Life, musings

Swinging The Wrecking Ball

 Hi lovelies….

What a month I’ve had! I mean yea, it’s called the month of March but it didn’t have to be so literal did it? Even though i’m physically 100%; emotionally & mentally, i’m completely drained.

Last we talked, I did mention I was in the process of moving out of my old home so between figuring that out, securing a new space [while momentarily staring homelessness in the face], dealing with greedy/dubious agents & artisans and an unfortunate mishap requiring drawn out dealings with the police [long story], it’s been a real drain. I’m sitting here writing this, having just returned from the police station and thinking to myself how the difference between a good vs bad day in Nigeria can be attributed to something as simple and basic as Air Conditioning.

BUT… I’m still alive. And kicking it!

In the course of all these, it seems I’ve become somewhat of a recluse; ergo, plenty time to reflect – on past choices and on what’s important today – and I am happy to say that now more than ever, I’m assured that I chose right and I’m on the right path headed towards the big picture.

I also learnt recently that – No one person can be ALL things to you –  It is simply unfair and quite frankly unrealistic to think so. For several reasons, life happens! People will disappoint you [even when they don’t mean to] and it’s just human nature – all intrinsically flawed. Like a friend rightly opined – people mostly mean well but they all have their own personal stuff to deal with and it’s not easy attempting to juggle that coupled with those of friends & loved ones; so for e.g if at any point he’s being a great friend to me, he can almost bet that at that particular time, it just means he’s out there being a bad friend to another because ability, resources & time are finite. ALL FACTS.

However, there is a vast difference between those and the ones who CONSTANTLY let you down so casually without any feelings of guilt [especially when you would break your back trying not to let them down] and you must learn that difference. Something about – Making someone a priority when you’re only an option to them – 

Which leads me to this thing about expectations. Many a fancy quote exists about curbing one’s expectations to avoid disappointments… My! My! how straight-forward and easy it all sounds! However, in the actual application to life’s scenarios, how realistic is that? Every single relationship in life is built on the premise of expectations [whether explicit or implied] and the success or failure of said relationships depends heavily on how those expectations are catered to. For e.g, you expect for your parents to provide for you[till a certain age at least]; you expect for people to treat you with decency, courtesy & respect, a baby expects to be 100% tended to by it’s caregiver, you expect for a friend to help you abuse the life out the boy who broke your heart, you also expect they not go behind your back and do you dirty etc. When a baby’s nappy is full I doubt the parents will think twice about changing them because THERE IS A CODE. As adults, when your emotional sensitivity/vulnerability is pissed on by someone who should know better, it’s a full declaration of all things UN-NICE and at that point, all talks about curbing one’s expectations fly out the window. Fuck that! The only thing you can try to do is to not [knowingly] cause your friends & loved ones stress but where someone already sees you as a liability, you’ve already lost.

See, the thing about human interactions is, it’s a two-way street and you can’t talk about one in isolation of another. You must take the time to assess yourself in any scenario that stung and ensure that what you’re bringing to the table is valuable because, no value – we toss out. No questions! I don’t think people do this enough. So it’s imperative to repeat…..

NEVER OVERESTIMATE YOUR PLACE IN A PERSON’S LIFE.

***

Tomorrow, I resume police runs but for today…….

It’s fridaaaaaaaaaaaaay, let’s go have fun *splits*

PS: Got some great news today! Will share soonish

*cue happy dance*

Besos xx

S.


8 Comments

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8 Comments

  • Reply Dude... March 18, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    If you ask me, I think the secret to a pretty good friend is low expectations. It’s like a tambourine: not everyone can be trusted with it. Whatever it is you’re going through right now, I trust you’ll find a way. I can tell from how you write.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin March 18, 2016 at 8:58 pm

      Thank you dude xx

  • Reply Dude... March 18, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    If you ask me, I think the secret to a pretty good friendship is low expectations. It’s like a tambourine: not everyone can be trusted with it. Whatever it is you’re going through right now, I trust you’ll find a way. I can tell from how you write.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin March 18, 2016 at 8:58 pm

      Thank you 🙂

  • Reply Chiny March 18, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    As things fall in place you get to appreciate the period of learning and unlearning.

    Growing up is hard. Navigating friendships these days is like trying to walk a field with land mines.

    The circle gets smaller but one remains grateful for those who stick close.

    I totally loved your analysis on this post. Indeed, ” No one person can be all things to you” and vice versa . I learnt that in 2014/2015 and got some peace in my life

    I’m waiting to read about the ” great news”?

    I wish you the best S.

    Side bar- Have you watched Ann Hathaway ‘s performance d wrecking ball on Lip sync battle? Check it out on YouTube if you haven’t

    Bless!!

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin March 19, 2016 at 12:21 am

      Thank you so much Hun.
      I always appreciate when I manage to articulate my thought process [albeit haphazardly] and someone gets it.
      Lip sync battle is such great entertainment, I’ll look it up right away.
      Wait on that “great news”, it’s coming and it’s goooooooood 😀

  • Reply Tertindi Tor-Agbidye March 22, 2016 at 8:08 pm

    Great read. Entertaining and troubling. Sorry about all the troubles. No doubt they’ve made you stronger and wiser. Everything you’ve put down here is truth. Cold and hard but truth all the same. Stay strong.
    Did the good news ever come? Huh? Still waiting.
    Have a great evening.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin March 23, 2016 at 12:10 am

      Thank you so much. I’m worried that maybe I sounded more melancholy in this post than intended lol. No alarm necessary, I am doing very well 🙂
      Appreciate the concern & best wishes … Thank you
      The good news came, plus more… Just wait! I’ll share when it’s full circle 🙂

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