxic aura, anyone who came around me got sucked in inevitably. I was spreading toxicity like glitter and Christmas cheer. Ha ha. My mum was worried and expressed her concerns every chance; she said she was afraid of how much anger I had inside me and she wasn’t sure what was causing it.  It upset me even more. Call it the mum factor but she could see that I was crying for help, she just didn’t know how to help. Here’s the kicker, in all this time, I’d get on social media and be all happy & glitter bombs and witty 140s… smh. I was obsessed with coming across as strong and okay and intact and perfect; hated being seen as weak or downtrodden. Now, while I’m all of those things, I realize now that it is important to let things fall apart if they’re going to, so you can deal and heal.

It was truly a shitty year. 2014. I was happy to say goodbye.

1 January 2015 met me sitting with my mother in her bedroom watching a crossover service on TV, during which she prayed for me, for us, for the year and I sat there with my heart full because suddenly here was a chance at a restart; the possibility of starting afresh, brand new. I knew in that moment that I was in the right place and everything was going to be okay.

Now I know that some people are on that ~ don’t wait till it’s a new year to start afresh ~tip. They scoff at new year resolutions and make those of us who believe in them seem foolish. But I’ll tell you this, there is nothing like the promise and possibility that a New Year holds & brings. NOTHING!!! Personally, I always come into a new year with an expectant heart; and I know that one has to take concerted steps in the year to achieve those resolutions but don’t act like the New Year doesn’t inspire restarts. And restart I did.

Previously, I wasn’t on the best of terms with some of my extended family members, and about 2 weeks into my January fast, I just woke up one day, topped up my phone and rang them to apologise for the part I may have played in whatever problems we had. I rang my old boss from my former job too and we had a conversation that still makes me cry just thinking about it now. It was so liberating. Looking back now, it’s not to say that there weren’t things happening that legitimately warranted my anger but now I see how different certain things could have played out if my reactions at the time and in the moment had been a tad different. That single act of apologizing alone took so much weight off my shoulders, I forgave myself and it felt good.

I wish I could tell you a colorful story of how one day the clouds just parted and a white dove dropped from heaven on my shoulders and I heard a voice saying this is my beloved S in whom I am well pleased. But No! None of that!  I went through it daily, the motions ~ days of feeling like an underachiever, unloved, unappreciated, unheard, misunderstood, hurt, confused etc., not just about work and relationship woes but also from my family & friends. During this time, self-doubt and a broken spirit became very familiar. I felt every emotion. I felt every pain. I hurt in places I didn’t even know existed. It was overwhelming and intense and very painful…………….. AND THEN IT WAS’NT.

How so? I don’t know. I cannot tell you. I just know that after a while, I stopped needing help[wine] to sleep, I’d wake up and actually get out of bed and sometimes fake a smile; it just generally got easier. What’s funny is that I didn’t even realise I was unravelling until it went full cycle. This further made me realise that sometimes what you think you feel, however strong, is very different from reality. The chains you’re bounded by are sometimes wholly mental.

chained donkey
So what changed? Walahi me I don’t know. I just know that sometime last month, I said OMG in this moment right now, I’m so happy AND I MEANT IT and relief washed over me and I cried tears of joy because it had been a long time since I said that, let alone mean it.

Is everything perfect today? Absolutely not! But guess what changed? My attitude! And the best part? It’s showing! It’s obvious to other people. My sister randomly said to me last week when she visited – you’ve become so much nicer, it’s like this your exercising is making you a happy person. I just laughed and said nothing but the point wasn’t lost on me at all. Sure, exercising releases the happy juice – endorphins – but I knew it wasn’t just that. Something bigger had taken place. A shift.  I finally got my groove back and the universe is taking notice and equilibrium has been restored. 2015 definitely looks like the kick ass year and i’m here for it!
If you’re reading this and going through your own dark patch, I want you to know that you’ll pull through and you’ll be better for it. I promise you. But you can’t force/hurry the process.
Big hugs.

Cheers xx

S.


51 Comments