Dating, musings, Opinion, Randomness, rant, thoughts

Dating sucks!

I hate the dating game/process. Hate!

Boy meets girl or vice versa – they vibe – they start talking – set up dates – keep other options open – not working? Bye! Working? Still keep options open sha. WTF yo?!!!! Its stressful. When you talk about dating and the stress that comes with it, people give you advice like – “Don’t over-think things”, “don’t take things so personally” “Just go with the flow” etc and my response is usually “HOW?”. Is there a switch I can just turn off and on? How do you not take it personal when someone you’ve been trading hilarity and enjoying bants with just goes cold turkey on you and you’re stuck with conversations/texts/whatsapp messages etc that just leave you questioning your comprehension skills? That someone by words or action is essentially saying to you “you just don’t do it for me[anymore]”? Especially when you really want to “do it” for them?  Am I a zombie abi a robot? Are we even allowed to admit that rejection whether implied or explicit hurts our feelings/ego? Does it make us less cool? Shebi we supposed to be all stoic and robotic and always on the “Bad bitch/nigga” P… sigh. SKRESS!!

Putting oneself out there is quite tough and it’s just not something that comes easily to me, even though I understand that it’s the only way to get to know someone…. it doesn’t make it suck less. And I understand that this is how it works, same as the process of decision making with most things in life – job, buying property/car, business etc. you have to weigh the pros & cons and see how it adds value and benefits you..yada yada yada. But how can we apply the same principle for stuff such as getting a job or running a business with matters of the heart? When a business deal falls through, does it feel like your heart is shattered in a million little pieces and you can’t breath? It does? Okay maybe that’s a bad analogy but fucking hell…. A job/business is not a human being. It doesn’t have feelings, no heartbeat,no pulse. Its just not at par. I think that approaching dating/relationships as we would with business investments is already setting oneself up for failure.

I’ve had friends say to me “I love dating”, “I enjoy dating” and I look at them like they’re speaking Spanish but overtime, I’ve realized that what they actually mean is “I love going on dates – the dinner/food/drinks” [there’s a difference]. I realize that they probably have no intent from the jump of getting to know that person truly; it was just “I’m bored, he’s available, I get to dress up” and this to me is the fundamental difference. I have never gone on a date just for the hell of it. I agree to go fully hoping I meet a nice guy with whom I make a genuine connection and this is why i’m usually disappointed when its just bleh. At that point i’m thinking – “I dressed up for this shit?”, not “at least the food was nice”. I mean, I can eat in my own damn house in my jalabia with no makeup on. It’s a waste of my time honestly and I find it quite upsetting. Dating [to me] is not a sport, it’s not something I do when i’m bored to while away time. It’s “I want to get to know this person”; too bad if it doesn’t pan out well but I just don’t come at it from the jump with the intention to just play as is the case nowadays. Waste of my time.

I like to think I’m a complete representation of myself on any platform – virtual or real life – but it seems most people aren’t a lot of the time and maybe this is the issue! Its like you’re meeting a different representative of themselves per different scenarios and its really mind boggling to me how people keep these many personas up. If you connect with me via an instant messaging platform or virtually, and we eventually make it to an actual physical date, rest assured you will be meeting the exact girl you’ve been chatting with, only prettier 😉 [this is not an ad]; but you can’t say the same for most people and maybe this is where the disconnect happens. Lord knows I can’t pretend to save my life, but maybe I need to learn it? Perhaps this is what people expect? That you stick to the script they have of you in their heads? Because right now, if you upset me, i’ll let you have it and if I’m happy, you’ll know, I can’t pretend to save my life. So I tend to assume people are 100 with me too until something happens and I’m like – wait! What? Warrapun? – sigh.

Its a cold out there guys. Maybe we need to do like our fore-fathers did it back in their time, weed out the feferity and approach this thing old school style. I personally don’t think its the worst idea to have a guy reach out to me and go “my mother knows your mother and she says you’ll make a great wife”. Ha ha. What you say?

Are you single in the city? Are you dating? What irks you? How do you swing it? Any pro-tip?

Share below.

Have a great week ahead guys.

S.


22 Comments

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22 Comments

  • Reply s_fierce April 13, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    Sigh!! You just wrote the thoughts in my head. How are you supposed to be cool and not care when someone you are ‘feeling ‘ and who you imagine is feeling you goes cold turkey on you? Seeing as I rarely meet people that I really like as people are constantly different and not the same on social media and in real life, I forsee being alone for the next couple of months. It’s difficult enough meeting people in abuja already, then add people’s weirdness and dating is just a pain. I love when you say you can eat in your house cos I was starting to think I was weird. Putting on a bra is one of the toughest tasks of the day and then imagine dressing up and the reason why you got dressed doesn’t materialise *sigh* shoot me already. Please anyone with tips should enlighten us

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 13, 2015 at 3:19 pm

      I feel you on every sentence in this comment. Waiting for those tips myself

  • Reply musingsofagidimallam April 13, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    See yeah!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU S!!!!

    This is so me right now. It’s SKRESSS!!! And I absolutely hate it. Sadly, seeing as I’m in the same quandary myself, I don’t have any tips for you.

    Anyways, the most important thing I got from this post is that ya available. I will inbox you my resume for ya perusal. Tenz.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 13, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      Lmaoooo Femi. Yes please, I’d like to see your resume, kindly forward. Tainz

      • Reply musingsofagidimallam April 13, 2015 at 4:31 pm

        Aha! I will see you in camera *does the Birdman hand rub*

        • GorgeousBskin
          Reply GorgeousBskin April 13, 2015 at 4:34 pm

          Lol

          • olatoxic April 14, 2015 at 4:02 pm

            See these people o….

  • Reply Shuuun April 13, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    Men are from Mars, women are from Benus

    This statement has never been more apt than in the dating game. Like you, most women go on dates hoping to meet a quality gentleman and maybe start a meaningful relationship. (Unlike you, most can say “at least the food was nice” if it doesn’t work out

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 13, 2015 at 4:09 pm

      “Benus”? lol Shuuun… Is this like Benue-Venus or wah? Ha ha.
      And you’re right, our differences are quite obvious in this case

  • Reply Cherie April 13, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    At some point it gets boring like, no need. If I’m going to keep meeting and “unmeeting”… Abeg Abeg. Too much skress.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 13, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      Exactly!

  • Reply Shuuun April 13, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    Is that all of my post that appeared? I wrote quite an epistle……

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 13, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      Oh oh. That’s all I saw. Someone else complained about losing their comment too, lemme get it checked.
      Pls rewrite/retry? Thanks :*

  • Reply Tino April 13, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    “my mother knows your mother and she says you’ll make a great wife” Ha ha. Oldschool seems to work actually. Limiting contact initially may help. bbm, whatsapp, and all the constant communication that modern media offers doesn’t allow for an organic growth of feelings. Let the chaser chase normally like old times and give ‘true’ feelings a chance to form.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 13, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Words on marble! I actually really appreciate this comment and I totally agree with it. Thank you Tino

  • Reply Avese April 14, 2015 at 10:43 pm

    Dating truly does suck. Right now i am at that “my mother knows your and mother she says you’ll make a good wife ” point. I’m tired! P.S Nice read. Love the randomness of this blog. I can actually relate to most of the post.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 14, 2015 at 11:01 pm

      Thank you Avese. Appreciate you reading & leaving me a comment. Come back often and don’t forget to subscribe 🙂

  • Reply Dom April 15, 2015 at 7:41 am

    Lol. I shouldn’t comment on this seeing as I’m married but I can only give a few pointers from my experience.
    I had a crush I hung out with a lot but he didn’t send me as much as I sent him. On his birthday, I made him a mini-hamper. On mine (a month later), he forgot to even call me. That was the end of the crush. The one thing that absolutely turns me off is a “red light” and that was a red light. Like, I can endure if you don’t reply my messages immediately but that?! Na.
    Six months later, I had a crush on someone else. We had a connection, it would have blossomed into something more. But he was one of those guys who let friendships evolve into relationships without formally declaring intentions. I was frustrated, slightly. And then a wise male friend told me, “Why are you fretting? Guys have fun dating, show no pressure and so they never seem desperate. That’s part of their appeal. You should do the same.” That day I made the decision to have fun dating, and just expand my social networks.
    And that was why I agreed to go on a date with the guy who would eventually become my husband. I mean, I had a huge crush on someone else. The date seemed like a waste of time. But hey, look at us now.
    So my advice is: have fun. Date and enjoy it, and look to get more out of the date than just a relationship. Friendship is always a good thing. You might even make business contacts!

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 15, 2015 at 9:56 am

      Thank you Dom! This is great advice. In general, coming to a situation with hard & fast expectations never works, a little shake here & there works best and that’s why this your works. But you will admit that it’s just not in a girl’s DNA to “chill” ha ha. However, if you can do it, so can I. I’ll try this Dom. Thank you
      And I appreciate you taking time out to leave me such a long & detailed comment, they’re my favorite. Have a great day xx

  • Reply Iengem April 29, 2015 at 11:36 am

    I like to do this thing where I spend one day catching up on all the posts. I dreaded dating when I was a singleton. For one I’m such a hopeless romantic that I always wear my heart on my sleeves and in my eyes. My first boyfriend was from a playful blind date that turned into this huge catching feelings thing. What I would say though is this. The old fashioned way still works. Let him chase the heck out of you. I’m all for letting someone know how you feel about them yes. But I also rather they feel enough about me to drop every side thing and invest in wooing me. That ultimately made me choose who I’m married to now.
    We are blessed with women’s intuition and you just know when someone has turned all their attention faucets on you. They almost become desperate for you. Speaking from experience here. My husband and I dated before he moved cities. Yet it didn’t feel that way. Every damn weekend he showed up straight from the airport to mine. He was in another city but I had no breathing space. Lol. Don’t let anyone feel too busy for you. It’s impossible not to make time for who you love.
    OK let me end my epistle here.

    • GorgeousBskin
      Reply GorgeousBskin April 29, 2015 at 12:11 pm

      “Don’t let anyone feel too busy for you” <---- words on marble right there! Definitely my litmus test. I appreciate comments like this one - long, detailed, engaging and wee thought out - tells me there's a connect. Thank you Iengem, appreciate you reading & commenting. Cheers xx

  • Reply ….Part of the list – Gorgeous Brown Skin April 17, 2017 at 9:37 am

    […] I intend to go on more because I made this year my year of “recreational dating” even though I’ve protested it in the past so I thought that perhaps it’s time to save myself and all my prospectives’ time and roll out […]

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