musings, Opinion, thoughts



**Warning: This post is heavy on the Bible/Christianity; just in case you’re allergic**


Once upon a time, there lived a man called Mordecai who was a Jew from the tribe of Benjamin. He lived in the Persian city of Susa and for the most part was unproblematic. Mordecai had an uncle named Aminadab who had a daughter named Esther. Esther they say, was quite the beauty. When Uncle Aminadab passed away, Mordecai became the legal guardian of his niece Esther and raised her solo into womanhood.

In the city where Mordecai lived reigned King Xerxes, a rich and powerful king who ruled over 127 provinces spanning from India all the way to Sudan. King Xerxes was stupendously wealthy and powerful, him sabi enjoy life well well. Infact, King Xerxes sabi enjoy life so tey there was a time he threw a party for 6 months straight and invited all the “who is who” from all over the world. During these parties, they can never tell you that jollof has finished, say who die?! Infact, no need to share one bottle of wine for 4 people, na one bottle per person, to be topped up at will… finest selection of drinks flowed freely. Everything aplenty. In addition to feeding people, King Xerxes would display his wealth and show-off all his gold, jewels, marble, the finest linens etc. Real jaiye jaiye master this King. I like him. After all, money is for spending.

One of the days of the party, King Xerxes decided to also show off his very beautiful wife, Queen Vashti. He ordered that she appear before him and his room full of powerful merrymakers [take note that the Queen/or anyone else for that matter was not allowed to enter the King’s presence without being summoned. To do otherwise is punishable by death]. Anyways, I dunno if Queen Vashti was PMS-ing that fateful day or small madness don start to catch am but homegirl refused to appear before the King ooo. Ah! Who dares?

The King was embarrassed in front of his guests and this made him furious. His advisers were like “wee we not take eet!” They said – if you allow this type of behaviour go unpunished, you are setting a precedent and all our wives will follow suit with the disrespect. Please make an example of her – and so, King Xerxes decreed for Vashti to NEVER appear before him again and a search began for a new Queen to replace her.

All the beauties across the 127 provinces were brought to the palace and groomed for years until such a time for the King to pick. Of this selection of maidens, Esther [a jew] belonged. Long story short, the king picked Esther and she became Queen. She never disclosed her real jewish identity and never mentioned that she was related to Mordecai who at this time had become a member of the King’s court…..

Wait!!!! This was supposed to be a synopsis. There’s still so much I haven’t told you guys. Such as:

  • How did Mordecai end up in the King’s court?
  • The trajectory of jealousy manifested through a man named Haman
  • How Queen Esther did a brave thing even in the face of death
  • The boomerang effect these series of events had on the rest of the kingdom and for the Jews.

YOU KNOW WHAT…. Go and read the rest of the story yourself. It is a very short chapter [only 6 pages] of the bible. Read it first, then come back and continue reading this post. I’m not going to do all the heavy lifting by myself lol


So while reading the book of Esther today, I thought I’d recap a few of the lessons that personally resonated with me particularly. So here goes:

  • In life we will all experience trails and struggles. Every single one of us. Mostly, a quick prayer will fix it but there are some type of problems/attacks/issues that require proper warfare. Those sleepy whispers in bed just won’t cut it, you’ll need to sit up and strategize. Approach it like a battle/war, knowing you only have two options: To conquer it and be victorious or to die. Queen Esther knew this when she decided to go appear before King Xerxes without being summoned first, yet ….


  • Prepare!! Nobody just wakes up to go to war having spent last night partying, eating & drinking. Solders in a war take years/months to learn their maps, design their strategies and modify them to suit different possibilities, gather armoury, get fit and strong, stay alert etc. For Esther it was a 3 day prep that involved – stripping herself of her queenly appearance, humbling herself dressed in sackcloth and dung, no shower or serenren, fasting and praying [together with her servants, Mordecai and other Jews]. This is nothing cavalier.   It wasn’t business as usual. If you have an important place to be, an important person to see, an important thing to discuss…. Please prepare.


  • Appearance is important. When Esther was before God fasting and praying, she wore a sackcloth, rubbed dung on her herself, didn’t comb her hair, I’m sure she smelled terrible. When the time came for her to appear before King Xerxes, she came in her queenly splendour. Why? Because even crase man dey sabi market days. Some of us don’t know what “appropriate appearance” entails in terms of clothes/hygiene. No matter how good you are, no matter how great your idea is, no matter how much you deserve something, people need to first see that they’re talking to a human being. A dishevelled and smelly appearance is a turn off for anybody.  Addendum: even if you’re not smelly or dishevelled, e get the kain cloth wey you no suppose wear go some kain places. Apply wisdom.
  • Food is important. As King Xerxes chop Esther food, see as e begin dey promise her heaven and earth and she never even talk. King had a full blown “santi” episode. He was like – “I’ll give you anything, even if it is half of my empire”. Woah! Have you noticed that people are usually more agreeable when they’re relaxed and have eaten as opposed to the grouchy cat they’d be when they’re frazzled and hungry? Remember when you had to wait until your daddy had showered and eaten and was watching NTA News before you tell him you need money for one thing or another? Feed people sha, that’s all.
  • Flattery will take you everywhere. When Esther was praying, she told God she couldn’t stand [and I quote the bible] “having sex with an uncircumcised heathen” but that she had no choice. Since she was not having sex with anybody else, I assume the uncircumcised heathen in question here was in reference to King Xerxes. She also referred to him as a “Savage Lion.                                                               This is truly how she felt about her husband; and between her and her maker she didn’t hold back on her real thoughts. Yet….. When this babe showed up in the King’s court [fainting out of sheer fear & trepidation] she told the King that his face and his majesty made her lightheaded as she thought she was seeing an angel. She said “I was overcome by your awesome majesty, you are so marvellous and your face is full of kindness”…. Omo see lyrics ooo 😂. I was like ahn ahn… aunty you can lie oo. Weren’t you just telling God that he’s a savage lion and an uncircumcised heathen and now that he’s here he has suddenly become marvelous and full of kindness? So you cannot talk with your chest? Aunty so fake! Yes? Right? Na you sabi.Some of us are too “real/blunt” for our own good. We pat ourselves for always “speaking our minds/telling it like it is”. The question is: to what end? Maybe this is why your boss hates your guts and that cushion eludes you, maybe this is why you don’t get along with your colleagues. Perhaps this is why you fight with everybody everywhere every day because of how “real” you are. This realness that you are “tighting” to your chest like say na pikin, what has it brought you if not constant wahala/stress/headache/misunderstandings? Let us learn to keep some of these our “real” thoughts & feelings to ourselves and if you can’t help yourself, tell God about it. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating that you should be fake or pretend, what I’m saying is we should try to always look at the big picture [as Esther did] and when you do sometimes-eventually you’ll realise that the person who signs your checks/who calls the shot/who is the decision maker on a matter of interest to you doesn’t need to know what you really think of them [except it’s flowery]. Be like Queen Esther – washing machine extraordinaire. This babe wash King so tay King no even get choice. Him belle come sweet am well well, so tay him give her blank cheque. King Xerxes didn’t even know when he was like – “what else do you want? Infact take my scroll and write whatever you want, use my signature” … and this isn’t even me being funny, it’s actually in the bible. He said all that.What am I saying? I’m saying, what does it profit a man if he “always keeps it real” without the wisdom to know when it’s [not] necessary? Apply wisdom.


  • Learn to delay gratification. When Esther finally had the opportunity to plead her case and make her request, she instead chose to invite the King [plus Haman the enemy] to dinner [again… food is bae]. The King had to ask Esther 3 times and on 3 separate days before she finally pronounced her wish[es] and even then, she didn’t say ALL her requests at once. If someone came to you and asked for 5 different things at once (or even asked in a span of days for different things), would you be as open to helping or would you be like… ‘hol’ up?! Alternatively, what if they asked for one thing today and its a while before they ask again? There is a place, a way and time to make your requests and prior preparation spent seeking God’s guidance will help you know when the time is right. See, even though the situation was dire and scary, Esther was in no rush [because time is in God’s hands]. Esther never played all her cards at once. When we come to God like “I need this NOW”, it is because we have not fully grasped the faith side of things. Your fire-on-the-mountain approach to life is not on God’s timeline, so relax. The fervency and distress with which we seek for issues to be addressed can sometimes come off as desperate and nothing good happens from a place of desperation.
  • Jealousy is a dangerous thing. You’ll be amazed at what jealousy can make you do. Imagine a mighty important man like Haman getting so blinded by his dislike for Mordecai that he loses common sense. At face value, Haman had everything in life – he was important, influential, rich, powerful and had King Xerxes’ attention. So it is confusing that such a man would ever even notice a peasant like Mordecai let alone get frazzled by him, but jealousy is a terrible thing that makes you do terrible things. I saw a post some time ago about how sometimes people are jealous of you simply because of how other people love/respect you and how true is that! In the book of Esther, we learn that although he was a poor peasant, Mordecai had the clout/respect/love/admiration of his people as well as even within King Xerxes’ court. So really what it is is that, even without realising it, on a spiritual level, Haman recognised the potential within Mordecai and that threatened his place/peace. Perhaps this explains why at face value, even though it appears like some of us don’t have much going on, our mere presence somehow still manages to unknowingly intimidate/threaten others and they tend to struggle with their jealousy toward us. This jealous fit singlehandedly became Haman’s undoing.


  • Pride goes before a fall. Haman got proud in himself for being second in command to King Xerxes, boasting about it everywhere. He forgot that being in that position was not of his making and that things can change very quickly [and they did].Eventually Mordecai became second in rank to King Xerxes. Basically… Mordecai became everything Haman had been, plus more. Yes our achievements are things to be proud of but let’s take care not to let self-aggrandisement enter the picture.


  • Snitches don’t always get stitches. Sometimes being a snitch is not a bad thing. If you had to choose between being an unwilling conspirator to a coup vs becoming the Vice President of 127 provinces….. What colour of presidential robes will you be wearing on your Inauguration Day? Side eye*


  • The traps the enemy sets in wickedness will become their same own folly. Haman built a gallow thinking it’ll be used to hang Mordecai and ended up being hung on it together with his 10 sons. As a Nigerian mum will say – “you think you are doing me, but you’re just doing yourself”.                                                                           Haman even went as far as setting a date on which all the Jews will be killed and destroyed. But God intervened and after Queen Esther’s encounter with King Xerxes, following the King’s new decree, the Jews fought back and wiped out their attackers. So it turned out that the exact date that had been set for their destruction became the date God turned into a day of elevation, deliverance and celebration for them. To this day, Jewish people celebrate that day in commemoration. My point? Let them build. Let them plot. Just focus on God’s promises to you.

  • Sometimes your lone decisions/choices can have a boomerang effect and end up affecting not just you. Haman was hanged along with this entire family. This perhaps explains how we unknowingly inherit generational issues [curses and goodwill], even though we had nothing to do with the initial choices. Maybe today’s problem is because your father/grandfather/ancestor was a Waste-Man. On the flip side, I can’t count how many times people have been nice to me and helped me because they found out who my father was and/or who my mother is. Some parents leave goodwill for their lineage, some leave curses…. you can’t choose yours but you can take a stand today as to how it affects you and your direct lineage after you. In this journey of life, it is important to leave good crumbs along the path you’ve walked for posterity sake. If your parents didn’t leave this for you, you must at least try to leave it for your own children.

…aaaaannnnd that is the end of my story. The book of Esther is packed with lesson after lesson after lesson. The above are some of the lessons I drew out of a 6 page story today and I know for a fact that I didn’t even scratch the surface.

Do you have any lessons you’ve pulled from the story too? Or perhaps you want to expatiate on the ones I already mentioned? Please sound off in the comments box below.

Love and light xx




musings, Opinion, Randomness, thoughts

A Short Story in Nine Screenshots

Why do you think the way you do? Those opinions you have, are they really yours? Are you open to considering that everything you think you know is infact toxic from years of institutionalized ideas that have no place in today’s reality? Do you agree that maybe certain aspects of your culture/religion need to be binned? Are you willing to challenge those your core beliefs?

Consider the texts below:


    If you’re like me, you always have hella questions about everything… I urge you to NEVER stop. That’s actually how you grow.

Rationalisations such as –

“Well that’s just how God made it” “But that’s our culture” “It’s just how things have always been”

– will no longer cut it.

I’m telling you.

Happy Easter in advance.


Life, musings, rant, thoughts


A few days ago, someone I really care about texted me telling me some shit I wasn’t trying to hear. I slept on it and the next day I shot back a reply that simply read – “And so what?” – No explanations. No reasoning with. No long talk.

See, I have two settings in my interactions with people – family, friends, lovers – I’m either “can we talk about this?” or “radio silence”; there’s no middle ground. The “let’s talk about it” me can be quite the bug-a-boo! I’d hound your life until you talk to me but this usually never amounts to much as I’ve realized. Forcing people to talk to you doesn’t help because they don’t come open; they’re basically just trying to pacify you with a perfunctory conversation so it’s never a good thing. On the other hand, “radio silence” me is pretty self-explanatory right? Yes. In summary, you’re basically dead to me [No this isn’t me wishing death on anybody… please Nigerians]

If I’m being honest, there was a time in my life that I needed to be liked. It was important to me that I was “palatable” and that I was not ‘too this’ or ‘too that’ for the people in my life without caring how all that bending-to-fit causes arthritis; and boy did I hurt from all that twisting and bending backwards. I had to be the perfect daughter who never dared to talk back, the greatest sister who strived to provide and provide and provide until she could barely hold it together, the most loyal/supportive friend who never hesitated to be there and the generally dependable human; But on the flipside receive total disregard, ingratitude, zero support and rudeness from family and then friends who would choose when it was convenient for them to perform friendship with you… No sway!

I don’t like to upset the people I care about and I worry when I’ve hurt them, the guilt I’d feel ehn…. Sheesh! In a bid to not shake the peace, I’d swallow my real feelings and drink water, lest these feelings inconvenience or offend and people get used to that shit. I’ve learnt now though that that’s where the unresolved hurt/repressed aggression goes to hide and one day, on a seemingly normal day, during a simple conversation, a blow-out happens and everyone starts wondering where all of that came from and you start to hear shit like “ahn ahn was it that small thing?” and its obviously confusing for everyone involved and then you get tagged for overreacting and they say you’re always angry. Why? Because you haven’t always been honest about the full spectrum of your feelings at the times when you should have been and now you’ve bubbled to your limit and blown the gasket and its casualties and bodies all over the floor. Who is going to clean up all this mess? Who? Stress!

Its that same repressed vex that had me send “and so what?” in response back to a seemingly normal text message. It’s the same shit that took me on a number-blocking spree on my phone, rejecting calls and the FUCK-OFFF sign I seem to be wearing on my forehead these days. Picture me standing in the middle of a ring straight swinging for hours daring anybody to approach. Its like I’m at war and I’m dropping bodies willy nilly screaming bloody murder…. Yea, that’s current me.

It took me a looooooooooooong time to get here but I’m proud to announce that I’ve officially run out of fucks to give. My give-a-fuck account is negative! Zero fucks! If I feel a way about anything, that’s exactly what it is and there will be no buffering; not at my expense.

Ok lies! I do still give some type of fuck. On certain days, for select people/things I can muster half a fuck or ¾ fucks but this is very selective and only on days when there’s a full moon. And let me tell you, its awesome. I actually have tons of free/happy time and precious disposable income now to do fun things for myself, buy myself nice things, enjoy my life and generally seek the answer to the question – “What does S want to do today/what will make me happy today?” And it’s been quite liberating.

This year, I will NOT put up with anybody treating me less than…starting from my family all the way down to the random person on the street; not from nobody! And because my bullshit radar is tingling at a really high frequency right now, the downside of it is that it doesn’t even have to be actual BS for me to cut it. It just needs to look a little bit like it or smell a little off and its blocked from miles away…. Call it collateral damage. Nope!

My current mood is: FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY…

I meeeeaaannn… Fuck everybody! Fuck everything. This life is mine to do with it what makes ME happy.




Happy,, Holiday

My year in recap… 2017

*swats dust* *coughs*

Oh hello everyone…
I know, I know. Forgive me! Love me again!
I have no excuses to be honest, I just kinda lost the blogging mojo and try my hardest, I couldn’t shake it off, so I was stuck with many drafts that just simply never made it to light. That happens sometimes, I’m sorry.
Hope you’re all doing well?

I am. I’ve had a wonderful year [comparatively to the last 3/4 years] and I’ve found myself feeling hopeful again that my life as I knew it isn’t over. Isn’t that wonderful?

So let’s catch up…. A lot happened this year. A LOT!

I started a new job. Yes.

I’ve been quite open even on here about my frustrations with job hunting and so when this year started by dropping this opportunity in my lap, I knew I was about to have a different type of year and it’s been great. Because I’m such an independent person, a huge part of my sense of self, esteem and self respect is tied to my ability to take care of myself and my loved ones and so not having a job for a long time impacted on my ability to assert that part of who I am and it affected my self esteem a lot. I hated needing help, the dependency and sometimes blatant disrespect that comes with it so much that every time I had to ask for help, it made me feel even smaller. This new job helped change that for me; it also opened so many doors to so many new experiences, travel, growth opportunities both professionally and personally, helped me make new friends and afforded me a whole new sense of self, esteem, respect and pride. There’s NOTHING quite like this feeling and it can only get better. I am so thankful for it that even if this is my only testimony for the year, I’ll be okay.

But it’s not! Because God is such a show off…. I love it!

I have a nephew!

See I’m not new to this aunty business, I have nieces but this is my first time at the nephew rodeo and it’s a whole different kind of feeling I tell you. No, this isn’t some battle of the sexes tirade; what I’m saying is, the experience is new to me as I’ve done nieces 4 times over. Baby Suur is the most precious, chunky, happy little human you’ll ever meet. Seriously, he’s such a happy baby, only cries when you’re wasting time with his food [he obviously doesn’t play with his food because he’s my blood ha]. And his hair…omg! Another thing he has in common with me is that he loooooooooooooooves his reflection chei! I make videos of him all the time and when I play them back to him, he gets super quiet watching them with such intensity like woah… boy we know you’re cute, relax.

He’s truly our precious gift and I always look at him and wonder how my dad would have been with him if he were still here with us. He has also unlocked my baby fever at an all-time high and now i’m thinking that perhaps… this time next year ehn..…just watch this space.
My baby girl Iveren is still a firecracker…. She makes my life [and my snapchat feed] so colorful and rich.

Such a spice! She’s spending the holidays with grandma and I miss her so much, it hurts.
Speaking of baby fever…. I think I’ve found his/her daddy too 😀
Yes. Your girl’s got love in my life and it’s such a wonderful feeling. This is the first time in my entire life I’ve felt this way and I’m not saying this about the love, I’ve loved before. I mean it’s the first time I’ve actively thought – “I could totally marry this guy even though I hate his guts and I want to murder him sometimes”. I mean, I count all the things I can’t stand about him and our relationship but then I think to myself “I still love him though” like woah! I’m whipped! I’m also not afraid to be vulnerable because regardless of how this plays out, he’s a kind/decent person and he will never be intentionally mean/wicked to me and that’s saying a lot.
In the past, I’ve dealt with men that were so cruel with me that I told myself that going forward, it’s – kindness/compassion before anything – and we’ve passed the test. I love this man, I want to marry him, I want to have his babies… and yes, I totally just typed all this here. It’s official.
Remember when I cut my hair last year? Well it’s been over a year already can you believe?! In that time, I’ve worn it natural low, sporty, curly, coloured, texturized.. you name it! Anyways, many months later and all the experiments passed, I’ve grown bored/tired and have promptly gone back to my trusty braids.

I don’t think I’ll ever actually actively grow out my hair like full again; the cut life is here to stay, so going forward; it’ll be me swapping between cuts/weaves/braids as my mood fits. But this Anita Baker/Toni Braxton inspired cut is definitely the winner and will become the go-to staple for when I cut it again.

The best self-care thing I did for myself this year was to develop and stick to an actual proper skincare regimen. I’ve always had some type of regimen going on especially when my acne flares were at an all-time high, but nothing quite like what I developed this year and I can honestly say I don’t know when last I had skin so supple smooth and flawless from head to toe. If you follow me on snapchat then you already see me do this every day, the whole works.
I feel like once you’ve hit the big 30, you just can’t get away with doing the bare minimum anymore with your skin; you just cant. I took mine seriously this year and it shows. My current regimen is made up of a lot from The Ordinary, the Tea-tree range from The Bodyshop and a Clarisonic [thank you Achike]

I have shared extensively about these already on snapchat but I will take the time to do a post and share on here. People, if there is one thing you gift yourself this year and going forward, let it be a skincare regimen. You’ll be glad you did.

So basically, this year…. I have a job, my family is growing, I have love in my life, my hair is on fleek, my skin is popping and i’m happy! I win.. let’s go home. Bloop!
On a more sober note though, this year also had its fair share of sad moments and heartbreaks. I had a major health scare and had to take time off work to get the help I needed and to take care of myself. I’m okay now, thank God. Just praying that this is the last time I ever have that experience, it was a very scary experience. Not fun.

Then….. Justin died.

My Rookiee bum bum! My daddy! My English professor!
This is hands down the most painful thing I experienced this year. Justin and his lawyer hat helped go through my contract for my new job and took me out to dinner to celebrate. I cannot even begin to explain who he was to me and what we shared, words won’t be enough. I cried, and cried and cried. I still cry randomly even now when he crosses my mind and that happens quite often. Like a few weeks ago, at work I was cleaning out my desk and found his business card and I had to take a moment.
You broke all our hearts Justin; I can only hope that you know how much you meant to us and how much we love you. We will never forget you.
I did learn some new lessons this year and also renewed old lessons:
1. There’s nothing I did, i’m doing or will ever do to earn anything I have, it’s all God. Never my intellect, never my sabi sabi, never my nothing… all God. There’s also nothing i’ve done, i’m doing or will ever do that’ll change what God has in store for me.

2. Things will always sort themselves out, eventually. This is related to the first lesson because many times, I have plotted, and thought, and arranged, and organized, and planned meticulously and still failed. All that planning and plotting can make us feel like our successes and wins were our doing, but they’re not. Sure, there’s a place for preparedness but the God factor is the most important factor. Knowing this also helps me take a step back to analyse all my past fails/wins, to see how easily I had nothing to do with it and to stop turning to God only after I’ve gone out on my own and failed. God doesn’t want to be my last resort, he wants to be my day one!

3. Never stop seeking self-improvement. Commitment to one’s self is a life long journey and there are no breaks. With timehop apps on social media these days, it’s so easy to see how different we reason/think and the difference only a few months/years can bring to our opinions and mindsets. Problematic mindsets and all that come with it need to go and the process of un-learning and re-learning is one you must never  get tired of; and its something to be proud of.

4. However, they say – “to sabi yourself no be curse” – which means, in our quest to be better, know better and do better, we must never lose ourselves. You are who you are and there’s nothing to apologise for. Not saying hold on to negative aspects about yourself under the guise of “this is who I am” but it’s a fine line between that and looking yourself in the mirror one day and not recognizing the person who’s reflection is staring back you.

5. 2017 stripped me of all sense of entitlement. I am solely responsible for myself and no one owes me anything! I set myself up all the time imagining all the different ways people are “supposed” to treat me or relate to me and of course I get disappointed when it doesn’t play out that way. This is the lesson that life is determined to teach me seeing as I’ve repeatedly faced it every turn every year and I’m still grappling with. Is this the year I finally learn it for good for real? We’ll see.

Let’s take a moment to talk about the wave of feminism/women rights issues viz-a-viz the stories of harassment and abuse that are awash the globe right now. It’s timely, it’s important, it’s necessary and there’s simply no place for silence or complacency on this matter anymore. We owe it to ourselves to fix the rot that has allowed and perpetrated the abuse of women in all spaces of society – work, home, family etc.
These conversations are necessary, no matter how inconvenient and uncomfortable they may be. I personally have taken up the coveted title of “angry/feisty/disrespectful” woman in my circles and I wear that badge proudly.
I am here to tell y’all that women will not be taking any shit anymore, NO SIR!

I think that the place to start so as to arrest the next generation’s foolery is to focus on raising good wholesome boy children who will grow up to become tomorrow’s men as much as we currently focus on the girl child. Institutionalized mindsets about what girls can/can’t do vs what boys can/can’t do NEED TO GO! Commit to raising responsible boys, decent boys, boys who respect women, who cook & clean, who are allowed to cry and experience a full range of different emotions etc. Do away with those toxic notions from the past that births entitled, crude, invalid boy-men… let’s start there.
Obviously it’s a lot more to it but I think this is a good place to start
Overall, I’ve had a very eventful year and I thank God for all the joys, the pain, the tears, the lessons and all the happiness. I look forward to an even more amazing 2018 and I pray same for you all. As far as resolutions go, I have zero resolutions for the New Year. The motto for 2018 is – “NA SO WE SEE AM”.
Enough with the roundabout motions that lead nowhere! I shall no longer be a slave to those.

Even when I’m not actively blogging, you can still keep up with me on these social media platforms:

Twitter: @GBTheBlog

Instagram: @GBTheBlog

Snapchat: @Gorgeousbskin

I want to hear all about your year too so please share in the comments below

Happy holidays!




musings, Opinion, Randomness, thoughts, Tidbits

….Part of the list

First things first……

Happy Easter Guys!!!

How are y’all doing? Better than me I hope?

When I tell you guys I have had a crazy couple of weeks, believe me! Robbers attacked my home 2 weeks ago and even as I type this, I haven’t quite recovered from the trauma of that experience. Like I’ve always been a person with extra heightened senses a.k.a fear fear lol but following the robbery I’ve become so jumpy that even my own shadow startles me’s that bad. A week after it happened, I went back once to spend the night in the affected house [in a bid to get over the fear] but I literally spent the entire night awake waiting for morning to come, after which I packed a bag and never looked back. As a matter of fact, I am typing this post from the peace and quiet of my new home [in a much more secure place]. Yep! I MOVED OUT! Don’t judge me. There was just no way around it.
So in the aftermath, I had to deal with the madness of house-hunting and moving and all it’s hectic trimmings; not forgetting to factor in the general uselessness of the Nigerian police in scenarios like this; plus the fact that the work front has been pretty tough too dealing with a very unpleasant week of unavoidable office politics. Basically….. I have been SKRESSED! Life steady serving me a tall cocktail of a shit-storm; all the demands of my responsibilities didn’t even pause for a second for me to catch my breath but….. STILL….
So when I tell you I was looking forward to this 5 day Easter break with every fibre of my being, I truly was. This is why when I got asked out on a date this weekend, I didn’t even think twice…. Been a minute I wore red lipstick so…. Let’s go!

The date itself was alright, great for the much needed break/distraction so win. My date and I are talking, vibing and all that good stuff when he asked me a simple question – “What turns you on in a man?” He asked….
Me [without missing a beat]: …… Reliability
Now I know without a doubt that he was trying to steer the conversation to a more sexual place but I was Obtuse Onyinye for the night. My response clearly had him confused for a bit but thankfully, he didn’t pursue the conversation further and I happily enjoyed the rest of my evening with a hug goodbye.
Two things –
1. Questions like “what turns you on” are right up there on the level of “what is your favourite colour/food” type question for me. It is basic and unimaginative and frankly, a waste of precious interrogation time. To ask me “what turns me on” tells me this is the type of dude with whom I’ll need to explain my jokes every time; this dude is as literal as they come. I’d be like – “It rained dogs today” and he’ll be like “you mean dogs fell from the sky? Hei… this girl you can lie oooo” Facepalm! If you’re a great conversationalist, the information you seek will eventually drop without you needing to be so high school with the questions. So instead of asking “what is ABC”, try having a conversation that will lead to ABC being shared without the person feeling like they’re being put on the spot. Subtle and easy like that. Wanna know what turns me on? Just keep the conversation lines open without going on direct fishing expeditions and pay attention; the answers will be so clear you won’t need to ask me these teenage house party drinking game questions.
2. Rinse and repeat number one.

But I digress………..

I have been on many a date this year already and I intend to go on more because I made this year my year of “recreational dating” even though I’ve protested it in the past so I thought that perhaps it’s time to save myself and all my prospectives’ time and roll out this blueprint – a copy of which will be saved and handy for quick dissemination to anyone who is interested in me. I’m all for saving precious time.

As a teenage girl growing up, if you ever asked me what I looked out for in a man, the typical “he has to be tall, dark & handsome” would not have been my response. My first ever real crush was real eye candy then but that wasn’t what cinched the deal for us; there’s no gbish gbish for an airhead. I confirmed he was on my wavelength when he wrote me a love letter and it didn’t come “out of the garden of love, as the birds were whispering in the beautiful sky and if so doxology”… ha! While girls my age were happy with supermarket greeting cards, mine made me personalized cards designed from scratch on corel draw by him and wrote me songs that had my names in the lyrics…. Basic has never been enough, I’ve always wanted more. Doxology to the left…

So even though that guy asked what turns me on in a guy; I’ll remix it for the purposes of this post. Ergo… consider this a – “What S looks out for in a man…. The blueprint”.

rɪlʌɪəˈbɪlɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being trustworthy or of performing consistently well. The degree to which something can be depended on to be accurate

As I got home and pondered on it some more, I realized that my answer to the guy from earlier – “RELIABILITY” would be the same even if the question wasn’t meant in a sexual way. Reliability is truly the first thing [and the most important] character trait I look out for in any kind of friendship [with both sexes] and most especially in a relationship. I even discussed this a little in a previous post about my love language and nothing has changed since then.
There is NOTHING sexier than a person whose word you can take to the bank! Who says what they mean, who follows through on their words/promises, who stands by their beliefs, who isn’t flaky and who is just an all-round solid individual. A person who keeps their word long after the mood has passed just because they promised…. A person who will tolerate a little bit of discomfort and stick it out just so they don’t come across as dodgy.… nothing sexier!

ɪnˈtɛɡrɪti/ [noun]
The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Although closely related to reliability, Integrity is a tad different but just as important as the first. This trait is what separates the boys from the men; it sieves out the chaff and leaves the gems. A person with some modicum of moral upstandingness, nobility and honour would simply never find themselves in certain questionable situations, whether or not there is an audience. You wont need to beat him with a stick to get him to do the right thing, you wont need to sweat. The end.

I am pretty intelligent [yes I am] so pray tell what I’d be talking about with a slowie? Mr. Me has to intimidate me [in a good way] with his brain chops. I have dated a few slowies in the past and it’s a disaster waiting to crash because subconsciously, I don’t rate these men and it shows in my attitude.
Think critically, don’t just flow with conventional opinions and never stop learning. I’m not asking that he reads the encyclopedia back to cover but just be savvy in general, Shikena. A huge part of this component is Emotional intelligence because of what use are your smarts if you don’t know when to apply sense? Believe me when I tell you there is a direct vein that links this quotient to the happy juice factory in many a girl’s loins.

Everyone has a sense of humour, so I guess the litmus test here is – what is your brand? Brit or Love and hiphop ATL? Efe’s “based on logistics” or “go fucking chew on that Debbie Rise”? Fluent in sarcasm? I must point out here that the “brand” of humour is the most important thing. No matter how many boxes a person checks on my list, if our sense of humour is not in sync then it’s back to the drawing board because the nuances of humour-in-sync can’t be manufactured. Sorry. I am still friends/ly with all my exes and this is why – long after the fluff and the sexy has burned out, the laughs remained.

Gotta love a guy who is grounded and possesses that quiet confidence because he’s got nothing to prove, this guy has tamed his ego and his man-ness isn’t about arrogant dominance. He has no qualms showing vulnerability. Such a man understands that respect, communication, reciprocity, compromise etc are none negotiable aspects of a relationship and that being controlling and manipulative will earn him no points. He understands that his partner is his equal and her opinions/input matter. The only time I want to be subjugated is in the sack and even that requires my consent first.

Physical touch that shows fondness or tenderness, whether or not it leads to sex is heartwarming. Not necessarily campaigning for Over The Top Vom inducing PDA but let ‘em see you’re into me [and you can’t help yourself]. It’s also a subtle way of asserting ownership and this is sexy AF.

With time, feelings and money. Mr. Me needs to willingly share TONS. Holding back on any of these? We simply won’t work.

While this list is nowhere near exhaustive, it’s a VERY SOLID START. So there you have it.

Whenever I share this list, there is always that one person who jokes about how these tall lists get shorter with age. Ha ha. Not. Speaking for myself, my list has not grown shorter over the years, instead, it has grown more robust [hello Coza folk] and now more than ever, I’m more certain of not compromising on any of these as I would have in the past.
Anyways what do you make of my list? Also now that you’ve read mine, I’d like to hear yours too so please share with me down below about your “what I look for”. Has anything changed or remained the same since you last checked? Let’s hear it…

PS: Here is a photo of my gorgeous self still rocking the hell out my haircut… Just incase you’ve forgotten what my beautiful face looks like 😀


Happy Easter again guys…