*swats dust* *coughs*
Oh hello everyone…
I know, I know. Forgive me! Love me again!
I have no excuses to be honest, I just kinda lost the blogging mojo and try my hardest, I couldn’t shake it off, so I was stuck with many drafts that just simply never made it to light. That happens sometimes, I’m sorry.
Hope you’re all doing well?
I am. I’ve had a wonderful year [comparatively to the last 3/4 years] and I’ve found myself feeling hopeful again that my life as I knew it isn’t over. Isn’t that wonderful?
So let’s catch up…. A lot happened this year. A LOT!
I started a new job. Yes.
I’ve been quite open even on here about my frustrations with job hunting and so when this year started by dropping this opportunity in my lap, I knew I was about to have a different type of year and it’s been great. Because I’m such an independent person, a huge part of my sense of self, esteem and self respect is tied to my ability to take care of myself and my loved ones and so not having a job for a long time impacted on my ability to assert that part of who I am and it affected my self esteem a lot. I hated needing help, the dependency and sometimes blatant disrespect that comes with it so much that every time I had to ask for help, it made me feel even smaller. This new job helped change that for me; it also opened so many doors to so many new experiences, travel, growth opportunities both professionally and personally, helped me make new friends and afforded me a whole new sense of self, esteem, respect and pride. There’s NOTHING quite like this feeling and it can only get better. I am so thankful for it that even if this is my only testimony for the year, I’ll be okay.
But it’s not! Because God is such a show off…. I love it!
I have a nephew!
See I’m not new to this aunty business, I have nieces but this is my first time at the nephew rodeo and it’s a whole different kind of feeling I tell you. No, this isn’t some battle of the sexes tirade; what I’m saying is, the experience is new to me as I’ve done nieces 4 times over. Baby Suur is the most precious, chunky, happy little human you’ll ever meet. Seriously, he’s such a happy baby, only cries when you’re wasting time with his food [he obviously doesn’t play with his food because he’s my blood ha]. And his hair…omg! Another thing he has in common with me is that he loooooooooooooooves his reflection chei! I make videos of him all the time and when I play them back to him, he gets super quiet watching them with such intensity like woah… boy we know you’re cute, relax.
He’s truly our precious gift and I always look at him and wonder how my dad would have been with him if he were still here with us. He has also unlocked my baby fever at an all-time high and now i’m thinking that perhaps… this time next year ehn..…just watch this space.
My baby girl Iveren is still a firecracker…. She makes my life [and my snapchat feed] so colorful and rich.
Such a spice! She’s spending the holidays with grandma and I miss her so much, it hurts.
Speaking of baby fever…. I think I’ve found his/her daddy too 😀
Yes. Your girl’s got love in my life and it’s such a wonderful feeling. This is the first time in my entire life I’ve felt this way and I’m not saying this about the love, I’ve loved before. I mean it’s the first time I’ve actively thought – “I could totally marry this guy even though I hate his guts and I want to murder him sometimes”. I mean, I count all the things I can’t stand about him and our relationship but then I think to myself “I still love him though” like woah! I’m whipped! I’m also not afraid to be vulnerable because regardless of how this plays out, he’s a kind/decent person and he will never be intentionally mean/wicked to me and that’s saying a lot.
In the past, I’ve dealt with men that were so cruel with me that I told myself that going forward, it’s – kindness/compassion before anything – and we’ve passed the test. I love this man, I want to marry him, I want to have his babies… and yes, I totally just typed all this here. It’s official.
Remember when I cut my hair last year? Well it’s been over a year already can you believe?! In that time, I’ve worn it natural low, sporty, curly, coloured, texturized.. you name it! Anyways, many months later and all the experiments passed, I’ve grown bored/tired and have promptly gone back to my trusty braids.
I don’t think I’ll ever actually actively grow out my hair like full again; the cut life is here to stay, so going forward; it’ll be me swapping between cuts/weaves/braids as my mood fits. But this Anita Baker/Toni Braxton inspired cut is definitely the winner and will become the go-to staple for when I cut it again.
The best self-care thing I did for myself this year was to develop and stick to an actual proper skincare regimen. I’ve always had some type of regimen going on especially when my acne flares were at an all-time high, but nothing quite like what I developed this year and I can honestly say I don’t know when last I had skin so supple smooth and flawless from head to toe. If you follow me on snapchat then you already see me do this every day, the whole works.
I feel like once you’ve hit the big 30, you just can’t get away with doing the bare minimum anymore with your skin; you just cant. I took mine seriously this year and it shows. My current regimen is made up of a lot from The Ordinary, the Tea-tree range from The Bodyshop and a Clarisonic [thank you Achike]
I have shared extensively about these already on snapchat but I will take the time to do a post and share on here. People, if there is one thing you gift yourself this year and going forward, let it be a skincare regimen. You’ll be glad you did.
So basically, this year…. I have a job, my family is growing, I have love in my life, my hair is on fleek, my skin is popping and i’m happy! I win.. let’s go home. Bloop!
On a more sober note though, this year also had its fair share of sad moments and heartbreaks. I had a major health scare and had to take time off work to get the help I needed and to take care of myself. I’m okay now, thank God. Just praying that this is the last time I ever have that experience, it was a very scary experience. Not fun.
Then….. Justin died.
My Rookiee bum bum! My daddy! My English professor!
This is hands down the most painful thing I experienced this year. Justin and his lawyer hat helped go through my contract for my new job and took me out to dinner to celebrate. I cannot even begin to explain who he was to me and what we shared, words won’t be enough. I cried, and cried and cried. I still cry randomly even now when he crosses my mind and that happens quite often. Like a few weeks ago, at work I was cleaning out my desk and found his business card and I had to take a moment.
You broke all our hearts Justin; I can only hope that you know how much you meant to us and how much we love you. We will never forget you.
I did learn some new lessons this year and also renewed old lessons:
1. There’s nothing I did, i’m doing or will ever do to earn anything I have, it’s all God. Never my intellect, never my sabi sabi, never my nothing… all God. There’s also nothing i’ve done, i’m doing or will ever do that’ll change what God has in store for me.
2. Things will always sort themselves out, eventually. This is related to the first lesson because many times, I have plotted, and thought, and arranged, and organized, and planned meticulously and still failed. All that planning and plotting can make us feel like our successes and wins were our doing, but they’re not. Sure, there’s a place for preparedness but the God factor is the most important factor. Knowing this also helps me take a step back to analyse all my past fails/wins, to see how easily I had nothing to do with it and to stop turning to God only after I’ve gone out on my own and failed. God doesn’t want to be my last resort, he wants to be my day one!
3. Never stop seeking self-improvement. Commitment to one’s self is a life long journey and there are no breaks. With timehop apps on social media these days, it’s so easy to see how different we reason/think and the difference only a few months/years can bring to our opinions and mindsets. Problematic mindsets and all that come with it need to go and the process of un-learning and re-learning is one you must never get tired of; and its something to be proud of.
4. However, they say – “to sabi yourself no be curse” – which means, in our quest to be better, know better and do better, we must never lose ourselves. You are who you are and there’s nothing to apologise for. Not saying hold on to negative aspects about yourself under the guise of “this is who I am” but it’s a fine line between that and looking yourself in the mirror one day and not recognizing the person who’s reflection is staring back you.
5. 2017 stripped me of all sense of entitlement. I am solely responsible for myself and no one owes me anything! I set myself up all the time imagining all the different ways people are “supposed” to treat me or relate to me and of course I get disappointed when it doesn’t play out that way. This is the lesson that life is determined to teach me seeing as I’ve repeatedly faced it every turn every year and I’m still grappling with. Is this the year I finally learn it for good for real? We’ll see.
Let’s take a moment to talk about the wave of feminism/women rights issues viz-a-viz the stories of harassment and abuse that are awash the globe right now. It’s timely, it’s important, it’s necessary and there’s simply no place for silence or complacency on this matter anymore. We owe it to ourselves to fix the rot that has allowed and perpetrated the abuse of women in all spaces of society – work, home, family etc.
These conversations are necessary, no matter how inconvenient and uncomfortable they may be. I personally have taken up the coveted title of “angry/feisty/disrespectful” woman in my circles and I wear that badge proudly.
I am here to tell y’all that women will not be taking any shit anymore, NO SIR!
I think that the place to start so as to arrest the next generation’s foolery is to focus on raising good wholesome boy children who will grow up to become tomorrow’s men as much as we currently focus on the girl child. Institutionalized mindsets about what girls can/can’t do vs what boys can/can’t do NEED TO GO! Commit to raising responsible boys, decent boys, boys who respect women, who cook & clean, who are allowed to cry and experience a full range of different emotions etc. Do away with those toxic notions from the past that births entitled, crude, invalid boy-men… let’s start there.
Obviously it’s a lot more to it but I think this is a good place to start
Overall, I’ve had a very eventful year and I thank God for all the joys, the pain, the tears, the lessons and all the happiness. I look forward to an even more amazing 2018 and I pray same for you all. As far as resolutions go, I have zero resolutions for the New Year. The motto for 2018 is – “NA SO WE SEE AM”.
Enough with the roundabout motions that lead nowhere! I shall no longer be a slave to those.
I want to hear all about your year too so please share in the comments below