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What Makes You Loveable??

WHAT MAKES YOU LOVEABLE?

I read an article on Bellanaija yesterday that posed the above question and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. As expected, the ensuing comments ranged from the hilarious to the downright confusing but I found it all very interesting. As I went about my day, the question kept ringing in my head and it just wouldn’t go away, I thought about it so much that it got me a bit irritated with myself. Why? It worried me that I couldn’t answer the question immediately; that I couldn’t count on my fingers the reasons why I think I am loveable; that I had to think about it first. Did that mean that maybe I am un-loveable? Shock Horror!

It was particularly disturbing because while I had to think about it seriously before I could come up with reasons, I’m pretty sure if the tables were turned and I was being asked what I thought made me UNLOVEABLE, I would have answered very easily. Isn’t that a little sad? It basically means that I know and I’m more in touch with my flaws better than I am with my sweet spots, No? That without much thought I can recite my flaws/unloveable traits but I have to think before naming my loveable traits. Quite worrisome! And I am not alone, judging from the comments on the original article.

In general, I think most people [myself included] tend to be very critical of themselves viz-a-viz their actions/choices and less kind about this criticism. This is possibly why when you’re asked what makes you loveable, you’d mull over it first but if you’re asked the opposite, you’d answer without missing a beat. It doesn’t help that people would sooner pick others apart and chastise than be loving & kind; people will tell you everything that is wrong with you before acknowledging what’s right.

People tell you so many times [not necessarily in words] why they think you’re un-loveable. They tell you by how they talk to/with you, the words they use when talking about you, in the way they treat you etc. And because you are human, you internalize it all to the dangerous point, but, on the flip side, you also have people who tell you and show you in so many ways that they truly love you but for some reason we tend not to internalize and hold on to those as much as we would the bad. Why? Glutton for punishment? Think about it; for every – ignored text/cancelled plans/harsh words, there are also the – hey/have you eaten/are you okay etc but for some reason, we tend to allow the former dominate our thoughts and we amplify it to the point where it seems like there aren’t enough of the latter happening. Someone needs a mindset renewal.

I love you doesn’t always come out in those exact words. Did you hear any of the above today? 

I know you’re probably thinking – but I just love ABC for no reason. Nigerians even say things like “I don’t know but our blood just jam, my spirit and her/him spirit just jam” LOL. But I think there’s definitely more and you’re being naïve if you think people who love you just do. Beyond the physical, I think love is tied to the purpose you serve in a person’s life; that unique quality/element that you bring that nobody else has/can bring [even in a family relationship/dynamic]. And so based off that, doesn’t it follow to ask yourself – what will happen when you no longer can serve that purpose or bring that element? Will they still be there? Is that truly love? Is love even love? Perhaps there should be synonyms used in the stead?

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I’m rambling! But I know something for sure – that I love different people for different reasons, so it can’t be farfetched to think it’s the same way for other people in terms of them loving me – my sister loves me for reasons completely different from the love of say a friend.

So what makes me loveable? I think my answer is better categorized thus:

  • My Mother – Because I’m her child, her first born, her first fruit. I also think I’ve been a good daughter to her – dependable, responsible, hardworking and a good example to my siblings. I am big on family and it reflects in my daily decisions; I’d break my back for my family to be okay and I’d do it with a smile on my face. My mother says about me – “I never have to worry about you, I know you can survive anything/anywhere and you’ll take care of everything” and it makes me soar. Even though she and I butt-heads a lot, I know she secretly admires my strong will, my convictions and never-say-die attitude. She thinks the world of me and believes that I know everything and because of that, I make sure I never fall short.
  • My Siblings – Because I make shit happen. Even when I didn’t live in Nigeria, I still was on speed dial and I always came through. I anticipate their needs before the topic even comes up and they can sleep easy knowing Beezy got it! I am dependable. I make EVERY decision in my life with them in consideration and have been known to fight with my parents on their behalves. Don’t get me wrong, I can be a major pain in their asses and we fight but they apologise quick because none of them can go a day without needing me for something #FactsOnly LOL. But beyond these, I think my siblings have a lot of respect for me as a person, I try to set a good example and try not to be hypocritical/holy holy about real issues. It’s nerve-racking the amount of pressure I usually am under with them but I do my best and their appreciation makes it all worthwhile.
  • My Babies – Aunty Beezy, the fountain of Icecream, popcorn, indomie, Disney till late, trips and a generally fun time. This love is very cheap. LOL
  • My Friends – Because… Confidant, real talk, endless phone calls & instant messages, bitching sessions, fuck that nigga sessions, united in our love for ratchet shows, stay up all night and listen to each other’s fears/frustrations/problems/joys/dreams, makeup/fashion tips etc. I also tell my friends the truth as I see it, I don’t sugarcoat it [not because I want to hurt them but I tell my truth how I tell it and they’ve all come to appreciate that about me]; they’ll never have to worry about me telling their business. I am fiercely loyal, honest, protective, reliable and an all-round asset. You want me in your corner, trust me. I have been blessed with amazing friends.
  • Men – [There really isn’t any other way of writing this without it sounding like a #BrilliantAd but toh]. I am a beautiful girl no doubt but I’d like to think the men in my life all stayed longer for reasons beyond just my looks. I’m book & street smart, educated, cultured, know my different forks, can hold my own, fun/versatile, intelligent, can carry a conversation about pretty much anything, have a mind of my own, a fantastic cook etc. I’m a giver, I’m not a cheater, I’m not dodgy, I’m straightforward and pride myself for my integrity. In addition, as much as I can be civil & friendly, I am also VERY MUCH a pain in the ass [to keep things interesting], a mini witch if you will. LOL. I kid! [not]. Me in love will cater to my man, bend over backwards to keep him happy, always looking for what I can do to make his life easier. I’m still friendly with all my Exes [except for one] because long after the fluff is gone, I’m still someone they can be real with. I’m a baddie okay! I say so! Who am I kidding? They love me because….Huge Hansel & Gretel and I laugh at their dry jokes 😀

Looking at the above reasons and categorizations, I noticed that the reoccurring theme for me is – dependability, reliability, integrity and generosity [with everything] – My word truly is my batter and interestingly enough, these are the exact traits I look out for in others and the reason I love the people I love; I just don’t do well with flaky/dodgy/shady/unreliable people. Super Important!

I have to say though, judging by how long it took me to think these through and my inability to readily answer the question [plus based on the comments on the original article], it’s fair to conclude that – What Makes You Loveable – is a tough question to answer; if you’re being completely honest.

So let me ask you guys – if you know me [and love me], why don’t you tell me what made me loveable to you?       Also, what do you think Makes YOU Loveable?

Quick Pointer: No it’s NOT JUST your beauty/handsome, nor your money and certainly not just your fancy. Think about it terms of what distinguishes you from the next person [in your loved ones life]; the intangible but unarguably irreplaceable stuff that only you can bring.

YOU ARE LOVED.

NB: Aren’t #MidnightKaraoke Sessions the best? Enjoy! Fancy myself a Mariah Carey haha

 


27 Comments

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27 Comments

  • Reply jemmyma August 13, 2015 at 10:06 am

    can i repost this?

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 13, 2015 at 10:44 am

      You can share the link 😀

      • Reply jemmyma August 13, 2015 at 10:57 am

        i already have.. i might hv a few twitches i want to add to it. please say its ok 😀

        • GorgeousBskin
          Reply GorgeousBskin August 13, 2015 at 11:02 am

          You could write yours and just reference me via a link, quote or paraphrase. I’m not very comfortable with anything else – especially any adds/changes. Sorry :)

  • Reply IG August 13, 2015 at 11:24 am

    This is indeed a lovely post. while i was reading it, i quickly made a mental check if i could readily give an answer to what makes me lovable. The answer did not come that quick but if i were to use your parameters in answering what makes me lovable certain traits would be tangible ; Compassionate, Generous( to a fault that people take advantage of it), dependable and always reliable. I’m that guy you’d wake at 2am to help you with something. I think one should just make a conscious effort to be in tune with the lovable aspect of oneself.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 13, 2015 at 11:36 am

      Thank you so much IG. I appreciate first time commenters so much [its easier to read and nod].
      I completely agree about making a conscious effort to be in tune with the loveable aspect of oneself; One should be able to reel out the good pointers as quick as we tend to do with the flaws.
      It’s human nature to take advantage of people’s generosity & kindness but don’t let that change you. You sound like a great guy & Compassion is sexy! Don’t ever stop! Cheers xx

  • Reply Adedeji August 13, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    I had to stop what I was doing at work to read this, and this write-up is worth every minute I spent reading it lol.
    Only problem I have now is, I keep pausing every 10 minutes to try and figure out what makes me loveable – and failing every single time. Even when I seem to find an answer, i find myself saying “I GUESS I am …”. Why am I guessing? Why don’t I “KNOW I am…”? Maybe one is modest enough not to toot one’s own horn; maybe it’s because one lives one’s life in service to others (family, friends, colleagues) and as such it is best to let others tell you what they find loveable about you. Yo no se.

    Anyway, well done again for this one. **And wait, you know your forks??? Salute.lol**

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 13, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      Adedeji,
      How I love this comment!
      It captures exactly what I meant – guessing but not knowing for a fact, the turmoil. Phew!
      And While I agree that it’s great for people to tell you what’s amazing about you, it’s even more important that you know for yourself. FOR SURE! It’s not so much about tooting one’s horn & modesty, it’s about self awareness.
      Take as long as you need to come up with a list and remind yourself daily till it sinks & it’s settled for sure.
      And yea… I do know my forks! Quit playing ha ha ??

  • Reply Gidi Mallam August 13, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    your hentai lips and your eyes. You forgot to add those. But yeah, everything you said under the “Friends” category is true (I’m your friend, accept it like that).

    As for why I’m lovable? I’ve been told I bring joy, laughter and a great spirit of cheerfulness into people’s lives. My loyalty and willingness to help everybody if it’s within my abilities or that of people I know. My sincerity and care for the people I love. And finally my dashing good lo…sorry, my dancing. (Bants) ???

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 13, 2015 at 5:24 pm

      Ha ha Mallam,
      I thought I covered the specifics under the beauty umbrella ??
      And yes, You truly do bring laughter & cheerfulness and all that good stuff. You’re a joy to have around for sure and I’m glad you’ve taken dancing seriously to distract us from the hairline ???
      You’re lovely my friend . Hugs xx

  • Reply Amazing August 13, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    This rings so true… My boo left me in January and he is expecting a baby with someone now..i have never felt more unlovable in my entire life..Felt useless..I was no good. I was not enough..funny enough I’m the one my friends run to for the pep talk when shit hits the fan but somehow I couldn’t see past my pain..after that my sister fell ill,i slept in the hospital wit her, held her hand all through and after her operation she looked at me and said I love you..strike number one..The other day something I had been praying for pulled through and on jisting my sister(another one) she was so happy for me listing all my loving attributes and I deserved it..later that night I thought about it..I am kind, I sacrifice everything for my loved ones,im loyal to my friends, I can borrow for Africa infact I can’t remember how many bad debts I have forgiven..Most of all i have a good heart..i may have forgotten for a while but dammit im loveable…

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 13, 2015 at 9:59 pm

      Oh my! Amazing… You are indeed!
      I want to give you a big hug and a stiff drink because I don’t need to tell you anything else. You’ve said it all – you are loveable indeed!
      The traits you’ve mentioned…. Loveable! I wish you the best with this renewed realisation and anytime it feels like you’re forgetting again, come back and read this or hola on my Twitter @GBTheBlog and I’ll make sure you don’t forget. Bless you chica xx

  • Reply Nedoux August 14, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    Hello Seember,

    Your posts always keep besting the previous. This is my favourite so far! What makes me loveable? In my head, I added “Me” to your list of categorized answers.

    Me: My self-love started when I realised that seeking validation from others was not necessary.

    I love how when I make an extra effort to upgrade myself, appearance-wise, character-wise and skills-wise, I am sensitive enough to notice an improvement and give myself a pat on the back. I love how I dance shamelessly in my car, regardless of who is watching, when there’s a “correct” song playing on the radio. I really love my loud hearty no-holds-barred laughter.

    I love how I enjoy paying people compliments, their smiles really warm my heart. I love how I genuinely empathize with people. I love my DIY skills, heck! if I can do it myself, I’m not paying anyone to do it for me. I love my sense of self-sufficiency. I love how I appreciate the little things…

    Gosh! I really am loveable :-) XD

  • Reply Nedoux August 14, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    Hello Seember,

    Your posts always keep besting the previous. This is my favourite so far! What makes me loveable? In my head, I added “Me” to your list of categorized answers.

    Me: My self-love started when I realised that seeking validation from others was not necessary.

    I love how when I make an extra effort to upgrade myself, appearance-wise, character-wise and skills-wise, I am sensitive enough to notice an improvement and give myself a pat on the back. I love how I dance shamelessly in my car, regardless of who is watching, when there’s a “correct” song playing on the radio. I really love my loud hearty no-holds-barred laughter.

    I love how I enjoy paying people compliments, their smiles really warm my heart. I love how I genuinely empathize with people. I love my DIY skills, heck! if I can do it myself, I’m not paying anyone to do it for me. I love my sense of self-sufficiency. I love how I appreciate the little things…

    Gosh! I really am loveable :-) 😀

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 14, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      …… We have a winner!
      I loooooooooooooove this comment.
      You know, I didn’t think about it this way because I was thinking from my loved ones perspective but you are so right! It truly starts with oneself and methinks you have it covered. There’s just a certain way you’d carry yourself that will make it hard for anybody else to not fall in line.
      On that note, I’d say Your personality shines through even from your comments on here & I love that about you.
      Thank you for always taking the time to read my posts & always leaving me your lovely comments, I appreciate that immensely.
      Don’t ever stop with the self love! It’s a winner! Cheers baby girl xx

      • Reply Nedoux August 14, 2015 at 11:47 pm

        Whoop whoop!!! Thank you so much for the inspiration 😀

        Have a super weekend.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 14, 2015 at 8:01 pm

      Really wish I could go back and edit the post to add – what makes Me loveable to myself – but I hate editing after I’ve published.
      Another day maybe, it can be a stand alone post sef.
      But I really love this point you made. Love it!

      • Reply Nedoux August 14, 2015 at 11:49 pm

        I think you should consider editing and adding that angle to this post.

        It’s always interesting to see what makes other people loveable to themselves.

        • GorgeousBskin
          Reply GorgeousBskin August 14, 2015 at 11:58 pm

          I’ll think about it 😀

  • Reply Self Romance | Nedoux August 14, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    […] thoughts on Seember’s “What makes you loveable?” inspired this […]

  • Reply Zainab August 21, 2015 at 11:42 am

    I think in the past few months i have seen or felt love my way. I know i have loved and love, hold close and dear quite a few people. Maybe, i have opened up myself, my heart more. Maybe, it’s always been shown to me but i just never saw it, because when you don’t see yourself a certain way, it’s hard to recognize when others show you (good or bad).

    A friend, always calls me, My Zee. it hit me how much that made me feel loved. And just yesterday, i helped out her sister with some stuff, without thinking about it, i love her , i love her family. that simple. Last night, message from her was “Thanks my Zee. You’re so precious to us”. Such a simple statement, such a powerful statement. Me being the emotional mess i am, of course i teared up.

    I guess i’m trying to say that I am learning to accept love. Because, My God, it’s a beautiful thing, a beautiful feeling. I still don’t know if I am lovable but I damn sure am precious to one, at least.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 21, 2015 at 11:54 am

      You are loveable Zee! And I don’t say that in a motivational speaker type hype/voice, it’s the simple truth.
      Being open to receiving is just as important because it’s hones our mindset & focus and I’m glad you pointed that out. We truly see what we want to see and take from experiences based on our perspectives so I’m glad you’re more receptive now.
      Cry baby Zee, my coffee addicted sophistiratchet hitta! You are loved! I for one can count on my fingers FIVE people who love you and that’s just a scratch
      Besos xx

  • Reply DDO August 25, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    how did I miss this…Knowing your forks is a very important matter o!! This is what I truly love about your blog and you…it makes us use our number 9!..I need to go and think about what makes me loveable…

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin August 25, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      In your words – Brain HIIT. Lol
      You were busy , but it’s okay :)
      Better late than never.
      I know why I love you, but I want to hear from you why you think we do so come back and share when you’re done thinking it through 😀

  • Reply HoneyDame September 7, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    I want you to know that no post of yours goes unread by me, eventually. And even though I may not leave comments as often as I should, I see your posts and register them. This was no doubt an amazingly thought-provoking one. As you already know, I did a response post and encouraged all my readers to do same and link back here. I really like Nedoux’s comment! I don’t know how that skipped me. The comment was probably made after the first time I had read it.

    You can read my version here: http://honeydame1.blogspot.com.ng/2015/09/what-makes-honeydame-lovable.html

    And you, DON’T EVER STOP WRITING!!!!

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin September 7, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      Honey…. Honey…. [I sing that in my head every time I see your handle] ??
      I read yours yesterday and made a few comments about it to you on Twitter, maybe you missed it. I was saying how much I enjoyed reading yours and I especially love that you added the “one off contacts” category because I think that those one-offs are a real indication of one’s aura. I also love how detailed your explanations were, lovely read.
      Thank you so much for always reading my posts & for the vote of confidence, it means a lot.
      And yes! I WILL NEVER STOP WRITING ??
      Also, Nedoux is definitely in contention for my favourite commenter, she’s so lovely & thoughtful. As you are.
      Cheers my dears xx

  • Reply Hello….. It’s me – Gorgeous Brown Skin November 2, 2015 at 10:00 am

    […] me into a shadow of myself and making me thoroughly stressed [I shared a bit about that pressure here]. Slowly at first, then it got to the point where the choice was simple & clear – fix up […]

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